I was in a Burger King last year at Christmas. A lady behind me in line asked for gift certificates. Tha cashier asked "Is this for here or to go?" We both looked at each other and snickered. I told her "At least he didn't ask if you wanted cheese on that."
I think whoever invinted that stupid Christmas tree you hang upside down from the ceiling needs to get their own special sign.
Funny you should ask :
A few weeks ago, I was in traffic school. During the break, I went outside for a cigarette, and as smokers are wont to do, we all congregated together. The others wanted to share their "getting caught" stories, while I don't see the point in rehashing why I got caught speeding.
When I came home and told J. about the other smokers, I said, "...and I felt like asking them, [pointing to forehead] 'Do you see a tattoo on my forehead? Something that says, "I give a damn about your life"? No? Exactly.'"
J. said, "Oh, you didn't."
Ever since, we've been pulling that one on one another: "Do you see a tattoo on my forehead? The one that says, 'I give a damn'?"
"...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor
Oh yay! I have the best story ever about this!
A few years ago one of my co-workers was faxing something over to an opposing attorney. Swear to god the attorney called up and said, "Can you resend the fax? It is coming in upside down."
My co-worker somehow held back her snickers long enough to calmly say, "can you just turn the pages around?"
Another one happened just this past weekend...at my own wedding!
We were going to have a wine blessing but we had to provide our own glass and wine. I put the future Mr. OMLB in charge of this task. I harped on him the night before and texted him several times the day of with reminders to 'bring the glass' (in my own head meaning bring the glass and the wine).
To my bemusement, when the wine blessing came, the best man held up a beautiful but empty glass with nary a drop of wine to be found! I guess I had done a good job reminding Mr. OMLB about the glass but not what needed to go in the glass! It all worked out as the officiant actually had some wine (it was at her home) and it was a funny little pause in the ceremony...but I think we both felt like we needed to wear signs after that!
Congrats on your marriage!! And I am sure we have all had moments like that....
A story my friend told me I found just priceless:
Her sister is a high powered attorney and her family kept giving her watches as a gift. Seems like the watch would work perfectly for a period of time but then quit. The whole family thought she had some weird chemistry going on and kept buying her more and more expensive watches. They kept breaking and she kept throwing them away. Finally, after several watches someone said, "Did you change the battery?", to which she replied, "Ya, right like batteries are gonna fit in a watch"....D'oh.
I got one! My friend Kasey told me this one today...
When she was in 7th grade, she was in the backseat of her friend's mom's car with her friend. Her friend reached out and touched her shoulder. Kasey leaned over and couldn't reach her friend. Kasey then said, "I can't reach you! Are you farther from me than I am from you?"
Viva La Vie Boheme!
All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.
Just finished my moment. My neighbor just knocked on my door and told me that she noticed the light on the rear of the cab of my truck was on. She saw it last night, by the time she made it to my house it wasn't on anymore. Yup, you guessed it...dead battery. Some moron **coughcoughmecoughcough** left the dome light on all night. Thank God for Triple A.