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Thread: Advice on child fleeing the nest

  1. #81
    FORT Fogey JamiLee's Avatar
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    PM me anytime !!

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  2. #82
    Me and my shadow Gutmutter's Avatar
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    rosekid - This is how old I am: My first college roommate was a chain smoker and I had sensitive lungs. I ended up with strep throat and a constant cold. Yes, you could smoke in the rooms, and they didn't bother to pair you up in any thoughtful manner. I just read this whole thread and didn't see this caution: REMEMBER!!! Nothing stays in the dorm over the summer! If you buy a fridge/microwave/tv what will happen to it at the end of the year? Laptops these days have music downloading and storage capability and my daughter's (required) laptop goes everywhere with her. If that's the same with your daughter you need a padded-for-laptop specific backback or messenger bag. The school offered a Dell computer deal that included free repairs. See if her school offers something similar. She also learned from friends about a small memory device that she got at Staples that stores ... Ok, I'm out of my league here, but she uses it all the time. My daughter has a nice digital camera with a super-memory card and she established a website where she downloads all her pictures so we can go see what she's up to any time. Again, out of my league, but kids these days seem to know how to do these things. It is fun and she takes a lot of pictures... more than you would if you were buying and developing film. Plus any family with a computer can go see her pictures. One more thought - several people have recommended pepper spray. Check with the local police. It is illegal in our state unless you have a permit that you can get easily at the police station, but you do need it. (It used to be piggy backed on a gun permit, but now it's separate). I'm also going to pass on advice I learned at the parents' orientation at my daughter's school (she just wrapped up her freshman year). She will call and unload her troubles and you will get upset. The biggest thing is that calling you gets it off her chest and after she hangs up she goes on and deals with the problem and you are left with all the worry. Be aware of that and try to let it go. This is when she will learn to solve her own problems. Don't try to solve them for her. It is not your place to be calling the RAs or scheduling office. It is her responsibility. One more thing (wow, I didn't know I had so much to say) write often!!! It is a big thrill to get mail even if you are e-mailing every day. Send surprise boxes with fun stuff - jewelry, twizzlers, seasonal decorations, stamps and notecards, filled in address book and birthday/anniversary book so she can keep in touch with extended family, gift certificates to stores or fast food venues you know are near campus. Money. photos. My ex-husband sent her a box from his dog with dog bones, a flea collar, etc. I don't know what she did with it. It was funny, but not very useful. A deck of cards, a wiffle ball and bat (they used it in the hallway for study breaks). Good luck!
    Count your blessings!

  3. #83
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Fort, why do I love thee? Because of all the lovely, caring people who call this place home. What can I say about JamiLee and Gutmutter's posts, except THANK YOU.

    JamiLee, what a sweet, heart-felt post from one empty-nester to someone who will be soon. Thank you for your suggestions, advice and caring. Lil Rose has been extremely responsible (we call her our 'Old Soul'), so hopefully she will continue in this manner (crossing fingers and toes). You will definitely be getting a pm from me if I end up taking this harder than I expect. Thanks for the heads up on the Home Depot sticky stuff . I wanted to get something similar that JLuvs was kind enough to tell me about it, and we've got a Home Depot just down the street, so I'll look for it there.

    Gutmutter, Lil Rose is required to have a laptop, too, so we'll definitely be getting a padded bag for it. We got her a digital camera for graduation, so the idea that she can zip us current pictures about what's going on in her life really comforts me. Thanks for the advice about the problem phone calls...I can see that happening, so I appreciate the advice.

    About the pepper spray...I used to run long distances, and a cop once told me to get a travel size bottle of hair spray, and carry that with me. Like he said, getting hair spray in your eyes, hurts. So I've had her carry one in her purse for a few years now.

    Again, thanks to you both for your caring posts.
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  4. #84
    FORT Fogey JamiLee's Avatar
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    I just wrote a whole post and it got wiped out (idle) grrrrrrrrrrr I hate that!

    Ok then short and sweet (maybe it's better because sometimes my posts are too long)

    Gutter great ideas!!

