Weird Things You See in Big Cities

[Duxxy]

Originally Posted by DesertRose

Duxxy, that is one special boss you have there. Don't even know what to say but, wow!

had - past tense.. I'm self employed now, that's a special kinda crazy

[Google]

 

[OnMyLunchBreak]

Originally Posted by roseskid

Okay, I have a confession. The first time I read this, given the use of "crap" and "bathroom" in the same post, I thought you were saying he literally carried 5 huge bags of well...you know.

Along those same lines, I have a friend who works in a B&N south of town. He told us that around Easter a customer came up to him and said that one of their display tables with Easter Baskets on it smelled gross - like crap.

They went to investigate and, sure enough, someone had opened up one of the display baskets, took one of those plastic eggs you can open to the bathroom, did #2 in the egg, and put it back on the table!!!

Seriously, that's not weird, that's what is this world coming to!

[gabriel]

Although the city I live in, Milwaukee WI is not considered a large city, we have our share of "eccentrics". There is one guy here that sits on the north west corner of Brady St & Farwell Avenue at a mini mall on a portable PA system spouting Bible verse to all who pass. If you make eye contact however BAD MOVE! - He stands up and tells you that you must give him money or the Lord will make you homosexual.

[Genius]

Well the government is weird in my country. They ban chewing gum, and has not changed since we became independent 40 years ago. All is pretty peaceful though.

[Critical]

I'm still waiting for Pom to come back and tell her story

Sacramento isn't that big a city, but we have a few eccentrics who aren't in public office

The one that stands out is a homeless woman in mid-town (mostly residential, treelined, Victorian homes, small business... and homeless people. It's an odd dichotomy). She walks everywhere right down the middle of the street. My cousin and I took to calling her Mother Nature because she talks to all the trees, plants and birds, etc.. As she walks down the road she waves her arms like she's conducting an orchestra. I'd be amazed if she hasn't been hit by a car at least once. Her wardrobe is what I'd call "homeless gardener chic"

[phat32]

Originally Posted by OnMyLunchBreak

Seriously, that's not weird, that's what is this world coming to!

What happened ain't right, OMLB. (But )

Originally Posted by Critical

Her wardrobe is what I'd call "homeless gardener chic"

Often, when I'm driving along, I'll see some poor schlub standing by the side of the road, waving a placard advertising a "Going out of business sale!" or some such thing.

To me, at least, this seems odd on a number of levels:

#1: If I were the manager of a store on the verge of shutdown, I'd simply throw an ad in the paper or on television and drum up my business that way. Why hire some poor bastard to stand all day by the side of the road, jumping up and down and shouting and vying for the attention of motorists uncomfortably trying to ignore them?

#2: Who are these hapless people who can't secure any other form of employment? If I were to compose a top ten list of nightmare occupations, I don't know if "sign waver by side of road" would make the list, but it would come damn close.

#3: Is this really an effective marketing strategy? I mean, does anyone drive by, spot these signs, and think, "You know, come to think of it, I really could use a 25 percent discount on $700 golf clubs! I'm going to bust a left right here!"?

[Pomeraniac]

I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s city stories, and I finally have time to describe an unusual summer day on which I witnessed and participated in two very similar – yet strikingly different – incidents that took place only hours apart.

One occurred in a suburb of Boston and one occurred in the heart of the city, but that’s not what was so notably different about each incident.

The date was July 28, 2004, and the Democratic National Convention was in full swing. The first incident happened early in the morning, out in a suburb of Boston, and the second incident occurred only about five hours later, in the heart of Downtown Boston.

Incident Number 1 (Morning in the Suburb)

I spent the previous night in a suburb of Boston and as I walked toward the train station I watched a very drunken, disheveled, dirty, homeless guy try to make his way across the tracks. “He’s loaded,” I thought to myself as the poor guy staggered around, and then I watched him fall flat on his face, right in the middle of the tracks. He was too wasted to pick himself up off the ground. When he tried to stand he just kept falling again.

