Relationship Challenged

[PGM35]

Anyone know of a good forum or website that focuses on relationship issues?

Found this but have no idea how good it is. Relationship Forums - Advice, Problems, Help


anything we can help out with?

[sweet_lady]

I guess this question would go here. I'm recently (finalized in March) divorced mother of 2 and I'm looking to start dating again. Want to know where is the best place to meet people? I don't want to do the online thing because I don't want to pay the money and plus I think there are some really shady people on there. I don't want to ask friends because the people they know I would have no interest in. Obviously a bar or club is out of the question for meeting someone. I swear I feel like I have to walk around town wearing a t-shirt that says I'm single and looking.

[Ellen]

One of the places to meet someone with whom you'd share interests is in an environment with your interests: volunteer work with a cause you have a passion for, or in an adult enrichment class in an area of interest (such as ballroom dance, wine tasting, cooking, art, photography, foreign language, creative writing, literature, etc.). Chances are, there are other singles looking for someone with similar interests as well.

[PWS]

I do hear that some Parents without Partners chapters are a hotbed of dating! And our local Unitarian Church has a monthly singles night that is quite popular with the newly single...you don't even have to be a Unitarian...but I"m sure other religious groups offer similar events.
Also, if you are looking to start a new activity you might purposefully look for one that juggles the sex ratio in your favor. Something you want to do of course, not something that bores you, but if you are looking for men to date you won't find very many, relatively, in the local knitting club. Not to say that the people in the knitting club might not have single friends, but then you'd be stuck with the people they pick rather than your own choice again. Do something radical like take beginning fishing lessons and join the local anglers club.
Don't totally rule out the online approach....my son met his fiancee that way...they are getting married in about a month! You can ask a younger friend to show you how to safeguard yourself and how to pick up on the cue words for the kinds of guys that interest you.
Good luck!!!

[Gutmutter]

I'm going to take a slightly different angle here... are you sure this is the best time to start dating? How old are your kids? They are going through a lot of upheaval with the divorce. A new (or several new as you weed out the duds) man in your life would be stressful for them on top of everything else. Why not take some time to get on your feet and center your life first? You can put it out to the universe - sit down and make a detailed list of what you want in a man. Then put the list in the back of a book or drawer and let circumstances find and bring that man to you. Understand that you have baggage with kids and every guy you think is hot may not want that responsiblity. They have to come first.

[MRD]

I would not rule out online dating (but I would NOT use Craig's LIst. I hear that it's just a bunch of married men looking for one thing only), I have 3 different couple friends that met online. While it may be expensive, eHarmony offers specials and they do a lot of checking to make sure the matches are good. Anyway, all 3 used a different online approach, but all 3 are married now. The latest couple used eHarmony and can't say enough good things about it.
But the clubs approach is another good way as is volunteering. You just need to get to places where you can meet quality singles.

Whether you use online dating or another approach, just be smart about meeting the dates. Let a friend know where you are going, when you plan to return home, who you are going with, etc.

[sweet_lady]

Thanks guys, all great ideas. I will definitely try joining a new activity. I actually had been thinking about doing something like that, just for something to do during the summer. But I guess it could be a place to meet someone new.

Gutmutter, my kids are very young (4 and 2) and have no idea what went on with the divorce. My ex has pretty much been out of their lives since he left for a deployment in Feb 09 (6 month deployment and when he got back I filed for divorce (he cheated while deployed)). And I have no intention of letting any of the men I initially start dating meet my kids. Unless we've been together for a while and I know it could really lead somewhere serious, then and only would I let them meet my kids. I'm not like some of the other woman out there who just expose their kids to all the different men they start dating and it turns out to be over within a couple of weeks or month. That isn't healthy for the children to see men coming in and out of their mother's life like that. I'm looking for a long stable healthy relationship before I introduce them to my kids.

[Gutmutter]

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck!

[queenb]

(but I would NOT use Craig's LIst. I hear that it's just a bunch of married men looking for one thing only), .

And unmarried ones as well. But let me add that the 'one thing' all too often isn't even the obvious, which is incidental to the real objective--money, a place to stay, or other handouts. You have to watch for that anywhere, anytime, these days anyway, even on carefully vetted websites, and even with regular dating, not just online.
Of course I'm so weird (and I would say old fashioned, but i think really, old fashioned would be more like, gotta get a new husband or serious partner, NOW) that I always recommend that even if you have been separated a while, you should take a year before actively "looking" for a mate. (Especially if there are very young children involved, even if they would not be meeting the potential boyfriend right off the bat) That is, make yourself some 'me time', develop interests beyond looking for a partner, get happy with YOU, and see yourself as a whole person, not necessarily part of a realationship actively hunting its other half. Many times, the best relationships happen when one isn't actively trying so hard to appeal to the opposite sex anyway!

[just1paul]

And unmarried ones as well. But let me add that the 'one thing' all too often isn't even the obvious, which is incidental to the real objective--money, a place to stay, or other handouts. You have to watch for that anywhere, anytime, these days anyway, even on carefully vetted websites, and even with regular dating, not just online.
Of course I'm so weird (and I would say old fashioned, but i think really, old fashioned would be more like, gotta get a new husband or serious partner, NOW) that I always recommend that even if you have been separated a while, you should take a year before actively "looking" for a mate. (Especially if there are very young children involved, even if they would not be meeting the potential boyfriend right off the bat) That is, make yourself some 'me time', develop interests beyond looking for a partner, get happy with YOU, and see yourself as a whole person, not necessarily part of a realationship actively hunting its other half. Many times, the best relationships happen when one isn't actively trying so hard to appeal to the opposite sex anyway!

All I can do is add hear hear! I totally agree. Some people are so wrapped into this I am HALF of a relationship, they don't realize that they need to be WHOLE to be HALF.