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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #901
    FORT Fanatic GlitterxGold's Avatar
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    AHH! Ay Jennifer!

    I am not like, planning on doing this to anyone in particular *makes face at Jennifer and winks* but was just curious. My mom's side of the family is like hey bring anyone who wants to come, bf, gf, friend, their mama anybody! But my dad's side is less open like that. I was just curious how other people do it, if they wait a "certain" period of time, or what. I think I had one of my ex's come to a family thing about 6-9 months into our relationship (AFTER he already met my mom and first for an Easter lunch thing and then later progressed to Christmas). I am also a bit curious for in the future (not now lol) if a guy would feel weird if I were to ask him if he wanted to come to one of these.

    I have brought dates to work parties that were bf's, just friends, little BROTHERS of my friends, female friends, etc, and that's no biggie, but I do get grilled A LOT, especially since I am like their daughter and at that "magical" age where I should be "getting married any minute now!" I guess. I brought my friend's little brother, who was AWESOME and very mature for his age and he handled all the "grilling" questions perfectly and with ease. I think that's kind of rude how they do that, but I can't really get too upset. My co-workers and their spouses have been like family since I have been working there since I was 16 years old and they see me as a daughter. I have to keep in mind they are just looking out for me, but sometimes I just want to bring a date and not have him or her get harrassed and have ME feel comfy not being the only single girl there sometimes.
    Last edited by GlitterxGold; 11-08-2005 at 01:00 AM.

  2. #902
    My soul... Lonelyguy82's Avatar
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    Lol, I sucked at relationships with the girls, still I could've had a hundred girlfriend but there's one girl that I really, really, really, really, really like. Well, here's my story if anyone cares to read.

    Caution one longass story

    There is a girl who I really, really like. Her name is Heather. She's just all-time cool, popular and she also has this some kind of cool spirit and aura around her. Her signs, her moverments, and her facial expressions. She's also an extremely bright girl, smarter than I'll ever be - with perfect English grammar too but I totally can beat her at her game. It's one of my talents, I can beat anyone at their own games. Smart or dumb. I can figure out people's flaws quickly and I'm very good with judgmental at people but usually I reserved my own opinions. Anyways, I could go on and on about her. Anyone who meets her can tell she's a very bright girl with a strong personality but sometimes they can be a little turn-off or scared to get to know her more because at first impressed, she can be a total bitchy. But not her, I'm not scared of her at all.

    Anyways, here's my story with Heather. I know her for almost all my life. First time I met her when we were in the elementary school, and she wouldn't give me a time of her day. She was popular, and I wasn't (at first) but I got better and better when I got older in the grad school and I gained a lot friends by the time I was a senior in High school. (I lost for the nominated for the King prom It was a close race, or so they said. Still, it blew my mind on how much I've changed. From a little fat ugly boy to a handsome tall man who could be in Heather's league.) Heather wasn't around to see this because she moved out to a better private school when she was 13. I never saw her again and secretly, I had a serious crush on her and was really sadden to see her go. Now, fast forward to when we were 18, someone gave her my AIM sn without my permission and then out of the blue, she imed me. I was really surprised that she said she got better and nicer. She said she thought I was a total loser but she could tell I always had a potential. That was the bestest and sweetest thing anyone could ever tell me this. I felt so special. I know it was silly and superficial but whatever. She's the only girl that I really like and no other girls can beat her in my own eyes.

    Back to the story, we talked a LOT online for about a year and we got a lot closer. We had so much in commons. We were both working a high-paying job, and we always told each other how boring life was because there was nobody like us (we are deaf) around to social, and we're a little lonely. So, we just kept each other a company. We talked about a long-distance relationship one time (we were only like two hours apart) and we NEVER could do that because we just knew it won't work that way. So we just remained friends.

