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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #621
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Never go for the life of the party. Look for the guy who is smiling at the a## at the center of the attention. JMO.

  2. #622
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.D.
    Please don't think that. These guys are good at what they do, some of them have a lot of practice under their belts and have perfected their hobby. You weren't stupid. Don't let anyone tell you that you are or were. It breaks my heart that you think you were in any way responsible for this calamity. And just think, maybe sharing your story will help the next woman know what to look for in one of these men and save her the heartache you have gone through.
    Thanks, JD. I was just responding to CallieCutie's comment that I at least had some signs, which she hadn't had. I guess naive is a better word, as I hadn't ever been lied to like that before.

    I only shared that so Callie wouldn't feel so bad about her situation. Guess it worked.

  3. #623
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    Here's a true relationship nightmare story. Last summer my best friend met this British guy in Amersterdam, and they been flying back and forth etc, phone calls everyday, emails etc. Anyway, they were planning on getting married either in Amersterdam or Vancouver, and he flew out last week to see him. The boyfriend neglected to tell him that he has a new boyfriend who has moved in with him. Anyway, a hotel is about 300 euro's a night, and to fly back to Vancouver on short notice would cost about 3 thousand dollars, so he's still has one more week of living with his ex-fiancee and new boyfriend. The boyfriend seems to think there is nothing wrong with his behaviour, and I've met him and he seemed totally normal, educated, polite etc. Sociopath? This has been extremely painful and humiliating but the thing is, my friend has some weird gaydar for getting involved with Mr. Wrong.

    His last serious relationship was this guy who said he was working on his Master's degree ( on the subject of sexual behaviour in gay men ) through correspondence with the University of Oklahoma, which sounded fishy to me, as I've never heard of anyone getting a Master's in that way and its such a rarefied subject. Anyway they were not having safe sex, as ex boyfriend said he was fine. Then, my friend found a disability bus pass in his wallet ( what he was doing in his wallet I don't know). Six months later the boyfriend starts losing weight dramatically, and then ends up in the hospital with pneumonia. I had to scream at my friend to wake up and smell the burning flesh, his boyfriend has Aids, but he was in total denial. Anyway, all my suspicions turned out to be correct, friend goes through major crisis about possibly being infected himself, and the loss of his boyfriend. He turned out to be ok, but the boyfriend did die, his body couldn't handle the cocktail.

    My friend is also an extremely normal, nice guy, and very good looking, one of those types who has no problem attracting people, but just makes very bad choices.

  4. #624
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pomeraniac
    Well put, J.D.!!! Neither CallieCutie nor JenniferInColorado is to blame for what those cheating liars did.
    Awww, thanks, Pom! I know it wasn't my fault, but it still hurts when others seem to imply that I should have wised up sooner. You're a good friend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pomeraniac
    I was hit on recently by a guy who's very shady about his current situation. He gave me only his cell phone number, he wants to come to MY place, and he told me, "You're so cute" when I asked him to tell me if he is married or involved with someone.

    He never did give me a straight answer, and he threw up some other red flags, too, so now I've blown him off completely and I'm very glad I did.
    Good for you. In my younger days, I admit I was more easily swayed by a man's sweet talk or trying to make me feel bad for *gasp* daring to suspect them of anything. Now I figure if they truly are a good guy he will understand, because there are jerks out there. In fact, he will be glad I am taking care of myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pomeraniac
    Big clues that a guy's involved with at least one other person: (1) he won't give you a home telephone number, just a cell phone number; (2) he won't tell you anything about where he lives, let alone invite you over to his house; (3) he doesn't follow through with stuff when he says he will, and then he doesn't call to cancel -- that means that something came up with the wife, and it didn't fit into his original plan to juggle you in; (4) he insists on meeting you at your place or in your town (to reduce the likelihood that one of his or the wife's acquantainces will see you out with him); and (5) he seems way too interested in getting things moving way too quickly.
    This might also mean that he's living with his parents and too embarrassed to tell you. For some reason, guys are very sensitive about this, even if they have a good reason to be living with the parents. In fact, if you suspect that the man you are seeing is married, just say (with an aghast look on your face) "Ummm, you aren't living with your parents, are you?" He'll be so eager to deny it that he'll probably tell you the truth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pomeraniac
    Once I get the notion that he's a playah I just walk away and ignore the calls, etc. Screw that.
    And remember, ladies (and guys), players aren't always obvious. A few weeks ago, I was asked out by an "aw shucks" player. You know the type- they have that false modesty about them to the point you almost feel bad suspecting them of being a player.

