How do you know when to say something to a friend who you think is making a huge mistake??
A really good friend of mine has been involved with a married man for several years. It’s been a messy, heart-breaking relationship (of course) with promises being made and broken several times. He’s said some nasty things to her and claims it’s all her fault for trying to break up his family (he has 2 young children) but he always makes contact with her and brings her back into the mess. She’s sworn him off more times than I can count but always goes back. He’s crazily jealous of the guy friends she has so she has to hide a good portion of her life from him to prevent a blow-up. She’s tried to have relationships with other guys knowing that she can’t wait for the married man, but they never work out and she goes back to him. I’ve been a friend through all of this…listening and comforting when he calls things off and biting my tongue when he calls her back. But her latest “plan” has me seriously worried for her. She wants a baby and wants the married man to be the father. She’s only 31 but is sick of waiting for the “right” guy to come into her life and is ready to have a baby on her own. I’m supportive of that decision, but she is determined that the married guy should be the dad. They’ve talked about it and he agrees it’s a good idea! I’ve asked her about custody issues, worried that if and when things go south again, he might fight for custody of their child. She says that he’ll just be the donor and will not be a “father figure”. The baby will have her last name and she won’t list him as the father on the birth certificate. I’ve told her that none of that matters and he’ll still have rights to the child, but she’s determined it will all work out. I think this is an attempt to tie them together for life but she of course doesn’t realize it. I was hoping this was just another crazy idea or plan but I’m afraid she’s serious…she’s already started asking at work about maternity leave and told me she plans to get pregnant in August. I’ve asked all the “concerned friend” questions I can….how can I tell her that I think she’s making the biggest mistake of her life??