    About a year later, we told each other that we wanted to go to Unveristy so that we "just want to have a life and party." and so we applied for the same college: Gallaudet Univeristy (the only deaf university in the whole world). We were excited becuase we both got accepted. We quitted the high-paying jobs that we both don't care for, and went there in the fall. We were happy to see each other but we had a different crowd, and we unfortunately never got a chance to party together, then she found a boyfriend. I was a little jealous but we talked whenever we could, and that was okay with me. I never had a girlfriend just because I could never found a girl just like her, hence my screenname "Lonelyguy82". Then I left the college because I found another job that paid really well and Heather stayed here. She is now a senior in Gallaudet University.

    Ok, finally, now here's the problem: I just visited her and my old friends again last month for the homecoming weekend and we had so much fun partying together. Then one night, we were really stoned, and drunk, I finally told my true feelings for her. All of it. She smiled at me and she said "I like you too but stop with all this." And that's it. No long confessed feelings. No sex. Nothing. Just "I like you too but stop with all this." And then the conversation ended just like that. Needlessly to say, I was pretty heartbroken after that. I was really mess inside and looked just fine outside. I even partied with her and I hid my real feelings from her. I even cried to sleep the next night because she still won't talk about it or even acknowledge about it. Heather didn't know about this but I got upset really bad that I actual missed a flight. Up to now, we weren't talking anymore on online. I tried to logical about it that maybe she's busy with her college and sorority life or whatever but she's always finds the time to talk to me online. I had to imed her few times but she said she's tired, busy or even too drunk to me. So, when I asked her who she was partying with, she snapped at me "Who do you think I am with?" Very classic of Heather when she's really bitchy. (I think she was partying with her sorority sisters but I didn't bother to answer her because I signed off on her.)

    This is really suckass and I couldn't sleep well for many nights just because I just feel like this whole thing was my fault for ruining our friendship relationships that I'll always cherish. I never NEVER had a girlfriend, and I'm scared to go into another relationship with another girl that I can't even think about it.. I can't help it but I'm starting to being too insercue with myself. I know I'm a good looker (I look better than her, imo), smart, have some money, and with an interesting life on my own and yet I'm still alone?
    Last edited by Lonelyguy82; 11-08-2005 at 02:30 AM.
    Stop the world! I want to get off!

    Young and thriving, I feel infinite. Need I say more?

  3. #903
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    Quote Originally Posted by GlitterxGold
    AHH! Ay Jennifer!

    I am not like, planning on doing this to anyone in particular *makes face at Jennifer and winks* but was just curious. My mom's side of the family is like hey bring anyone who wants to come, bf, gf, friend, their mama anybody! But my dad's side is less open like that. I was just curious how other people do it, if they wait a "certain" period of time, or what. I think I had one of my ex's come to a family thing about 6-9 months into our relationship (AFTER he already met my mom and first for an Easter lunch thing and then later progressed to Christmas). I am also a bit curious for in the future (not now lol) if a guy would feel weird if I were to ask him if he wanted to come to one of these.

    I have brought dates to work parties that were bf's, just friends, little BROTHERS of my friends, female friends, etc, and that's no biggie, but I do get grilled A LOT, especially since I am like their daughter and at that "magical" age where I should be "getting married any minute now!" I guess. I brought my friend's little brother, who was AWESOME and very mature for his age and he handled all the "grilling" questions perfectly and with ease. I think that's kind of rude how they do that, but I can't really get too upset. My co-workers and their spouses have been like family since I have been working there since I was 16 years old and they see me as a daughter. I have to keep in mind they are just looking out for me, but sometimes I just want to bring a date and not have him or her get harrassed and have ME feel comfy not being the only single girl there sometimes.
    Hmmmm. Well, I had to ask. You know we all want to watch a romance happen right before our eyes.

    I think when people ask rude questions, just make up stuff. Have the guy (platonic or otherwise) say things like "Well, I don't see any long term potential, but it beats watching TV on a Saturday night" or blatantly lie ("Yeah, I pretty much run Microsoft. Bill doesn't make the big decisions without talking to me first."). Then you and he can have fun placing bets on whether or not people will have a talk with you about your bad choice in men. But that's just me- I like to mess with rude, nosy people. I guess I should add that I'm in my mid-thirties and still single, so maybe you would be smarter not to take much relationship advice from me.

