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Thread: Joke for the day

  1. #1
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    Joke for the day

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was "so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats). One student wrote the following answer:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

    Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that: "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

    The student received the only "A" given.
    Are YOU a Nature lover after what it did to your face?

  2. #2
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    I love that one!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  3. #3
    FORT Fanatic springkey's Avatar
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    So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that: "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

  4. #4
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    paul wanted to make more money, so he decided to take on odd jobs.
    arriving at a rich man's place, he rang the bell. "hello, do u need a handy man around?"
    "well, you can paint the porch..."
    "how much will u pay me?"
    "ten bucks?"
    "deal!"
    with that, the man directed paul to the paint, ladder and stuff. Half an hour later, paul rang the bell.
    "i'm done!"
    "So fast?!?!?!?"
    "yup, and i gave it two coats to be sure!"
    "erm... ok... here's your ten buck!"
    "thanks! oh by the way, that's a ferrari, not a porche, silly."
    Are YOU a Nature lover after what it did to your face?

  5. #5
    Insert Funny "Quote" Here nofx242's Avatar
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    Id give him an "A" as well. Very creative and invintive.

  6. #6
    FORT Fan bobmac's Avatar
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    Marketing Explanation


    People have asked for an explanation of the differences between
    marketing and sales. Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:

    You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
    "I'm fantastic in bed."
    --That's Direct Marketing.

    You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
    One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
    "She's fantastic in bed."
    --That's Advertising.

    You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
    telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
    --That's Telemarketing.

    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your
    dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I" and
    reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm,
    and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
    --That's Public Relations.

    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
    "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
    --That's Brand Recognition.

    You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going
    home with your friend.
    --That's a Sales Rep.

    Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you
    --That's Tech Support.

    You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
    handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto
    the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of
    your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
    --That's Spam

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey
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    Originally posted by Ogmius
    paul wanted to make more money, so he decided to take on odd jobs.
    arriving at a rich man's place, he rang the bell. "hello, do u need a handy man around?"
    "well, you can paint the porch..."
    "how much will u pay me?"
    "ten bucks?"
    "deal!"
    with that, the man directed paul to the paint, ladder and stuff. Half an hour later, paul rang the bell.
    "i'm done!"
    "So fast?!?!?!?"
    "yup, and i gave it two coats to be sure!"
    "erm... ok... here's your ten buck!"
    "thanks! oh by the way, that's a ferrari, not a porche, silly."
    That's horrible!

  8. #8
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    Where's my Wife?

    A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,

    "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple
    of minutes?"

    The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.

    "Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears
    out of nowhere"

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