friend who got away

[giz]

I got a book out of the library today called The Friend Who Got Away. It's really good so far (writing's great). I was wondering what experience everyone else has with "the one who got away".

My story: When I was 6 I met my best friend. We were best friends all throughout our childhoods, went backpacking in Europe together, partied together, I was the first one she called after she broke up with her boyfriend, etc. Ten years ago I had my first kid. I was the first of our group to have a kid. I was a little obsessed with the baby, AND my husband was being a total prat so I was a little stressed. My best friend of over 20 years dealt with this by A)not returning my calls B)not inviting me to her parties and C)somehow convincing our mutual friends to freeze me out too (I know, I know, they didn't need much convincing). (One mutual friend confirmed that former best friend started it all, and agreed they should have just told me to shut up about the baby, versus pretending I didn't exist). All this couldn't have come at a worse time, as I was pretty frazzled by my husband's huge two year long hissy-fit over being displaced by baby. I've made lots of new friends (with kids),but I feel like I can't really trust girlfriends in the same way. The odd conclusion to the tale is that 5 years later, when my baby-phobic friend suddenly decided she wanted a baby BAD, she started calling me up. Grrr. My husband can't understand why I see her (she's moved across the country, but I'll see her when she visits). I don't know, I don't want to seem petty mostly. Trying to be the big one. Anyone else lost a friend? I'm pretty much over it except that in a sense I kind of miss her, as we were very sympatico.

[Stargazer]

I grew up with a little girl from the time we were both 4 years old. We were best friends, our brothers were best friends, and we only lived a few miles from each other. Just before Middle School, she totally froze me out and I had no idea why. Other people told me that she had gotten angry with me because I was accepted into a program that she wasn't accepted into. I always missed her but I made new friends and moved on. Well, just before High School, we started talking again. Soon it was like no time had past and we were friends again. Years later, I found out that she had a terrible thing happen to her and that's why it had all happened. We've had many years of friendship since then and she's one of the truest friends I have.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you take out the fact I was much younger than you and your friend, that you just never know what was going on in their own lives when the falling out occurred. I think that if you still enjoy her friendship, that it can pay off to give her a second chance.

It all comes down to how good of a friend they were to begin with. If you really thought she was a good friend to you, other than that one period of time, then life is too short not to be with someone that you enjoy being around. However, there are times when you look back only to discover that someone you thought was a friend took more from you than they ever gave you. Those are the people that I've tried to flush from my own life.

[giz]

Well, food for thought, that's for sure. I do wonder if part of it was that she was interested in having a child, but her boyfriend wasn't there yet. Not that she ever implied that, but I've thought of a million reasons behind it. The thing is, though, is that we were 32 when this happened. Old enough to know better. And I kind of feel like I'd be a big-time patsy with a self-imposed "kick-me" sign if I were to let my guard down. I can't let that happen again, so she'd be about the last person I'd let in. I do see your point, but I can't be that big about it. (You always sound so sensible and have such practical things to say, just like I want to be when I grow up).