  4. #904
    My soul... Lonelyguy82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyguy82
    Blah, blah, blah... I can't help it but I'm starting to being too insercue with myself. I know I'm a good looker (I look better than her, imo), smart, have some money, and with an interesting life on my own and yet I'm still alone?
    Oops, i meant to say, I look better than her ex, not her. She'll always be beautiful. I have a picture while she was in the pledge for sorority, it's a good picture. I could show you a picture of her if you guys want to see...
    Stop the world! I want to get off!

    Young and thriving, I feel infinite. Need I say more?

  5. #905
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyguy82
    Oops, i meant to say, I look better than her ex, not her. She'll always be beautiful. I have a picture while she was in the pledge for sorority, it's a good picture. I could show you a picture of her if you guys want to see...
    Lonelyguy, women are not as hung up on looks as men are. The man I'm in love with is not your stereotypical handsome man, but his sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and wisdom were irresistible to me. Seriously, most men look a LOT at outer beauty, I know, but women look at the man's personality. Okay, sometimes the size of his....wallet (what did you think I was going to say? ), but most women are more interested in his personality.

    Please notice I said "most" not "all" in each case. I realize there are exceptions- men who love a woman for her mind rather than her body and women who are all about the hotness factor.

  6. #906
    My soul... Lonelyguy82's Avatar
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    I agreed with you 100 percent. My mom's feminist herself and she taught me and my brother that looks and body NEVER make us happy if we focus solely on that. That it is a shallow, vanity, stupid and that no one are perfect. Then, I have a 16-year-old sister, and she's a real beauty but only she doesn't care about her looks either. One time I tried to suggest her that couldn't she do something different with her hairstyle that it's always same since she was 10! My mom, who overheard me, shuts me down and tells me that I didn't need to "bring" insecurity in Brittany (my baby sister)'s life and I realized that she's right. So I just let her be the way she is.

    I'm more aware with everything that's going on in the world, - like for example that men will always based on, like you said, outer beauty. That it's always sex, sex, sex thing. That it's men's world. Other time, one of my friends asked me in a very philosophy way that which is most important to me; looks and personality? I said personality, of course. He said he would picked personality too but then again, he made a bad habit falling in love with the pretty girls that are totally wrong for him or out of his league. Now he prefered to be a single and thinks all women are INSANE. .

    I think... too many people are still idolizing the beauty for like a million of years. If it won't change then, then obviously, it won't change now or 100 years later. At least, here in America, women are lucky to have a lot more protections, choices and freedoms than in the past when men used, abused and/or control women.

    I never had a girlfriend, and I didn't feel I NEED to have one. I don't care if I died alone with no family or friends - just as long as I'm happy with my life's result. Good or bad. I don't care as long as my life's interesting and exciting, then I'm okay with it.

    I knew love is a wonderful thing and I tried to give it a shot and she, Heather, the only girl I really liked so much, just cruelly shot me down last month. I just don't understand because I KNOW she's the one for me. Heather, I feel, doesn't really want me or maybe even worse, thinks I'm like a brother to her or something.

    Sorry, I'm not that a deep person. I just want to vent my frustrations.
    Last edited by Lonelyguy82; 11-08-2005 at 05:22 AM.
    Stop the world! I want to get off!

    Young and thriving, I feel infinite. Need I say more?

  7. #907
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyguy82
    I knew love is a wonderful thing and I tried to give it a shot and she, Heather, the only girl I really liked so much, just cruelly shot me down last month. I just don't understand because I KNOW she's the one for me. Heather, I feel, doesn't really want me or maybe even worse, thinks I'm like a brother to her or something.

    Sorry, I'm not that a deep person. I just want to vent my frustrations.
    Hate to break it to you but she didn't cruelly shoot you down. She was pretty firm about it but cruel would have been stringing you along so she could dump you in front of her girl friends or a guy she liked or super gluing your penis to your stomach. Frankly in your shoes, I would prefer a firm answer to one that kept you in limbo for ages.