The passersby were all business people who were hurrying to catch their morning train (like I was) and they all gave the fallen, drunken, dirty, homeless guy a very wide berth as they walked around him. I tried to avoid him, too, but my conscience just wouldn’t allow me to leave him there on the train tracks. I was afraid for his well-being, because it was a busy time of day and I knew he’d never haul himself up before the next train approached.

I quietly walked up to the guy and extended my hand to him, and in one quick motion I leaned back and hoisted him up onto the adjacent platform. Looking back on the situation, I’m amazed that I was able to lift the guy and pull him up onto the platform but I’m even more surprised that I stayed clean and dry and unscathed and uninfected by any microorganisms or parasites while doing it. I never said a word to the guy and I left him lying on the platform, where he was still a physical wreck but where at least he wouldn’t get squished by a train.

I didn’t think much of that little boost I gave to the guy, and I would have completely forgotten about my good deed if it were not so quickly followed by the thing that happened a mere five hours later.

Incident Number 2 (Noontime in the City)

July 28, 2004, was a Wednesday, and it was Day Three of the four-day long Democratic National Convention that was being held in Boston.

At about 12:30 p.m. I decided to run up the street for one of those salads from Wendy’s about which I often rave here at the FORT over in the “What are you drinking (and eating)?” thread.

When I reached the Reception Area of my office I noticed a large crowd of my coworkers looking out the window on the street below. They were looking at the parade of celebrities that was making its way into a very trendy restaurant called Radius.

Read a Review of Radius HERE

There was a big commotion on the street below my office because Hillary Clinton was inside Radius with a bunch of other celebrities and a lot of the locals wanted to catch a glimpse. It was apparently a big deal for the people of Boston, and Salon.com subsequently published an article about the luncheon.

I’ll paste the article’s first paragraph below and you can then link to the rest of it:

Partying with Tina and Hillary One of them alone is enough to draw the media A-list, but the two of them together proved utterly intoxicating for the chattering elite in Boston on Wednesday afternoon. It was the Tina and Hillary Show, a Hillary Clinton luncheon hosted by Tina Brown for her CNBC talk show, "Topic A," at celebrity chef Michael Schlow's Radius restaurant. Menu: Atlantic cod with sweet turnips, carrot confit, green beans and truffle vinaigrette.

Read Salon.com's Article About Hillary's Luncheon HERE

I made my way down to the Lobby of my office building and stepped onto the street to walk to Wendy’s, which is located around the corner from Radius.

As I walked up the street and headed away from the crowd gathered outside Radius, I saw a man in a wheelchair on the sidewalk straight ahead of me. I thought to myself, “Geez, he reminds me a lot of that homeless guy I picked up this morning, and he looks just as loaded, too!” The guy in the wheelchair was a wreck.

He was cursing and screaming loudly and flailing about, and he was lashing out at all the people around him on the sidewalk, for no apparent reason. He was clearly out of his mind.

I recalled that the officials of the City of Boston had taken a lot of heat in the media lately because of the efforts they made to rid the Boston streets of homeless people during the week of the Democratic National Convention.

I thought about how odd it was that this homeless guy in a wheelchair made it so close to the Hillary Clinton luncheon that was underway at Radius, just across the street.

“Hey, how did this one, lone, homeless guy slip through the Boston Homeless Crackdown’s cracks?” I wondered to myself as I approached him.

I planned to just walk on past him and then dash into Wendy’s but before I even reached him in the wheelchair something absolutely amazing happened: the homeless guy in the wheelchair tried to stand. He tried to stand!!!! GLORY HALLELUIAH, HE TRIED TO STAND!!!

He had been talking to himself and turning his head around, and then he put both hands firmly on the wheelchair’s armrests to prepare to push his inebriated head and torso upward.

For a split second I was overwhelmed with awe because I truly thought I was about to witness a miracle first hand; I braced myself for the impending parting of the clouds and the loud chorus of angels that would surely break into a song as this drunken, paraplegic, homeless man was about to take his first steps in many, many years.

I was transfixed by the enormity of what I was about to witness, so I purposely stood before him as he made his attempt to stand; I knew that I simply had to witness this most exciting medical miracle that was about to take place.

