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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #571
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    I don't mean to sound like we're piling on here, but I agree with Sher and Igotalife. Self-confidence and bragging are two different things. I think the key is that you have to like yourself. If you don't like yourself, how's anyone else going to like you? You might have qualities that someone else might like a lot, but if you're negative about them, people are going to perceive them negatively.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  2. #572
    Mixing Old Fashioneds PhoneGrrrl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    Who are these people that ask why you aren't married? That's a rude question to put to anyone, man or woman.
    A big to Phat's comment. If anyone dare ask me that, they would be lucky to walk away with all their limbs attached.

    YA, just a thought--if you're really looking for a relationship, maybe you should disengage youreself from these 'why are you not married' negative people and it'll help your own attitude toward yourself. In a similar way, a friend of mine had a really negative boss, always putting her down, and she got very depressed and thought she'd never succeed. She ultimately quit and is now doing great now and has totally turned her view of herself around and is even back to getting her PhD. Could work for you too.

  3. #573
    So Far Away Yellow Apple's Avatar
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    I usually just make a smartass remark like: "If I knew why, then I wouldn't be not married, would I?" That usually leaves them scratching their heads trying to figure out what the hell I just said.

    I keep hearing that girls like older men, etc, but where's the proof (now I sound like a durg addict)?

    I like myself more than I used to, but obviously not as much as I should. It's a process, though. Maybe one day I'll grow up...

    ... but probably not.

    Oh, and I like the amnesia line, Igotareallygoodcomeback. I may have to use that one myself...

    I'm not really "looking" for a relationship, but if one comes by then I'll take it. That's really the one thing that I don't have. I have a decent job, I'm not in prison, not a drug addict, and not dead. So overall I'm doing alright. But there's still one thing missing. For now I am just trying to enjoy life as much as I can at the moment. Not always totally successful, but eh... that's life.
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  4. #574
    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yellow Apple
    I usually just make a smartass remark like: "If I knew why, then I wouldn't be not married, would I?" That usually leaves them scratching their heads trying to figure out what the hell I just said.
    *rubs temples* All right, all right.

    As Lucy said, at the risk of sounding like I'm piling on the criticism, let me tell you that the worst thing that a man can do is to sound angry or bitter.

    So, you're on the right track, but I'd take a different tack:

    (pointing at self) "Hey, I'm like a wild stallion--I can't be tied down."

    or:

    "The sugar train runs express; it don't stop at every station."

    And while she's trying to figure out that last one, ask her out.

    (I'm kidding...for the most part.)

    I keep hearing that girls like older men, etc, but where's the proof (now I sound like a durg addict)?
    From what I understand, it's not older men, per se, but the confidence and just awareness of oneself that comes with age. It's not age. You can meet a worthwhile partner at 25, 35 or 45.

    I like myself more than I used to, but obviously not as much as I should. It's a process, though. Maybe one day I'll grow up...
    It is a process...

    ... but probably not.
    That won't work if you keep thinking like that.

    For now I am just trying to enjoy life as much as I can at the moment. Not always totally successful, but eh... that's life.
    To a certain extent, I've really come to believe that you can influence your life around you, and whether that's a positive environment for you, whether that's what you want.

    So don't let your environment dictate your state-of-mind; let your state-of-mind dictate the environment around you. Be like Capt. Kirk, man: If you don't like the environment, if it doesn't suit you, then you change the environment to suit you.

    I've got a homework assignment for you: Today, walk tall and straight, have a confident smile for the people around you and say "Hello" in a warm, friendly way. I think you'd be surprised at how positively you'll be received. And that's an addictive feeling.
    Last edited by phat32; 05-18-2005 at 03:14 PM.
    "...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things dont always soften the bad things, but...the bad things dont always spoil the good things." - The Doctor

  5. #575
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    "The sugar train runs express; it don't stop at every station."
    Off to post another comment in the "I laugh out loud" thread. Too funny Phat...."that Hansel, he is sooo hot"
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  6. #576
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phatmaster
    I've got a homework assignment for you: Today, walk tall and straight, have a confident smile for the people around you and say "Hello" in a warm, friendly way. I think you'd be surprised at how positively you'll be received. And that's an addictive feeling.
    Awesome advice, from everyone!


    YA, I'm not going to add on to everything everyone else has already said except to say... take a look around this board and see how often people criticize a woman that's in her mid to late 30s, single, with no children. We're actualy the *species* that everyone thinks has a problem (I'm not whining, but it just grinds me!) Single men at your age are a dime a dozen; you are certainly not a rarity so quit beating yourself up as if you are.

