How Are Your Neighbors?

[veejer]

Surviving a nasty neighbor

* Story Highlights
* Problems with neighbors drive some people away
* Some people post criticism on the Web
* Expert: Communication is key to keeping reasonable
* Says neighbor disputes No.1 reason people go to court

By E. Bougerol

(LifeWire) -- It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood -- except your neighbor's not exactly Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers wouldn't let his cat use the building's hallways as a litter box.

"I never know when I'm going to step in a pile of poop," says Michael Peinovich, a Web developer whose Brooklyn, New York, building houses the feline in question. "Everybody complains, but the landlords won't get involved."

As neighborly nuisances go, the kitty seems quaint compared with Catzie Vilayphonh's Philadelphia story.

It was one thing when her neighbor kept losing her keys and getting locked out, says Vilayphonh, an editorial fashion director. But one day, Vilayphonh fell asleep without bolting her door, and awoke to the sound of metal clinking: "I found her in my apartment, wrapped in a bedsheet, looking for quarters.

"I broke my lease and moved out."

And bad neighbor stories aren't confined to apartment life. Author Bill Adler Jr.'s toddler played in the backyard of his house in Washington, D.C.'s leafy Cleveland Park neighborhood, but a neighbor's pet made the situation unsafe -- and unsanitary.

"Their dog would roam around and relieve itself," says Adler. "Our daughter was 2 years old. We didn't want to have to worry about her in our own yard."

Cybersnitching on neighbor

So what do you do when landlords won't listen and you feel like a prisoner in your own home? Brant Walker turned to the Web after he and his girlfriend settled into their new home in San Diego.

"There was this odor coming from next door," he says. "The tenants clearly knew about it because they'd try to air out the place by opening their door, which made it worse."

The problem gave Walker an idea: What if you could find out about problem neighbors before moving in? He created RottenNeighbor.com, where users can flag their local nuisances on a map -- anonymously or not -- and post complaints for the world to see.

The first post, in August, was Walker's own, but within weeks a local media outlet ran a story on the site. The next day, he woke to dozens of posts added in California. Today, RottenNeighbor.com has "about 100,000" posts worldwide, and Walker's still in shock.

"I've realized it's universal," he says. "Everybody's had a bad neighbor."

Two sides to every story

Although his site's current setup can enable a free-for-all for those looking to rant or badmouth others, Walker plans to expand RottenNeighbor.com in a few key ways, including taking the process offline with a real-world mediation service between sparring parties.

"We really want to turn this into a positive thing," he says, "to help resolve issues between neighbors and make people happier where they live."

Adler agrees that getting neighbors to appreciate each other's point of view is the most effective step to resolution -- something he and his wife learned the hard way when that dog crept into their yard. "We didn't deal very well," he says. "We made mistakes we regretted."

He figured others could learn from his mistakes, and penned the book "Outwitting Neighbors: A Practical and Entertaining Guide to Achieving Peaceful Coexistence with the People Next Door."

No matter what category your particular complaint is in -- and there are many, with noise topping the list -- Adler says nuisance neighbors fall into one of two groups: "those who are rude, brutish and just don't care, and those who are simply ignorant of your side of the story."

Adler stresses that communication is key to keeping the problem from getting downright ugly: Neighbor disputes are the No. 1 reason, in some cities and small towns, why Americans go to court, he says.

He offers these tips for coping with bad neighbors before they -- or you -- wind up before a judge (or online).

Five tips for keeping the peace

1. Know your neighbors. Upon moving in, knock on doors, introduce yourself and establish a rapport. That way, when a problem does arise, you'll both want to resolve it peacefully.

2. Bring problems up immediately. Don't delay. The longer you wait, the bigger the problem can get -- literally, in some cases (a new puppy, a tree that blocks your sunlight, an add-on to property).

3. Ask around. Most problems bother more than one neighbor. Gather support to build your case, and consider talking to the offending party as a group.

4. Be nice. Bring your neighbor cookies or a bottle of wine. It sets the stage for an amicable discussion. And if you've been confrontational, apologize. Nothing's more powerful -- and chances are, they'll apologize back.

5. Be proactive. Try to deal with conflict on your own before taking things to the next level. Unless the offense is truly egregious, reporting a neighbor to the police or another relevant agency is the wrong first move.

Baltimore is trying to give police more tools to deal with problems like noisy neighbors. The city recently passed a law that allows police to order residents to leave a property for up to one year if police determine the inhabitants are creating a "neighborhood nuisance" (such as creating excessive noise or using loud profanity) twice over a six-month period.

Surviving a nasty neighbor - CNN.com

[Google]

 

[buglover]

The neighbor downstairs from my fiance had their stereo on so loud it was vibrating his bedroom two stories up. He got fed up at 1am and jumped up and down on the living room floor (their ceiling) until they stopped. I rolled my eyes at him today......I would never do that. I hate noise, but I would wake up the manager not be aggressive like that.

