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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #2771
    addicted MamaC's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    ITA. Also, you are in another relationship right now that appears to be much healthier. The only tough part with the present relationship is that it is a long-distance one, right?

  2. #2772
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    He is not in love with you, he is in love of the idea of you; more accurately, he is in love with the idealized version of you that he's dreamed up in the last eight years. Don't go there.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  3. #2773
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Please misskitty, don't go there. I would agree with Gustavs papa. I knew someone who was in your same situation years ago and decided to pursue friendship and it got really really UGLY...

  4. #2774
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    misskitty, I was you about 10 years ago and all I can say is that it is very difficult being friends with an Ex like that...and it will be especially difficult for you to be "just friends" with a man who says he loves you. I don't think this will be a healthy relationship for you to pursue, even as friends. As others have said, you broke up for a reason.

  5. #2775
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Thank you all for your feedback. I have not heard a reply back from him. I realize that some people cannot become friends after a bad breakup. And I don't know if he could or wants to be friends.

    I didn't mention to him that I was currently in a relationship. I was leaving that to when I saw him face to face. Which may never happen.

    Yes, my current sweetie lives in another city. And although we get along swimmingly, part of it, I'm sure, is because we only see each other every month or so. If we lived together, we may not get along so well. He has wanted me to move to his city, but I don't want to live there. My folks are getting older and I need to be here for them and my sisters.

    I have recently given thought to the fact that our relationship, although happy, isn't headed anywhere. And I really would like a sweetie who not only lives in the same city, who has the same values and interests, but someone who can actually help me with things when I need a man around.

    Just today, I was scaling an extended ladder, tied around a tree, sawing off dead branches, thinking that I should not be doing this alone. And it sure would be nice to have some help, even if it was just to hold the ladder. Thankfully, my Dad came by, gave me heck, and held the ladder while I managed to finish off bringing down some deadwood. I don't want to still rely on my Dad to be helping me although I appreciate it tremendously!

    I have a boyfriend who is unavailable when I need him. And I spend most of my time alone even though I have a boyfriend.

    I'm realizing that I'm not as happy as I thought.
    Last edited by misskitty; 07-03-2008 at 07:26 PM.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  6. #2776
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    If that's the case, misskitty, and you decide you would like to date other men, fine. But the guy from eight years ago? Me third on the hell no. Think about it--what about this sounds like a good idea? You are both different people than you were way back when, so why not just start from scratch. The part about still 'being in love' after all this time would have me running in the other direction like a bat out of hell. I don't think trying to be friends is a good idea, and heck, while I'm on a roll, let me be blunt--sending an email 'to his cats' is actually sending an email to him. Stop it. The cats won't care.
    As for relying on your Dad for help, avoiding that is a horrible reason for looking for a new fellow also, in my opinion. your Dad does love you and is willing to help, accept it. Sure, if you happen to develop a new relationship and the new man is interested in helping you do yard work, great, but I wouldn't count on it. I'd love it if L had time to come over here and help me a lot, but he's got his own place to tend to. (Moving a guy in because you need the help is an even worse idea!) I appreciate it when I can get help, but don't expect it.
    Still, I can understand the long distance relationship getting old, especially if it's become obvious that it's going nowhere. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  7. #2777
    Over and Out! Bunny555's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    I agree with all the advice everyone has posted! Add to that it's been 8 years since you were in a relathionship with this man and that's plenty of time to forget what drove you apart in the first place and to romanticize the words he's saying to you now. You also said there were drugs involved at the time.......do you know how involved he is now? Don't let the way that you're feeling now drive you back into something that was unhealthy for you then and most likely hasn't changed.
    CYA

  8. #2778
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    MissKitty, if he hasn't seen you in 8 years, he's not in love with you -- he doesn't even know you. If anything, he's in love with some idealized, romanticized memory of your relationship. Don't go backwards.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  9. #2779
    now I'm smilingmomof4!!!! smilingmomof3's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Miss Kitty - ITA with the other posters. Someone who hurt you like that in the past (abandonment) and had those issues (drugs) is probably not a good bet today. Love is part luck, part fate and a great deal of logic and intuition. When your mind tells you there is a problem, listen to it. If your intuition feels something is amiss, by all means take note. You have all the answers inside yourself - sounds like you are just tired of being alone. But, without a doubt, being alone is better than being with the wrong person. Loneliness can actually make you a deeper person and help you develop other aspects of yourself. (We have all been there!) Also, you have to be alone to be "free" to meet somebody wonderful. I am always amazed at the many unusual ways two perfectly matched people meet - often when they both least expect it - have faith and take heart. Blessings to you!
    ***"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages" - Nietzsche *** "A woman who strives to be equal to a man is lacking in ambition"***

  10. #2780
    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Coming from an "alone" point of view, I agree with everyone else MissKitty. It is better to be alone that to settle for something that was proven to not work. Don't do it...run fast in the other direction.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!

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