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Thread: Edumacation - 6th grader quiz answers

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    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Edumacation - 6th grader quiz answers

    My wife forwarded this to me today and I just had to share it.

    The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a recent history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspellings.

    1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

    2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he every reached Canada.

    3. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

    4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

    5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

    6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

    7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out, "Tee Hee, Brutus."

    8. Joan of Arch was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

    9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

    10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

    11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.

    12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.

    13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was john Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote paradise Regained.

    14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

    15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

    16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

    17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Great stuff.

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Those are too funny... I'm just not sure if that's funny or not !
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Some of my favorites and my comments:

    5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.

    Me: We could take a lesson from the Greeks on the whole killing-for-advice arrangement. If only I could apply that to my future mother-in-law.

    6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

    Me: Sounds a little like my college career. Come to think of it, sounds a little like my professional career, too.

    9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

    Me: I doubt Rosie O'Donnell could get that kind of reaction...

    11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.

    Me: It would take a bigger clipper than that to get me. Bow-wow-chicka-chicka-wow-wow.

    13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was john Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote paradise Regained.

    Me: Men everywhere are nodding their heads.

    14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.

    Did Jefferson and Franklin SING the Declaration of Independence at "Colonial Idol"? And if so, did Simon's ancestor, Lord Bartholomew of Cowell, critique the act?

    "Masters Franklin and Jefferson, tell us why we should take you to Philadelphia. Your look is so Seventeen-SIXTY-Six."

    17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.

    Me: He must have been married...
    "...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor

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    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Phat, your comments ring far too true, my friend.

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    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    Wayner and phat!

    We could take a lesson from the Greeks on the whole killing-for-advice arrangement.
    Hey! You never kill the psychologist.

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    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Tell that to Tony Soprano.

    (And to those of you who thought you missed an episode of "The Sopranos," no, Tony didn't kill Dr. Melfi, but he sometimes LOOKS like he's going to, doesn't he!)

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    FORT fan william8686's Avatar
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    Wow, what a nice read!
    All good things come to an end.

  9. #9
    plaisirs volatils raindance's Avatar
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    Re: Edumacation - 6th grader quiz answers

    Some of my favourites

    Originally posted by Wayner
    7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out, "Tee Hee, Brutus."
    This had me trying to stilfle my laughing so bad, my boss thought I had cramps.

    They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
    You don't say.

    11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.
    WOW.
    ďIn Rrrussia, vee have proverb: Only bad soliders donít vant to be general.Ē Sasha Pivovarova

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