    Quote Originally Posted by YellowApple
    I have a decent job, I'm not in prison, not a drug addict, and not dead.
    The funny thing is, even dead drug addicts in prison seem to have boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses. Seriously. There is someone for everyone out there... the problem is you have to like and accept who you are in order to find your Ms. Right, or even Ms. Right Now. If you try to hide what you think are your flaws... you will never be satisfied with who you find because they will never know the real you. Every last thing about you makes you unique, and you need to find the woman that complements those unique qualities. Be open to finding someone that doesn't match what you might have established as the *ideal* woman and I think you'll be much more successful.

    And, sheesh, you're not going to find someone if you're not out there doing things that you enjoy. As people tell me, the right person is not going to magically walk through your door. You have to actively go out and do things that you enjoy... seek out people....GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

    Hopefully you're not telling these new dates about how poorly your previous dates have gone.. or how much your dating life sucks, etc... that's the first thing that sends me running.

  7. #577
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Well, I had the quintessential guide to dating in Y2K all typed and ready for print...until my cat decided to jump on the keyboard and send it flushed into the depths of cyberland.

    YA, you have to realize that 29 is not old. Whoever told you that needs to lay off the model airplane glue. You're entering your 30's, not a retirement home. Embrace it. The 30's is the new 20's. It only gets better as you get older.

    Second, time to change tactics. *cue caveman voice* Young girls bad. Mature ladies good. You're gonna get mentally screwed by dating girls ten years younger. Why date a girl that's more concerned about the lone hair hanging out of your left nostril when you can date someone who can see past that?

    Sure a younger gal makes a great story the next day around the watercooler at work, but it sounds like you want something with substance. Besides, if you're worried about feeling old, what better way to feel young again than being with an older lady? As an added bonus, older ladies usually can teach you a thing or two *wink wink, know what I mean*

    You've got to get past thinking that you're destined to be single. Wrong attitude, bro. Think big! It starts with confidence. So a couple of dates go south. So what! Screw 'em.

    Having confidence overshadows insecurities. Don't be embarrassed to tell them your interests and hobbies. Who cares if you like Yanni and even have the bootlegged NYC concert. Make it seem like it's all the rage. *just giving an example- although the bootleg version is da bomb* The point is: be confdient about yourself.

    And lastly: if Rick Ocasek can score Paulina Poriskova, anyone can!
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  8. #578
    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broadway
    Awesome advice, from everyone!
    YA, I'm not going to add on to everything everyone else has already said except to say... take a look around this board and see how often people criticize a woman that's in her mid to late 30s, single, with no children. We're actualy the *species* that everyone thinks has a problem (I'm not whining, but it just grinds me!) Single men at your age are a dime a dozen; you are certainly not a rarity so quit beating yourself up as if you are.
    and I'd be one of those single thirtysomething, never-married, childless women who seriously takes offense when people make judgments about me just because of those things! My best friend actually hinted to me once that if I was a lesbian, that would be "okay too." As if that was the only possible explanation for my continued status as a singleton! AND as if I wouldn't tell my best friend if I were a lesbian! While single men in their late 20's are a dime a dozen, single men at my age (36) are not - at least ones without kids and lots of baggage.

    Yellow Apple, contrary to what you may have heard, not all women like older men! I'm 36 and I usually look at men 31 and up (and have dated even younger), but no older than 40. I don't know that much about your dating past, but have you tried online dating? At least with Match.com, you have some time to get to know someone in a controlled environment instead of just being thrown into a first date situation without much knowledge beforehand. I've had some good experiences with match.com (of course, I'm still single, so take this for what it's worth!). Yes, I've had some really bad first dates, but I haven't met any men that I didn't think were nice people - they just weren't for me.

    I'll add to the discussion about confidence with this: confidence is very appealing, I agree, but what I find really attractive is someone who is excited and engaged about life. I've been on some horrid dates and the common denominator with most of them was a plain lack of anything coming back across the table. The men that I wanted to see again were interested and interesting - they may not have been good matches for me in the long run but they were great dates and, if they'd just been closed off on the first date, there never would have been a second date. So - maybe take a step back and think about what you're bringing to the table when you go on a date and how that might be perceived by your date. Try just giving yourself an attitude adjustment and look at every date like an opportunity. You never know which one will be your last first date! I have a friend who keeps telling me that dating is all about "Volume! Volume! Volume!" but I tell her that it's only takes one.

    Also - I agree with everyone who says that you have to put yourself out there! I had a single friend who stayed home every night and whined about being single. She's a lawyer and only wants to date professional men. My response was this: "Well, Mr. Right isn't going to come knocking on your door and even if he does, he'll be carrying a pizza"
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

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  9. #579
    JR.
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    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    So, you're on the right track, but I'd take a different tack:

    (pointing at self) "Hey, I'm like a wild stallion--I can't be tied down."

    or:
    Or, you could ask them when they're getting divorced

  10. #580
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    *sigh* Well, I know I've tried this one before with different ladies but here goes again...YA, meet Broadway and Critical...Broadway & Critical, meet YA...

    (like Speedy says, mature ladies good. )
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
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