    Here's another thing I have to break to you, the Heather you want, doesn't exist. I think you have built her up in your mind to fit into this perfect relationship you have in mind. A relationship isn't one sided and it sounds like your relationship with Heather was going to be buddies, not soul mates. The romance seems to be all coming from you, not her.

    My advice. Stop talking to her. Stop trying to IM her. She doesn't want you. You make the wrong move now you go from nice guy that she didn't want to creepy stalker guy that she really doesn't want. Work on making a life without her. Met people. Do activities. Get involved. Finish school if possible and move on. You don't have to date if you don't want to but for God sakes you need to move off of this relationship that never really happened. In a way those are the hardest to get over but you can't let this ruin the chances for something else.

    good luck.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  8. #908
    My soul... Lonelyguy82's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nlmcp
    Hate to break it to you but she didn't cruelly shoot you down. She was pretty firm about it but cruel would have been stringing you along so she could dump you in front of her girl friends or a guy she liked or super gluing your penis to your stomach. Frankly in your shoes, I would prefer a firm answer to one that kept you in limbo for ages.
    Very true. At least, she did me a favor.

    Quote Originally Posted by nlmcp
    Here's another thing I have to break to you, the Heather you want, doesn't exist. I think you have built her up in your mind to fit into this perfect relationship you have in mind. A relationship isn't one sided and it sounds like your relationship with Heather was going to be buddies, not soul mates. The romance seems to be all coming from you, not her.

    My advice. Stop talking to her. Stop trying to IM her. She doesn't want you. You make the wrong move now you go f rom nice guy that she didn't want to creepy stalker guy that she really doesn't want. Work on making a life without her. Met people. Do activities. Get involved. Finish school if possible and move on. You don't have to date if you don't want to but for God sakes you need to move off of this relationship that never really happened. In a way those are the hardest to get over but you can't let this ruin the chances for something else.

    good luck.
    Wow. Just wow... I like that you're so frank about my "lovesick" with her. You really brought me back to earth... Now, I think I'm in love with you. Psh! Just kidding! That's exactly what I'm doing - bsing around with my own life, and I haven't really talk to her yet since I got back home. The few times I imed her was because I have a ton of HC pictures that I thought she might wants to see, only she's too busy or too drunk to talk to me. Other than that, nothing, really. Honest, I swear...

    I don't believe that there will be anything going on between us, and I'm not going to wait for her forever either.

    Sheesh! It's getting very late here and I'm still up. I'm off to bed now. Thanks for the advice, nlmcp.
    Last edited by Lonelyguy82; 11-08-2005 at 06:25 AM.
    Stop the world! I want to get off!

    Young and thriving, I feel infinite. Need I say more?

  9. #909
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonelyguy82
    Wow. Just wow... I like that you're so frank about my "lovesick" with her. You really brought me back to earth... Now, I think I'm in love with you. Psh! Just kidding! . Thanks for the advice, nlmcp.
    Oh please, I'm old enough to be your mother.

    Which is why I can cut through to the heart of the matter, I've been there and done that on both sides and have had plenty of time to look back and see what I did wrong.

    Now I fly the internet saving people from themselves. (ok so that is just my little fantasy)

    Good luck.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  10. #910
    FORT Fan Shaybo's Avatar
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    Having problems with my hubby

    Hey Guys,
    I really need some advice right now. About a month ago my husband met a really nice woman in work shes very out going and nice. She was once in a very bad marriage so bad he used to hit her all the time, so she fought back by stabbing him and taking the kids and got out.

    Ever since he found that out thats all he ever talks about. Well hubby and I invited her and the kids over for dinner on Sunday. During that time he was acting like a nervous school boy and doing things that I have to ask him to do ie dishes.

    I mean whenever he talks about her I feel like I'm shrinking to two inches tall. Why do I feel threatened by her? Is it because shes single? Is it because I have security issuses? Or is it because its that time of the month and I'm hormonal.

    Thanks Guys Shaybo
    There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved- George Sand

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