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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #2751
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyPSU;2820968;
    Don't get me wrong, having one special person in your life can be nice, but I'm having such a blast being single and meeting the wrong ones that I'm not worried about having the right one at this point in time.

    Eventually I do want to get married and have kids, but for now, it's me time.
    You are absolutely right-- don't let anyone pressure you. I never wanted kids, no matter how much I was told I'd reagret it later. I'm 47 now, and still waiting on all this regret to kick in. I've also never 'lived-in' with a man or been married either, and I'm not sad about that weither. I've been in a relationship with the same man for 15 years come May, but if he were to suddenly start wanting to discuss marriage, i'd have to think about it a really long time. I'm actually very content with things as they are, and don't see any urgent need to change anyime soon.
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  2. #2752
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by queenb;2824282;
    You are absolutely right-- don't let anyone pressure you. I never wanted kids, no matter how much I was told I'd reagret it later. I'm 47 now, and still waiting on all this regret to kick in. I've also never 'lived-in' with a man or been married either, and I'm not sad about that weither. I've been in a relationship with the same man for 15 years come May, but if he were to suddenly start wanting to discuss marriage, i'd have to think about it a really long time. I'm actually very content with things as they are, and don't see any urgent need to change anyime soon.
    Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to stick to what you want. I used to not want kids at all. When Mr Coz and I were married we said 'no kids' and stuck to that for about 2 years. Then Mr Coz watched the movie Dennis the Menace and decided that he did want kids. I caught the bug for some unknown reason. I now have a wonderful daughter whom I love dearly, but I am not a very nurturing soul. I feel bad for her sometimes because I don't think I am the best mother. She luckily has her father who is extremely nurturing. I even enjoy kids, a little bit at a time, and really I only like them one at a time too. As my daughter is nearly a teen I get questioned less about whether we are going to have more. Why people think we should all be the same, and want the same things is beyond me.

    Now, to actually pertain to this thread: I think it can't be stated enough that you must love yourself and who you are before you will ever be the right one for someone else. Not that that means you think you are perfect, just that you accept who you are, including the failings. That you aren't trying to find someone to complete you. One of the qualities that Mr Coz loved about me from the beginning is that I am independant. We just had a discussion about this the other day. We don't "need" each other, but we love to be with each other.

    Our other advice after our whopping 15 years (insert tongue in cheek smiley here) is that finding someone with a good sense of humor and having a good sense of humor will carry you through many things. Having the ability to not take everything so seriously goes a long way in creating a nice habitat to live in.

  3. #2753
    MRD
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by justCoz;2827327;
    Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to stick to what you want. I used to not want kids at all. When Mr Coz and I were married we said 'no kids' and stuck to that for about 2 years. Then Mr Coz watched the movie Dennis the Menace and decided that he did want kids. I caught the bug for some unknown reason. I now have a wonderful daughter whom I love dearly, but I am not a very nurturing soul. I feel bad for her sometimes because I don't think I am the best mother. She luckily has her father who is extremely nurturing. I even enjoy kids, a little bit at a time, and really I only like them one at a time too. As my daughter is nearly a teen I get questioned less about whether we are going to have more. Why people think we should all be the same, and want the same things is beyond me.

    Now, to actually pertain to this thread: I think it can't be stated enough that you must love yourself and who you are before you will ever be the right one for someone else. Not that that means you think you are perfect, just that you accept who you are, including the failings. That you aren't trying to find someone to complete you. One of the qualities that Mr Coz loved about me from the beginning is that I am independant. We just had a discussion about this the other day. We don't "need" each other, but we love to be with each other.

    Our other advice after our whopping 15 years (insert tongue in cheek smiley here) is that finding someone with a good sense of humor and having a good sense of humor will carry you through many things. Having the ability to not take everything so seriously goes a long way in creating a nice habitat to live in.
    I completely agree with everything you said.
    We have friends that have to be up each other's butt constantly and I can't stand that. If I go out with her, she is on the phone with him several times. He is checking up on her, she is checking up on him. When I go out, Mr. Rosie and I don't bother calling unless its an absolute emergency. When I'm with my friends or he with his, we don't find it necessary to call and check up constantly.
    So I agree with the "needing" part especially. I do need him in my life, but I don't need him in it 24/7. I can go a few hours without talking to him and vice versa.

    And a great sense of humor is essential. Being able to laugh has averted many arguments in this house.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #2754
    YOUUUUUUUUUKKK! GingerLVNV's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by justCoz;2827327;
    but I am not a very nurturing soul. I feel bad for her sometimes because I don't think I am the best mother. She luckily has her father who is extremely nurturing. I even enjoy kids, a little bit at a time, and really I only like them one at a time too.

