Relationship Challenged

[Igotalife]

Nah... it's not the physical description of yourself that's off limits, but putting a physical description of what you're looking FOR should be.

Don't tell the world that you want a woman that's "between 5'5 and 5'9, with long blonde hair and blue eyes"

*tsk tsk* Jealous much? Just kidding....

I have to disagree with ya just a little chickadee. It is an important "emotional" need for some people to be able to be physically attracted (or expect a certain physical trait) to/from their partner. I say emotional because emotional needs sustain love if they are present.

I'm 5'9" and sorry, but it makes me very uncomfortable to date someone shorter than I am. Let's be brutally honest too....someone has to be at least "somewhat" on par with your ideal otherwise you wouldn't even turn your head....for instance, you see a troll with a big hairy wart, hunch back and rotten crooked teeth and he's 2' shorter than you....would you only care about their personality before you decided to date them? Does that make you shallow? No, I don't think it should.

I realize that some people can and will look beyond the physical, and that's great, but it's also important to realize that for others, to expect/want someone they are physically attracted to (on the inside and out) is also perfectly fine. People don't have to have the same mind set....and there is no wrong or right in this scenario-it's what is important to an individual that they seek in a relationship.

Sorry for the long winded-ness....this subject just hits home because I had a dear friend (who happened to look like a Ken doll) that struggled with this for a long time that usually only liked Barbie's and everyone chastized him for being shallow and narrow minded...so he felt obligated to try and date someone that didn't fit his ideal and he searched and searched, dated several women that weren't his ideal, etc.. He found himself trying not to focus on their physical attributes on a conscious level (red flag don't you think-forcing something?), but it was very hard for him to ignore and sooner or later, the relationship would end because he just couldn't overcome it. Before you pass judgment, my friend is one the sweetest, most sincere and romantic guys you could ever meet....he just has his type that makes him happy. It doesn't change who he is inside.

[Broadway]

I have to disagree with ya just a little chickadee. It is an important "emotional" need for some people to be able to be physically attracted (or expect a certain physical trait) to/from their partner. I say emotional because emotional needs sustain love if they are present.

I'm 5'9" and sorry, but it makes me very uncomfortable to date someone shorter than I am. Let's be brutally honest too....someone has to be at least "somewhat" on par with your ideal otherwise you wouldn't even turn your head....for instance, you see a troll with a big hairy wart, hunch back and rotten crooked teeth and he's 2' shorter than you....would you only care about their personality before you decided to date them? Does that make you shallow? No, I don't think it should.

Oh...no no no, I don't think your friend is shallow at all. I don't expect anyone to not want to be physically attracted to the person they date, I just think that sometimes physical attraction is an immediate reaction, and sometimes it's something that develops after you get to know a person, that's all.

And yes, this 5'0 brunette (with highlights) is jealous of you.

[waywyrd]

I don't expect anyone to not want to be physically attracted to the person they date, I just think that sometimes physical attraction is an immediate reaction, and sometimes it's something that develops after you get to know a person, that's all.

I very much agree! I went on a blind date with a guy a year ago...when he came to pick me up my first impression was that he wasn't very attractive, not my "type" at all. He wouldn't have turned my head if I passed him on the street.

But as I sat across from him at dinner, I realized we had amazing chemistry...and the things I hadn't found attractive at first didn't matter to me anymore. He was a great guy, and I wouldn't have known that if I went on looks alone. Unfortunately he was military and was transferred away..

[Igotalife]

Oh...no no no, I don't think your friend is shallow at all. I don't expect anyone to not want to be physically attracted to the person they date, I just think that sometimes physical attraction is an immediate reaction, and sometimes it's something that develops after you get to know a person, that's all.

And yes, this 5'0 brunette (with highlights) is jealous of you.

Eh honey....you're smoking and you know it.. ..

Someone that grows on you huh? I can see that....but then, sometimes they don't grow on you either. I can definitely say that at this point in my life, it might be the looks that will initially attract me (and I don't go for the same "type" I used to either-it adjusts with age ), but their personality has to keep me.

[libra1022]

For me, I hate getting pinned down to say specifics about what I look for. Of course I want the usual: laughter, love, good lasagna. However, I get a little freaked out when such personal questions are asked on the first date. I don't want to say what I'm looking for on the first date because I don't want her to be self-conscious or try to act like the perfect person. Chances are, if we're going on a second date, then she already has 90% of what I'm looking for.

I'll gladly take those type questions on a first date, will trade for my last first date when the questions of "what gets you hot and horny" and "what type of birth control do you use" were the questions of the night from the guy. Needless to say there has been no second date nor answering of the phone after that!

[Broadway]

I'll gladly take those type questions on a first date, will trade for my last first date when the questions of "what gets you hot and horny" and "what type of birth control do you use" were the questions of the night from the guy. Needless to say there has been no second date nor answering of the phone after that!

he asked WHAT?????????

[Amy Lee]

I'll gladly take those type questions on a first date, will trade for my last first date when the questions of "what gets you hot and horny" and "what type of birth control do you use" were the questions of the night from the guy. Needless to say there has been no second date nor answering of the phone after that!

You should've accidentally dropped a drink on him.

[J.D.]

Sorry for the long winded-ness....this subject just hits home because I had a dear friend (who happened to look like a Ken doll) that struggled with this for a long time that usually only liked Barbie's and everyone chastized him for being shallow and narrow minded...so he felt obligated to try and date someone that didn't fit his ideal and he searched and searched, dated several women that weren't his ideal, etc.. He found himself trying not to focus on their physical attributes on a conscious level (red flag don't you think-forcing something?), but it was very hard for him to ignore and sooner or later, the relationship would end because he just couldn't overcome it. Before you pass judgment, my friend is one the sweetest, most sincere and romantic guys you could ever meet....he just has his type that makes him happy. It doesn't change who he is inside.

Soooo....is this "Ken" still around? I sure could use a good-looking shallow fella right about now. I don't want to get married either, but I sure wouldn't mind being a Barbie for a while. Especially if he's sweet, sincere and romantic. Sounds like a win-win. Send him my e-mail address - I definitely could use a Ken. For a little while, anyway. Oh yeah, does he like Mac&Cheese? That's my specialty.

[Amy Lee]

Oh...no no no, I don't think your friend is shallow at all. I don't expect anyone to not want to be physically attracted to the person they date, I just think that sometimes physical attraction is an immediate reaction, and sometimes it's something that develops after you get to know a person, that's all.

And yes, this 5'0 brunette (with highlights) is jealous of you.

Be jealous not. I always sorta wanted to be short. (5'4)
I agree with wht you said about the physical and what not. What you see ins't always what you get. Being beautiful on the outside doesn't = being beautiful on the inside.

[Unklescott]

I'll gladly take those type questions on a first date, will trade for my last first date when the questions of "what gets you hot and horny" and "what type of birth control do you use" were the questions of the night from the guy. Needless to say there has been no second date nor answering of the phone after that!

Libs, is that why you don't answer your phone when I call? Geez, those weren't the first questions I asked you that night. If you recall, dear, the first question was "Your place or mine?" That's a good ice breaker, isn't it?