  5. #625
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO
    Awww, thanks, Pom! I know it wasn't my fault, but it still hurts when others seem to imply that I should have wised up sooner. You're a good friend.
    No, JenniferInCO, you're the good friend!!! You quoted my post completely, and I'm glad to know that you got something out of it.

    You see, I posted that at about 6:10 p.m. and then about five minutes later I went in through the "Edit" button and I purposely deleted the post entirely.

    In the window that asks, "Reason for Deleting Post" I typed, "Worthless post. Even for me."

    I decided to delete my post 'cause I was thinking to myself, "Who cares if lying, cheating guys are still leading you on, Pom? Who needs to read about that crap?" and that's why I purposely deleted the post.

    After it got deleted I was directed back to the thread, where I found your post, quoting mine.

    So I guess maybe it wasn't so worthless after all, and I guess YOU care about reading that crap!!!

    So thanks, Jen; I'm glad you read it and I hope it helped!!

  6. #626
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pomeraniac
    No, JenniferInCO, you're the good friend!!! You quoted my post completely, and I'm glad to know that you got something out of it.

    You see, I posted that at about 6:10 p.m. and then about five minutes later I went in through the "Edit" button and I purposely deleted the post entirely.

    In the window that asks, "Reason for Deleting Post" I typed, "Worthless post. Even for me."

    I decided to delete my post 'cause I was thinking to myself, "Who cares if lying, cheating guys are still leading you on, Pom? Who needs to read about that crap?" and that's why I purposely deleted the post.

    After it got deleted I was directed back to the thread, where I found your post, quoting mine.

    So I guess maybe it wasn't so worthless after all, and I guess YOU care about reading that crap!!!

    So thanks, Jen; I'm glad you read it and I hope it helped!!
    I do care- it's nice to know I'm not alone. I wouldn't ever want to get to the point we're male-bashing because I know there are great guys (a lot of them here and one very special one I work with. ), but it is nice to know that we have friends we can talk to about the not-so-great ones so we'll have the courage to leave them behind and hold out for a great one.

    (So, I suppose my post is going to be deleted since I've replied to a deleted post...?)
    Last edited by JenniferInCO; 05-29-2005 at 08:45 PM.

  7. #627
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO
    I do care- it's nice to know I'm not alone. I wouldn't ever want to get to the point we're male-bashing because I know there are great guys (a lot of them here ), but it is nice to know that we have friends we can talk to about the not-so-great ones so we'll have the courage to leave them behind and hold out for a great one.
    You're definitely not alone, Jen, unfortunately. And I agree that yeah, a lot of the good guys ARE here!!! For sure!

    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO
    (So, I suppose my post is going to be deleted since I've replied to a deleted post...?)
    Geez, I hope not, but I don't think so. I don't think it matters.

    I've been known to sometimes post some edgy wisecracks in Show Discussion threads that have subsequently been deleted by mods (hard to believe, huh?). Later, I noticed that someone quoted my crack (the wisecrack, I mean) before it got deleted, and that quote remained. So I think we're okay.

  8. #628
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    Quote Originally Posted by JR.
    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO
    Okay, since you brought it up I'd really like a guys opinion. There is a man I work with who I am very interested in and he has in the past acted interested in my as well (stopping by "just to say hello", calling to ask something he could have found out another way, etc.), but he never asked me out. On the one hand, I have friends who think it's because we work together and it might make it uncomfortable, but on the other hand we have that stupid "just not that into you" book that tells me he would ask me out if he were interested.

    After a few years of working together should I just give up, or go for it? And if I go for it, do you think I should have another job lined up just in case...
    I say got for it. What's the worst that can happen? Maybe he felt that you weren't interested before, so he didn't ask. Unless your work has a policy that doesn't allow employees dating, I wouldn't worry too much about that.
    Guess who I had lunch with- alone- today?

    Okay, nothing special (yet?), just lunch between two coworkers, but OH-I-AM-SO-HAPPY-AND-JUST-WANTED-TO-SHARE!!!! I am trying really hard not to overanalyze things right now and just wait patiently to see what happens.

  9. #629
    JR.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO
    I am trying really hard not to overanalyze things right now
    But that's what women do

    That is the best way to handle it though, don't think too much, just go with it.

  10. #630
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    Quote Originally Posted by JR.
    But that's what women do
    That is so true! And I'm an analytical person anyway, so double that!

    *takes deep breath* I will remain calm and see what happens, even though I have this feeling of dread for some reason...I hope it's just stress from work overload, though.

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