[Veruka]

I guess this is an answer to how my neighbors are, since a homeowners assocation is made up of neighbors. I moved to a new house in October. THe people I bought the house from were, to put in nicely, pains in the butt. The only information they left me about the home owners association was 7 years old. I have not been able to access any of the neighborhood facilities (ie tennis courts), or receive updated copies of the rules and whatnot, because I've had no clue who to contact. Last week, I came home and their was a piece of paper at my door. I've been cited by the home owners association for a collection of about 7 blades of tall grass growing around my mail box. Mind you, they've been there since I moved in. It's fall, and we're in a draught - the grass was dormant when I got here.

We're having a home owners association meeting this week. I think I'm going to go and suggest they re-think the way the "welcome" new people who move into the neighborhood.

[gabriel]

What a nice welcoming committee. You'd think they would have some regular type of thing for people who move in.

[misskitty]

veejer: That is a great article. Funny how bad neighbors led to a successful website and a book or two!

Veruka: That doesn't sound very friend of a welcome to me.

I had scary neighbors in a suite directly upstairs from mine. I'm sure the guy beat his girlfriend. There was always great noise, moving of furniture, and fighting sounds at the earliest hours. And his "friends" would climb over my gated balcony to get to his place. I finally discovered he was a drug dealer and the apt. mgr. had called the police. They set a trap and got him red-handed.

My ex had neighbors renting an old house next door. They would be high from smoking dope and burn shingles in a firepit. It was horrible. He tried the nice approach first: took over some beer and asked them not to do that. Then he reminded them a second time. Finally, he called the Fire Dept. as it was a hazard. After 2 more visits, they finally stopped. Or moved.

I just heard from my ex-neighbors who moved to Kelowna. They're already unhappy and thinking of moving to Vanc. They have an amazing home with a view of the lake, and a pool. They haven't, IMO, even given it a chance. Yes, it's December. There will be some snow. Sheesh! Like it's warm and sunny in Vanc. She hates the rain and clouds. I know that idea won't last long.

[Rattus]

Originally Posted by misskitty

I just heard from my ex-neighbors who moved to Kelowna. They're already unhappy and thinking of moving to Vanc. They have an amazing home with a view of the lake, and a pool. They haven't, IMO, even given it a chance. Yes, it's December. There will be some snow. Sheesh! Like it's warm and sunny in Vanc. She hates the rain and clouds. I know that idea won't last long.

Heh. Not neighbours, but I am related to a couple of people like that. They can find fault with pretty much anything, so there is a constant changing of jobs and moving of residences and complaining about everything. And they have the gall to question my ability to, if not find the positive, at least learn to tolerate things . Not all things, mind you, before anyone quotes any of my disgruntled posts back at me .

[misskitty]

Originally Posted by Rattus

Heh. Not neighbours, but I am related to a couple of people like that. They can find fault with pretty much anything, so there is a constant changing of jobs and moving of residences and complaining about everything. And they have the gall to question my ability to, if not find the positive, at least learn to tolerate things . Not all things, mind you, before anyone quotes any of my disgruntled posts back at me .

I just have the feeling that my friend (exneighbor) is more unhappy with her life; not her house. She was unhappy here and that's why they decided to move and start over somewhere new. She is depressed and has had a difficult year, but she tends to get into a real negative stance and is very reactive. I'll have to call her and remind her to watch The Secret again.

[Veruka]

After sharing my frustrations with my homeowners association with you guys the other day, I went to the annual meeting tonight. I didn't think I was outspoken at all in what I had to say. I listened to the entire meeting without saying much of anything. When the meeting was done, I went to the guy in charge to find out how to access the things I needed, and found out the management company had listed the people I bought the house from new address as the address for my house. He apologized over and over, took the steps to fix that, and then got me my information.

After all of that, they asked me to be on the board. THey woudlnt' take no for an answer, so I finally left it as being willing to have one of hte board members come to talk to me about it. I'm not speaking up about my home owners association anymore. Apparently, I also can't answer my door anymore, just to be safe.

[brunette trixie]

My neighbors are pretty ok, but one thing about them really bugs me. They can't park for crap. I live on a very steep hill (this is Pittsburgh after all, everybody is on a steep hill, ha-ha) and it's all street parking. Some of my neighbors think it is OK to take up 1 1/2 spaces for their tiny compact cars. And one of my neighbors drives a full size van, and he feels he has to take up 2 whole spaces for his monstrosity. If i don't get home before 6pm, I have to park half a block away which is a total pain if I have groceries or something heavy to carry. If everyone would just take up one space everyone could get a "good" spot, close to their homes.

[bbnbama]

Veruka...maybe they figured they would sucker the new person to be on the board!

Do the members have to be voted on or can anyone be put on the board? Look at it this way...you're very well spoken here on the FORT...you might be able to do great things for your H.A.