As the disheveled, drunken, dirty, homeless guy tried to stand up something even more shocking happened: he rose up but his pants stayed in the chair!!! He lifted himself up and as he stood, his pants promptly dropped to his ankles. More shocking, he was not wearing any underwear, and so as he stood and as his pants fell to the ground, all of his worldly possessions just hung out there for everyone to see – right across the street from Hillary’s luncheon at Radius!!!

The menu at Hillary's lunch may have been "Atlantic cod with sweet turnips, carrot confit, green beans and truffle vinaigrette," but if she or any of her guests happened to look out the window of the restaurant at that moment they'd have surely thought they'd been invited to a WEENIE ROAST, instead!

I was in utter shock and amazement, for that was certainly the strangest, weirdest thing I’d ever seen in any city, and I was absolutely not expecting it!!!

The drunken, naked guy quickly succumbed to the laws of gravity and he fell to the ground with a thud, and I was hoping that he’d land in a prone (face down) position so that I wouldn’t have to look at all of this worldly possessions anymore!!! Unfortunately, though, he landed on his back, and he just lay there, cussing and flailing and swearing and spitting.

Hillary Clinton, Tina Brown, Michael Moore, and all the other celebs, meanwhile, were enjoying their fancy lunch across the street while I was out there paralyzed by the shock of standing before a naked guy who was lying on the sidewalk and swearing like a maniac. I was laughing inside at the juxtaposition of the two scenes, but I was also filled with the conflicting emotions of embarrassment, compassion, anger, disgust, fear, and helplessness. And an intense desire to get the HE*L out of there, too!!!

It dawned on me that for the second time in only five hours I had the opportunity to help a drunken, homeless guy by lifting him back up to safety, but this time, I absolutely couldn’t do it.

This time, in the heart of the city with the drunken, nutty, naked, homeless guy writhing on the ground right in front of me, I refused to help. I simply couldn’t touch the guy – I refused. I might have been willing to pick the guy up, but I was absolutely, unequivocally unwilling to go anywhere near those fallen pants or those worldly possessions of his.

So instead I did the cowardly thing -- I ducked into a vestibule nearby, and then I watched in horror as the poor buggah rolled around and yelled, naked on the sidewalk. I just couldn’t go near him. I was in complete shock!!!

I wasn’t alone in my fear of the guy, though, because the lunchtime crowd of passersby was as repulsed by the scene as I was, and nobody stooped down to help the naked guy. It just seemed too dangerous, because he was flailing about, spitting and screaming and swearing, and it just seemed too scary to go near him.

Although it seemed to be similar to the scene in which I’d been involved earlier in the day at the train tracks, it was much different because this second guy was naked and screaming and angry and completely out of control.

I cowered in the doorway and waited for someone else to intervene and then, very quickly, two emergency vehicles showed up: (1) an ambulance, and (2) a Boston Police paddy wagon. Not surprising (to me, in light of the city’s Convention Crackdown on homeless people), the Police vehicle, not the ambulance, took the naked homeless guy away.

So I was tested twice on July 28, 2004, once in a suburb and once in the city. I batted only .500 that day, ‘cause I helped one guy but not the other.

Moral of the Story

The moral of the story, I guess, is that if you want my help after you get really drunk and then fall down, that’s fine. I’ll help you. I’m a pretty good sport. I’ll pick you up. I’ll help you, but only if your package is wrapped!!!

[PittGrrl04]

Originally Posted by speedbump

Wow, what memories. I remember him well. I always gave him change even after I heard he was a millionaire.

Urban legend has it that he moved to Morgantown and has been spotted panhandling around WVU. I can't imagine he makes more there.

[dagwood]

Originally Posted by Pomeraniac

The moral of the story, I guess, is that if you want my help after you get really drunk and then fall down, that’s fine. I’ll help you. I’m a pretty good sport. I’ll pick you up. I’ll help you, but only if your package is wrapped!!!

Good rule of thumb, Pom.

[Marleybone]

Originally Posted by roseskid

This is quite tame compared to these wonderful stories, but last night in Los Angeles, we saw a homeless man with a sign that read,

"WhY LIE. I NeED BEaR. GIVE mE MoNEY FOR BEER." I loved his honesty.

Did he look like this?