Men: Question about dating and children

[tvfanz]

Thanks J.R. for your response and most important, your honesty.

But in all fairness, you don't respresent the majority of men, do you? (This is not asked in a sarcastic way at all, just a curiousity I have).

The question about issues is simple. When you put two people together even without children, there is gonna be some kind of baggage that's coming with each person in the relationship.

[JR.]

I don't represent men, but I do know a lot of guys that feel the same. It's a totally different type of relationship.

I would echo Lucy's advice and look for a single parent type of place. I think she'd have a much easier time with guys that already have children.

[suncat7]

I understand JR's opinion completely.

I have a small child, but not the drama. My ex is long long long long gone. I mean, completely, totally gone. So no drama there! However, I don't want a guy that has children, so that makes me a hypocrite, I suppose. I don't want to deal with a situation with a guy's ex, and I can easily see why a guy may not want to as well. I get hit on a good deal, by different types of guys, but since I'm relocating soon I don't want to start anything up right now. When I do get moved/settled, I don't see my opinion about what I want changing. It may someday, but right now, that's a BIG point with me.

I think your daughter is correct in addressing the fact that she has a child upfront, but I think I would maybe leave out the whole thing about her specific availibility. It makes it sound very "structured" (Guys could be turned off by a "schedule" and lack of availibility before they've even met her.) Her bio starts out with the words "I don't have much spare time" which sounds negative. I'd switch the bio up some, to begin it ABOUT herself (instead of leaving the about herself part until the end). Just a small suggestion, please don't be offended by the suggestions, I don't mean them to be offensive.

[Ace Medallion]

I am currently in a three year relationship so things might have changed, but three or four years ago I tried out the online dating thing and from that experience some advice I could give is that perhaps your daughter should take the initiative and contact some of these guys that she is interested in. When I first started I found the entire thing to be sketchy and odd so I really didn't try and contact anyone, I got tons of "looks" but no contacts. Finally I started to get fed up and contacted some of the guys I felt would match me. Sure enough, pretty soon I was hitting it off and forming friendships and eventually found the guy I'm still with three years later. And the funniest thing is he told me he had seen my profile but he thought I wouldn't give him a chance, LOL.

[tvfanz]

Really appreciate the feedback on my daughter's bio. We were thinking about changing some of the info anyway and you gave great suggestions. Thanks.

I understand fully what JR is saying. My daughter realizes finding a guy has narrowed significantly, but she and I are befuddled by how much. Some of the guys that wink or email her are not that attractive and some are too old for her. Like I said earlier, she doesn't want to date someone near her dad's age. She's young and wants to do young activities. (Not trying to offend any of those men out there who are "old" by my daughter's standards).

It seems to me there are men out there with children wanting and getting attractive women without children.

[Lonelyguy82]

Recently my daughter posted her picture on Match.com. She is beautiful, both inside and out, young (27), etc. The first month she had over 2000 lookers, the second month about the same. She is also a mother of one child. My question is why is this a problem for men? She would like an adult relationship with a man. The men who have responded to her are usually 14-20 years older than her or are overweight, balding, or live too far away. I don't mean to offend any of the men who are overweight or balding who are reading this. I'm just trying to understand why men have a problem with one child. She is the one that wants an attractive man nearer her age. She has free time once a week, every other weekend, and tradeoffs on holidays. And with grandma and grandpa understanding her need to meet the right person, she has help on the other days so she could be free, if needed. Thanks for any and all responses.

Just let her date. I'm sure eventually she'll meet a right prince - or probably never.

[tvfanz]

She has sent out winks and emails and most haven't responded to her. She feels if he was interested, he would respond. Maybe these guys aren't responding because they are not getting the wink or email. She also tries to send a wink or email to those guys that have no opinion or problem with children.

[tvfanz]

lol...Thanks for encouraging words Lonely....

[Texicana]

JR, you'd fit into my posse of guy friends just fine; they mostly share your ideas on being in child-free relationships, unless it's their kid The way I see things, and it's just my view, I'm not known for being particularly insightful, your daughter has a very defined idea of what she wants in a man and doesn't want to chance a relationship with unattractive or older men, and that's understandable, we all have our standards, to whatever degree. Conversely though, she's running into a problem that in that a majority of the men that do fit her criteria don't fit her into theirs. There's the rub, or just how I see it as being.

[nlmcp]

I'm agreeing with Texi above me. (female here by the way)

Your daughter is in the age group where most guys are deciding to settle down and start their families, they don't want to deal with "baggage" from prevous relationships. True, there are some guys who are willing to take on a woman with a child, but if she's looking for "the perfect guy", he may have ruled out a single mom because of all the possible issues with that. The guys who at this point may be interested are guys who already have children from a prevous marriage or who may have ruled out having their own kids because of their age. I know there are guys out there willing to date single moms, but at her age it may be a very small group.

I'm agreeing with rewrite the profile, leave out the negitive "I don't have much time" and put in about her first. Put in several pictures. Is she paying for the service? I think however, she may want to consider either looking at a Parents without partners group (I know lots of people who met dates, second sponse through those groups) or going through singles groups that are local (through churches, activities she likes, for example my girlfriend who is into roller blading belongs to a rollerblading singles group that arranges different outings)