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Thread: How Are Your Neighbors?

  1. #241
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Lopevian,

    When my daughter was only a few weeks old, a neighbor moved in that made me feel exactly as you described. The jerk played music at such an unreasonable level that I finally had to take all of my shelves down because it kept rattling them off the walls. He also sold drugs right at his front door and I had all manner of people stumbling up to MY door in the middle of the night, thinking they were at his door.

    I tried speaking to him and the landlord. I tried ignoring it. I tried calling the police to report the noise and the drug activities. I tried blasting Boléro or Il barbiere di Siviglia, but it just made him turn it up until cracked one of his own windows.

    The constant stress and strain of having to deal with him and a newborn was nearly enough to give me a nervous breakdown. I was in tears every day and felt like I was going to throw up almost every morning. I thought for sure that he would be the death of me. I ended up practically camped out at my parents house while I searched for a new place to live. I had to take care of it all myself because my ex-husband was so absent from the home and our lives that he didn't care if we were being driving slowly insane or not.

    Around this time, my dad died. Dad had been telling me that he was going to come down and take care of the jerk himself if things didn't improve. After Daddy died, I drove back home a few days later, dreading the hell that the neighbor would impose on me during my grief. When I got there, the neighbor's side of the duplex had been completely cleared out. It was as if he'd never been there. I like to think that maybe my Dad came back and haunted the you-know-what and scared him out of the place.

    Still, the stress of the whole situation was so great, that I ended up moving anyway. It was like that horrible man had ruined the home for me forever. The rest of the time I was there (just a matter of a few months), I felt like I was walking on eggshells, waiting for the thumping to begin again.

    In conclusion, my advice is MOVE. I know it sucks and its not fair, but you'll feel like the weight of the world has been lifted, I promise. It's not worth it to stay.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  2. #242
    Crabby Cancerian remote_goddess's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    ^^MRD, I love that idea!

    What an awful person to have as a neighbor, lopevian. I have to agree with everyone that it sure sounds like it's time to move. I know you said it feels like you're "giving in", but I'm thinking some peace and quiet and time to recover is worth the cost of doing so. And as for your landlord, well, I don't care if he's the nicest person or whatever - he should do something, no matter what it says in the lease now. Leases can be changed, and I'd think if this has been an ongoing problem that multiple people have complained about then he could include some sort of noise clause in the lease renewals. I'm curious-minded enough that I'd probably call a lawyer and see what my rights were as a tenant and not depend on what the stupid landlord is telling me.

  3. #243
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    I just wanted to add that as I was sitting here after typing that, I thought, "I don't feel very good". Then I realized it was stress! Just thinking about it made me ill almost six years later!
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  4. #244
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer;2569411;
    I just wanted to add that as I was sitting here after typing that, I thought, "I don't feel very good". Then I realized it was stress! Just thinking about it made me ill almost six years later!
    I can certainly understand that. (And I do think your dear Dad took care of that evil man!)

    When I had neighbor problems a long time ago, my dad went over and took care of it. He called the police, made sure the police were aware of what was going on, made sure the police went over to the neighbor to let her know that they were aware of the problem, and then he (my dad) made sure the neighbor knew that she would have him to contend with if she ever messed with me again...and I never had another problem with her. But it was one of those situations where none of the other neighbors wanted to get involved. They just expected to reap the benefits of me (and my father) dealing with it.

    lopevian, I know that when my parents were landlords, they took tenant complaints very seriously and talked to the tenant who was causing the problem. More often than not, the tenant took whatever my parents said seriously and stopped causing problems. The fact that your landlord says it's not his problem just doesn't seem right. And loud music until midnight? In our neighborhood, I think the cut off point is 10 p.m. And in one of the apartments I lived in before, we were asked not to even vacuum or run the dishwasher after 10 p.m.

    I, too, suggest that you and your husband look for another place. And check the structure of the next home you buy or rent to see if the walls are thick, how much noise gets through etc. Talk to your potential neighbors about how they feel living there. They will know if there are problems better than anyone!

    One of my friends bought a condo in an area that is filled primarily with retirees and starter families specifically 'cause she knows that everyone will go to bed earlier and the elderly don't create as much noise as the younger folks! We all laughed at her, but I'll tell you--she loves it. And it is a beautiful, quiet area she lives in. One of her neighbors told her they were worried when she moved in 'cause they were afraid she'd 'cause a lot of noise, but were pleasantly surprised at how quiet she is.

    Your neighbor sounds certifiable and your landlord sounds useless. There are times when you get what you pay for--and I can't imagine that any tenant who moves into your building after you is going to last very long with that neighbor blasting his music. And how does the landlord think he's going to show the apartment with all that music booming? I'll bet he'll ask the jerk to turn the music down then so he can trick a new tenant into thinking it's a good place to live...but he won't for a tenant who's already there? I hope the new tenant is an attorney who finds a way to sue everyone!