    Rose - you are very welcome! Thank you too for helping me (the smoking thing I greatly appreciated)

    I had to add and can't believe I'd forgotten. One of the best things we had going (saved a lot of worry and heart break for me and helped my daughter out by not looking like a baby calling her mom all the time not that she would have to me but, you know the age) we spoke every single day via AOL messenger. She'd have an away message where she was at and I could tell how she was doing from that. We were a click away from eachother and especially if she needed privacy (none in her room with 2 roomies) no need for anyone to know what she was typing to me. It was a life saver for me. If you haven't considered it I'd strongly suggest it!! Even if it were something your daughter didn't want she'd most likely do it for you and Mr. Rose......her messages brightened my days and really helped so much with me missing her. I know it was a comfort for her to see me on her computer screen with my away message as well. I had one message up most of the time which was in big bold letters: "phone is always on anytime for anything".
    And you know most kids want to act all cool and they don't miss their moms and dads (sure)......was just great to have that. It being free and on at all times was even better. She has kept in touch with not only me but, all of my family using that. Also I have a site with all pictures and kept a link to that and if she got homesick she could look at pictures and I loved seeing all her pictures of new friends and places. Downside is she talks too much on it to her friends and probably gets tired and might not be as productive which drives me crazy (same as me getting on the FORT) for 10 minutes and it turns into 2 hours........anyway, I had to add that!! They have wireless networking and she was on 99% of the time. I have a cable modem so hardly ever shut down the computer..
    Anyway, that is it!
    Take care Rose,
    Jami
    The Pats will be back next year. Watch out.....

  5. #85
    I like them silent WomynLee's Avatar
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    Roseskid, there are so many great ideas in here that I have nothing to add but congratulations on your daughter's graduation and college admittance. You must be very proud. How can one afford "theatre" when college tuition presents itself?

  6. #86
    all hot air Ana Bannana's Avatar
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    Rosekid!
    Just reading through this thread and I am oh so grateful that my son will be going to college locally!! However, there is so much useful information here, that I can use for him (laptop lock and credit card caution). He gets is cap and gown tomorrow, so I am pretty excited about that. I actually signed his diploma a week or so ago (since I am on the school board) and will be presenting it to him on stage. I hope I don't embarass him (or the rest of the family) with my emotional outburst.

  7. #87
    Dreamer rt1ky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Bannana
    Rosekid!
    Just reading through this thread and I am oh so grateful that my son will be going to college locally!! However, there is so much useful information here, that I can use for him (laptop lock and credit card caution). He gets is cap and gown tomorrow, so I am pretty excited about that. I actually signed his diploma a week or so ago (since I am on the school board) and will be presenting it to him on stage. I hope I don't embarass him (or the rest of the family) with my emotional outburst.

    Congratulations! What an amazing memeory for both of you and your family.

  8. #88
    FORTfruity applesauce's Avatar
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    There are some great ideas here. FORTers can truly help out in any situation. I didn't see this posted anywhere but what about a used bike with a good sturdy lock? I don't know if you are giving her a car to have at school (I remember some of your past posts about darling daughter and the car) but sometimes a bike can really come in handy to get around campus or to nearby stores.

  9. #89
    FORT Fogey Salome's Avatar
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    REMEMBER!!! Nothing stays in the dorm over the summer!
    Best advice, in my opinion. I went halfway across the country last August with only two suitcases, nothing else, and I'm so glad. My parents didn't come with me, but they mailed my trunk, which later also served as a piece of furniture.

    I'm so glad I didn't have as much crap as everyone else. University students don't really need stuff; we don't do much but study & party (and I don't even party... ). And we pour enough money into tuition and books, so I wouldn't buy or bring much other than the essential, like bedding and everyday clothing.

    Nice to have, however:
    - small laptop
    - cell phone
    - iPod
    - electric kettle (for making tea, don't get fat )

  10. #90
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WomynLee
    How can one afford "theatre" when college tuition presents itself?
    Aah, yes, that is definitely what we're facing. We just hope we can keep eating.

    Ana Banana, how wonderful you not only got to sign his diploma, but you also get to present it to him. What a special occurrence for both of you. Mr. Rose and I will be up in the grandstands with binoculars (there are over 900 kids in her senior class).

    Applesauce, what a great memory you have. Lil Rose refuses to get behind the wheel again, so yes, she will be using a bike to get around. She and I are flying there in about two weeks for a Summer Welcome program, and we're going to look into the bike arrangements while there.

    Thanks again for all the heartfelt good wishes and great advice. This has been extremely beneficial for the three of us, way beyond my wildest dreams.
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

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