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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #591
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    *rubs temples* All right, all right.

    As Lucy said, at the risk of sounding like I'm piling on the criticism, let me tell you that the worst thing that a man can do is to sound angry or bitter.

    So, you're on the right track, but I'd take a different tack:

    (pointing at self) "Hey, I'm like a wild stallion--I can't be tied down."

    or:

    "The sugar train runs express; it don't stop at every station."

    And while she's trying to figure out that last one, ask her out.

    (I'm kidding...for the most part.)



    From what I understand, it's not older men, per se, but the confidence and just awareness of oneself that comes with age. It's not age. You can meet a worthwhile partner at 25, 35 or 45.



    It is a process...



    That won't work if you keep thinking like that.



    To a certain extent, I've really come to believe that you can influence your life around you, and whether that's a positive environment for you, whether that's what you want.

    So don't let your environment dictate your state-of-mind; let your state-of-mind dictate the environment around you. Be like Capt. Kirk, man: If you don't like the environment, if it doesn't suit you, then you change the environment to suit you.

    I've got a homework assignment for you: Today, walk tall and straight, have a confident smile for the people around you and say "Hello" in a warm, friendly way. I think you'd be surprised at how positively you'll be received. And that's an addictive feeling.

    Well written and thought out. But I don't believe its that easy. Sorta like... I give great advice but I don't take my own advice. Ones state of mind can ceratinly play a big part in how we live and let live. While we can try and change the way we think... I believe we let our hearts think more for us... and a broken heart can change the way we think or react forever.

  2. #592
    So Far Away Yellow Apple's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broadway
    Aren't we all, YA, aren't we all? And we're all afraid of rejection in some way. so the key is to work with it in your own style. Get to know the girl to a large degree before you casually say "would you like to do X together sometime?"
    Another thing is, I'm bad at reading signals. So if a girl is flirting with me, I don't even know it until afterwards. A lot of times I'll go to a club or party with a friend of mine and he'll tell me "Dude, that girl wants you. She was totally hitting on you," and I'll tell him "No way. You're crazy, man. She doesn't want me." Because in my mind I don't see where most girls would be interested. Goes back to that confidence and security thing.

    Oddly though, I'm openly secure in the fact that I'm insecure. How's that for irony? Almost as bad as the guy who can't swallow pills trying to kill himself by swallowing pills...
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  3. #593
    FORT scientist astrogirl_2100's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    Who are these people that ask why you aren't married? That's a rude question to put to anyone, man or woman.
    I usually answer the question "Why aren't you married" with a "No one ever asked me". And its not like most singles have been proposed to and turned the offer down anyway, so we really don't have much of a choice, now do we? Like anyone could get married if they just wanted to!

  4. #594
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yellow Apple
    Another thing is, I'm bad at reading signals. So if a girl is flirting with me, I don't even know it until afterwards. A lot of times I'll go to a club or party with a friend of mine and he'll tell me "Dude, that girl wants you. She was totally hitting on you," and I'll tell him "No way. You're crazy, man. She doesn't want me." Because in my mind I don't see where most girls would be interested. Goes back to that confidence and security thing.
    put on a sly grin, look the girl in the eye and say, "are you flirting with me?" if she is, she'll laugh and say so. if she's taken aback - a clear signal she wasn't flirting - then say, "i didn't think so, but wanted to make sure." then buy her a beer.

  5. #595
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    Quote Originally Posted by libra1022
    Critical we're hunting in the exact same groups too! I'm a year younger but we're in the same search group.
    for us! The last guy I dated was 31 Seriously, I'd date younger if I could, but I just can't handle dating a guy who still lives with his college roommate...or his parents!

    My quiz for guys to see if they have "Mommy Issues" is as follows:
    Complete the following sentence:
    "The last time I saw my mother was"
    a. That castrating b!tch? Not since I blew town at 17
    b. I only see her on the holidays, but I call her once a week
    c. Yesterday. I like to check in on her regularly and do home repairs
    d. This morning when she opened my bedroom door and told me it was time to get up
    If it's "a" or "d".... See ya!

    YA - in my experience, everyone has growing up to do. It's just a part of being alive. I'm one of the shyest people you'll ever meet. What I do when I'm out and "looking" is just act like every possible date is a friend already. What I mean is that I act friendly and outgoing and just talk to them. I'm horrible at picking up signals too, so if I just hang out and talk to a guy for a while, my odds of picking up any signals increases.

    If someone asks me why I'm not married (which I agree is a rude question) I just tell them the truth - I haven't met the right person yet.
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

  6. #596
    Can They Do It?? mrdobolina's Avatar
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    Here's my $0.02....