    As for your other neighbors, they're almost as bad as the rotten neighbor. They will benefit from your struggle, but they're not willing to join you to try to get him to be reasonable. That doesn't sound very neighborly at all to me.

    Start looking for a nice, peaceful place to live in a nice neighborhood. It will be so worth it! Good luck!
    Last edited by Lois Lane; 09-12-2007 at 10:44 AM.

  5. #245
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Stargazer, your experience is very easy to relate to, except for the newborn. I can't imagine what that was like for you. Those first precious weeks when you bring a new baby home should have been nothing but a joy (and of course, a lot of work) for you, and someone else invades it and robs you of it. My condolences on the loss of your Dad. I bet he did intervene! That's beautiful! That you would have a physical reaction nearly six years later is awful to read, but not a surprise. It's hard to describe the instant wave that comes over a person. Thank you for going back there. I'm sorry that, in the process, you got closer to that dark place than you realized you would. I'm sorry that you momentarily relived that madness again, but I thank you, because you've made me feel like I'm experiencing something "normal", when everything feels like "crazy".

    Lois Lane, it really isn't right, the way the owner disregards this situation. I haven't said anything to him about it in over a year. I gave up. Now, whenever the owner is around the property, that maddening beat plants itself in my brain, and I get those feelings like I'm being swept down a vortex immediately. He's kind of become another "guy downstairs" for me. Of course, if the guy downstairs is home when the owner visits, it's all quiet on the eastern front. I imagine him thinking, "what the hell is she talking about, you could hear corn grow around here". There's been days when this has happened where it's taken my hours to stop sobbing. I get to the point where I don't know what I'm crying about...my Mom, the guy downstairs, the hopelessness of the situation, the fact that I have to move, global warming...who knows what a mad mind is sobbing over once it starts slipping.

    Thanks for the kind support remote goddess and myrosiedog. It means a lot. MRD, that is a wicked idea indeed.
    Last edited by lopevian; 09-12-2007 at 11:49 AM.

  6. #246
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Lopev, you need to get out of there. When it starts affecting you emotionally like that it is time to go.

  7. #247
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Quote Originally Posted by lopevian;2569552;
    There's been days when this has happened where it's taken my hours to stop sobbing. I get to the point where I don't know what I'm crying about...my Mom, the guy downstairs, the hopelessness of the situation, the fact that I have to move, global warming...who knows what a mad mind is sobbing over once it starts slipping.
    You poor thing! No one should have to live like that. There are times I get mini panic attacks. Nothing horrible--but just a feeling of hopelessness I get when I am overwhelmed with work and/or grief. I find that the best thing to do is allow myself a little time to cry, just sit there and do nothing, or whatever I want to do. Then I tackle things one at a time. You will always be sad about your dear Mom... and there is nothing wrong with that. There are certain things you can't change. But you can change your living situation. There are movers who will come in and pack everything for you and then unpack them in your new home for you. Yes, it costs more, but sometimes it's worth it to pay extra to spare yourself some sanity. And while this apartment has been your home for 20 years, you and your husband can make a new, better place your home for the next 20 years and more.

    I would like to ask you a question, though, and I hope it's not rude. This neighbor of yours has been horrible for a long time. So why did you and your husband decide to stay in your place after getting married rather than having you move to his place or getting a new place together? Not that that matters now, but just curious. And I do mean it when I say that it's the people that make a house a home...and you two can make a home in a better, quieter place... GOOD LUCK!

  8. #248
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Quote Originally Posted by dagwood;2569554;
    Lopev, you need to get out of there. When it starts affecting you emotionally like that it is time to go.
    You're right. The fat lady has sung, and unfortunately I'm her. Thanks for the hug.

  9. #249
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Gosh, Lopevian, that really sucks. I can't believe your landlord won't do anything to help you. Maybe if you taped the thudding for hours, and then took it to him?

    Anyway, I agree with everyone else -- it's not fair, but get out. Make sure your landlord knows why, and also find out if there's anyone you can report the landlord to, for not taking action on a complaint. And then get revenge on the neighbor, somehow.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  10. #250
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: How Are Your Neighbors?

    Lois, lol, I must seem like a masochist or a glutton for self-imposed punishment, but my problem has been hard-headedness, and a false belief that I could hack it...until he moves. I love this place. This place is very lovable. It's an older building, with a lot of charming built-ins, and lots of tile work in the kitchen and bathroom. It's very roomy, more like a loft than an apartment. I wanted to see the day when he would move...I never thought it would be us. My husband liked this place much better than where he was living. His rent was twice my rent, a whole lot smaller, and was very boring in it's layout, as opposed to my apartment. Plus, he lived in a building that was like a hotel. You walked out his front door, and you were in a hallway. This place opens up to the outside, and his place was too claustrophobic for me. I'm going to miss this place.

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