    This statement was very moving to me, I am exactly the same way and I always think something is terribly wrong with me. I'm not a coddling type of mommy and I expect my child to rely on himself quite often, while his father is much more huggy and compassionate...I am glad that we balance each other out, but it definitely keeps me from wanting more children.

    **sorry for taking that thread off track***
    They serenaded the newest champs in this city of champs, and taunted Kobe Bryant and his Lakers, who drowned in a green-and-white wave for 48 minutes.

  5. #2755
    MRD
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by GingerLVNV;2827854;
    This statement was very moving to me, I am exactly the same way and I always think something is terribly wrong with me. I'm not a coddling type of mommy and I expect my child to rely on himself quite often, while his father is much more huggy and compassionate...I am glad that we balance each other out, but it definitely keeps me from wanting more children.

    **sorry for taking that thread off track***
    You know, everone is different. My mother was not so nurturing, but she had other qualities and I think those qualites she passed to me were very important. Such as being independent, not having to rely on a man, being a strong woman, don't put up with BS from anyone, etc.
    My dad was much more nurturing and so was my grandmother that lived with us.

    I think I am somewhere in the middle of that. My daughter has always been independent, so she wouldn't let me nurture as much as I wanted and I'm glad she is so independent.
    I am reminded of her starting kindergarten and she was so excited about going and learning to read and I just didn't feel all weepy about my baby going off to school. I was excited because she was SO excited. But there was a boy in her class and his mother and this mother got on her knees everyday for a week and wrapped herself around this kid and BAWLED. After a week, the teacher told her she just couldn't do that anymore as it took her too long to calm the kid down afterwards. I ended up getting to know this mom and the kid fairly well because we were both room mothers. The difference in the independence level and emotional level between my child and the boy were huge. He could NOT do anything on his own as his mom coddled him SO much. The teacher got to where she hated for this mom to come in for parties and to help in the class as it really disrupted this boy a lot.

    So I think having a balance is good.


    Well I have great news to report. Since I met my new friend and have started hanging out with her, we have hit it off like we have known each other for YEARS! And she has a daughter, my daughter's age and they have hit it off fabulously too. The difference in my daughter after being around the other girl has been wonderful. I know my daughter was really missing having friends. We had the mom and both her teenage daughters over for dinner last night (The mom is getting a divorce and moving and has been working packing stuff up and I invited them to come eat so they didn't have to cook). It was so much fun. It was like it used to be in Florida when my house was full of my daughter's friends.
    So I think its really going to work out for both of us now. I guess I just had to wait until the time was right to meet someone I had so much in common with and the added bonus is that my daughter has a new friend too.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  6. #2756
    FORT Fogey canadian_angel's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    I'm so glad you and your daughter have met a new mother-daughter pair, mrd. I hope it continues to go so extremely well!!!

    I like what everyone's been saying about finding balance. It's incredibly important. I find for myself, that I don't need a man in my life. I don't need someone to be around me all the time. But I will admit there are moments when I think to myself.. how nice would it be to curl up with someone and watch a movie. Especially when it was -30C (with the windchill!! ). I'd rather be on my own right now overall though because I'm just not willing to give of myself/ my time when there's so much else going on. I'm happy being single. While at times I feel like the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel (being the only single friend), it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would have.

  7. #2757
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    mrd, but did Bogie do his little parlor tricks for your guests? (You know...the one with his little butt! ) I dropped my husband off at the airport. He'll be gone for a few days. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to doing whatever I want to... but on the other hand, I miss him, too.

  8. #2758
    Mullet/Summer Enthusiast AshleyPSU's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by canadian_angel;2829489;
    I like what everyone's been saying about finding balance. It's incredibly important. I find for myself, that I don't need a man in my life. I don't need someone to be around me all the time. But I will admit there are moments when I think to myself.. how nice would it be to curl up with someone and watch a movie. Especially when it was -30C (with the windchill!! ). I'd rather be on my own right now overall though because I'm just not willing to give of myself/ my time when there's so much else going on. I'm happy being single. While at times I feel like the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel (being the only single friend), it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would have.

    That's when I cuddle up with the pefect boyfriend... my electric blanket.
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  9. #2759
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    myrosiedog- Sounds like you met what could become a good friendship. keep us posted!
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #2760
    MRD
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    Re: Relationship Challenged

    Quote Originally Posted by gabriel;2833869;
    myrosiedog- Sounds like you met what could become a good friendship. keep us posted!
    THanks Gabriel. I think it will be a good friendship and it looks like the daughters will be friends too.

    It's so nice to finally meet someone that I feel I can be myself with. I've met some very nice people here and people I like, but none that I felt that I could be 100% myself with until now.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

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