    Match.com is the way to go. Even moreso these days. I started using Match way back when there was a definite stigma to online dating. And I would get frustrated at not getting a response, or when someone would just stop emailing. But I stuck it out. I went on a ton of dates, some great, some good, and some BAD! When I was "needy" and really bumming because I hadn't had a solid relationship in a long time, that's when I got the fewest responses. When I didn't care, and decided that I didn't really care and I just wanted to have fun and meet some new people....BOOM. That's when I met my true love. It works. Believe me. I met my true love on Match! There are A LOT more women on Match these days. The tide has turned, and women are embracing the technology. They are finally figuring out that it is more risky to meet a random joe at a bar, than it is to chat with him online after reading his profile.

    YA, confidence is a hard thing to have and to carry. I know it. But, suddenly a light will come on. You are a catch. Believe it. Know it. Live it. And suddenly, they will be falling at your feet. Don't be needy, don't act like the world will end if you don't find "the one" on your very next date. It won't.

    One more thing....don't worry about age. 30 was the best year of my life(until now, now that I am in a stellar relationship). I met some great women, got a new job, moved back to CO....I could go on. Age doesn't matter...for either of you. Relax, laugh, smile, make eye contact, LISTEN.

    You'll be telling everyone at the FoRT about your success in no time!
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  7. #597
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yellow Apple
    Another thing is, I'm bad at reading signals. So if a girl is flirting with me, I don't even know it until afterwards.
    Most guys do. That's why subtle is bad ladies!

    YA just always assume they are interested, that way you've got a 50/50 shot at being right.

  8. #598
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    plus YA, if they are talking to you, thats a start so improve on it!

  9. #599
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    A couple of male perspectives. Excellent. Not that the advice from the ladies was bad, but it's always nice to know I'm not the only guy who has struggled with this. I know I'm not, but it feels like I am sometimes. Especially when almost every other guy I know close to my age is married or has a girlfriend.

    I'm sure I'll end up at a club or a party somewhere this weekend, so I'll have to try the new techniques and see if they work.

    Failing that, there's always the ol' match.com, I guess. Though the eharmony thing didn't work out too well, so I'm a little wary of trying the online thing again. But I'm not ruling anything out at this point. Have to keep all options open...
    R.I.P Willie Dog (?/?/1989-12/17/2004). Gone but never forgotten.

    Welcome Zelda (and a hot of other names)! (Born 08/08/2005, adopted 10/08/2005)

    Also welcome Shasta! (Born ?/?/2004, Adopted 03/??/07)

  10. #600
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    Now it's my turn to ask for relationship advice.....

    I am NOT the best in relationships...I am highly over-analytical but have learned from my past mistakes and like to think I have a good idea of what I want/need/like and know how to read the signs if there...however, I'm not the best to take my own advice and tend to now proceed very cautiously before making any big quick judgements/decisions.

    I'm in a new relationship and everything has been, well, pretty darn near perfect. My BF has a large circle of friends that are incestious with one another (through church)...he has dated a few, some have had crushes on him and visa versa, he has had crushes on others...it's one big gene pool. Some friends are more protective than others so sometimes, I have felt like I was under a microscope. Not ideal, weird sometimes, but I'm ok overall dealing with the mix of jealous women friends on one condition....they acknowledge our relationship NOW.

    My BF has not been in a "relationship" for a little while but his last GF was not cut off very clearly because he is very compassionate and doesn't want to hurt people's feelings. There have been a few instances where she has acted "overtly" in my opinion, like she still has feelings for him. They co-own a boat together, she calls at least once a week, when she makes contact with him and I'm around, I might as well be invisible. I know this all makes my BF feel awkward and I know how he feels about her/me so it's not a trust issue as much as I'd like to say a respect issue.

    He also has this other female friend that he has traveled with, done fun things with, but no romantic spark there although there was a time when the questions were raised to see if there was a spark. She wanted to go boating with him the other day alone; she also called him while we were at a party Saturday night and asked "where are you?" MY BF doesn't see anything wrong with this all....there's not, on a lot of the surface, but I'm not one to sit passively by and allow a train wreck to occur either.

    For me to express my feelings about it, he makes it seem like I'm feeling insecure or trying to control him and I have NEVER asked him to change his friends, not go out with them all (which in fact he has)...all I have asked is that I know there has been a clear line drawn with these female friends by him so that they know that he is with one woman now romantically. I feel like they are not respecting his boundaries now, although I also wonder if my BF has even drawn boundaries.

    Here's the analogy that he has that makes me feel bad...if you own a dog you care about, you can control it by keeping it on a leash or in a fenced backyard...if you didn't have those mechanisms in place and the dog left anyway, was it really worthwhile trying to hold on to? This is NOT a control issue for me though...I have guy friends I do stuff with, but have chosen not to, whether asked or not, because I want my BF to have comfort my attention is with him. Now I feel that the topic has reared its head, damage has been done and I hate it. It feels awkward, even more so because a perfect relationship has been strained due to outside parties.

    Anyone had a situation like this????
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