Relationship Challenged

[Yellow Apple]

And YA... you don't have to be thinking marriage now. In fact, do NOT think of marriage now. Just think of going out there and meeting women that you want to be friends with. Find women that like the same things that you do. And if you, as a 28 year old man, have more in common with an 18 year old girl... then more power to ya. But don't put too much pressure on yourself to find the *one* right off the bat.

See, I really think that's why I'm attracted to younger girls. They're like me because they too don't have much experience (well, some of them. Some already have more than I'll ever have). Of course, a lot of girls see "28 year old guy never been married" and think "defective". And maybe they're right. But that's something I need to find out for myself... which is why I am doing this dating service thing.

[nlmcp]

Wow, people in their twenties must be totally different now. I was not thinking along the lines of "not married by 28 equals defective" when I was 20 something, we were just beginning to get married at that point. (maybe I hung out with a slow crowd)

I think YA, you need to date around. How many dates have you had in the last year, two years? You may be very surprised by what is out there.

(geez do I feel old and at some point I'm going to be out there again. )

[Unklescott]

(geez do I feel old and at some point I'm going to be out there again. )

It's different Nancy. You really don't have to play mind games (no offense anyone) like the kids do. First of all you don't have the pressure of the "I need to get married and start a family" thing. By the time you reach our age most of us have "found" ourselves and know where we are going. Some of us are still lost puppies though. It can be kind of fun sometimes with a new rekindled romantic atmosphere - the walk in the park holding hands, etc. But yeah, it still sucks sometimes.

[libra1022]

Libs, is that why you don't answer your phone when I call? Geez, those weren't the first questions I asked you that night. If you recall, dear, the first question was "Your place or mine?" That's a good ice breaker, isn't it?

Nahhh Unk I've just been busy, I promise! Atleast you didn't bother with the pretense of buying me flowers and taking me out to dinner, you just flat out asked.

I'd have had a lot more respect for the guy if he'd have just said he was lookin for a little sumpin' sumpin' instead of trying to treat it like a "date".....atleast then I'd have known outright just to turn him down instead of attempting to go out with him first.

[ToothDoc]

Sorry for the long winded-ness....this subject just hits home because I had a dear friend (who happened to look like a Ken doll) that struggled with this for a long time that usually only liked Barbie's and everyone chastized him for being shallow and narrow minded...so he felt obligated to try and date someone that didn't fit his ideal and he searched and searched, dated several women that weren't his ideal, etc.. He found himself trying not to focus on their physical attributes on a conscious level (red flag don't you think-forcing something?), but it was very hard for him to ignore and sooner or later, the relationship would end because he just couldn't overcome it. Before you pass judgment, my friend is one the sweetest, most sincere and romantic guys you could ever meet....he just has his type that makes him happy. It doesn't change who he is inside.

I have a very good friend that I call Shallow Hal. He only wants the "perfect" woman. It's ironic b/c he's not a Ken doll. He's not a man that if you passed on the street you would do a double take. He has beautiful eyes and a sexy voice and is very, very sweet.

toothdoc

[Igotalife]

Soooo....is this "Ken" still around? I sure could use a good-looking shallow fella right about now.

Yes "Ken" still lives in So. Cal and he is still single....But he's NOT shallow. Far from it....I feel sorry for him because of the way he is chastized for his goals. Why should he settle?

And reading the other additional comments posted subsequent, (how do I always end up putting my foot in my mouth with my good intentions? )....Couldn't this be somewhat of a double standard on the underside....if you see someone that looks good on the outside, you automatically assume they must be shallow because they are looking for something specific?

Being beautiful on the outside doesn't = being beautiful on the inside.

Agreed, but the street runs both ways on this too. Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they have nothing to offer on the inside. And equally so, you can be scary on the outside and inside too.

Oh and for the record, in case anyone assumes something from my jab at Broadway-she knows I think she rocks! It's harmless banter.

[Igotalife]

Of course, a lot of girls see "28 year old guy never been married" and think "defective".

No honey, you are far from defective....you are being smart. With the divorce casualty rates as they are, you should give yourself plenty of time to grow up before you make a life long committment. In today's time, being 28 and never married is a sigh of relief for a lot more people than you think....

I wish you luck!

[JunkieGirl]

I try to avoid women with kids or an ex-husband as that's just "baggage" that I would rather not deal with. I can only handle so much at one time and I'm still taking baby steps.

But just think Mr. YA. Nice lady you meet has 10 yr old boy....who loves video games as much as you. Mom loves you for the lovable funny guy you are. The kid likes you cuz you play video games. Mom thinks you're awesome with kids, cuz you and her son have much in common.......But then she feels neglected because you wanna spend more time with the kid than her! It might just work!

[Glitternerfball]

YA - There is no way a 28 y/o non married is defective and don't fall into that kind of thinking! I'm speaking as a 27 y/o F that is no where near marraige, so of course if you're defective so am I and all my friends and probably most of New York City. People are getting married a lot later as people want to be settled in a career first.

I've found it very hard to meet anyone decent. I went to a 'lock and key' party which seemed like a fun idea but was awful! The person who ran it was rude, we were basically stuck in a room smaller than my studio, and the guys were just so bottom of the barrel. One told me to stop drinking water, get a couple vodkas in me and after I've 'softened the intellectual' come back and talk to him. My friends former stalker was also there, so we ended up jetting mighty early as he wouldn't leave her alone. And all i'm seaking is someone that can string a few polysyllabbic words together!

[Yellow Apple]

For whoever asked (can't remember now, sorry): I haven't really dated all that much. I was 19 when I went on my first date and could probably count the total number of dates I've been on on both hands with a finger or two to spare.

I actually did go on a date about 6 months ago, but it didn't work out. Before that, it had been about two years since my last date, so as you can see, my dates are few and far between. Maybe that's part of my problem: lack of experience with the opposite gender. I also went to a small high school and most everyone I went to school with got married relatively quickly (18, 19, 20 years old). I'm one of the last few remaining bachelors in the class of 1994 (there's one other guy that I know of, but he has a girlfriend so he's technically not single at the moment), and honestly, sometimes that bothers me a little.

But, sometimes it's nice to still be unattached as well. I can do what I want and go where I want and only have to worry about myself (as opposed to a girlfriend/wife and kid[s]). Still, I do feel like something is missing in my life, and that's the thing that's been the most difficult for me to change.