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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #221
    So Far Away Yellow Apple's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AJane
    Geez. I've already tried to set up Y.A. and Erin, and they're the two biggest whiners in this thread. Pay attention when someone tries to help.

    J/k, of course, guys...but just so you know, I have an astonishing success rate in pairing people up. I am responsible for at least two marriages among my friends, and they are both past the 10-year mark and still going strong.
    Well I always say, if it weren't for my (lack of) luck in relationships, I wouldn't have anything to complain about, and everyone has to complain about SOMETHING. Perpetually happy people annoy me.
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  2. #222
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
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    Hi. My name is Ineedalife and I am Relationship Challenged.

    Here's the dealie....I feel like I am a serial monogamous/commitment loving/opposite sex is fun kind of person....nothing wrong with that right? Unfortunately, I have had bad luck finding someone that really makes me happy.

    Through HS, I had a steady boyfriend. Then, in college, dated a guy for two years and we got married when I was 20. We divorced 10 years later and I started dating again and after 6 months, met my 2nd husband. Here I am almost 6 years later and we are now divorced (long story-big mistake)....point is, I haven't given myself the chance to really date a whole lot...I find someone I like and stick with them until the bottom drops out somehow . Anyhoooo, thanks to some of my friends, it's hard not feeling like I have JLO disease or something because I want to date again. But here's the kicker....I'm not interested in marriage again, just dating. I've actually been having fun again.

    Some of my friends have been giving me a big :rolleyes and I can't say I blame them given my past attachments, but I think I know where my head is at finally. Seriously, this last ordeal I went through was ENOUGH and I've been to counseling etc to get over it all and I feel really good about myself again. I know my friends mean well, but it's really starting to get to me like I should hide what I am doing in order to avoid the lectures. I don't want to feel like an old maid or something.

    So here's my question....Is it wrong for me not to "take a long break" from dating?

    Thanks for listening.
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  3. #223
    Resident Single Gal erin_dye's Avatar
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    No, it's not wrong at all. These days, there are plenty of men and women who have no interest in ever getting married and just want to enjoy being single and dating.

    If your friends give you a hard time, tell them that you want to experience what its like to date without having expectations of any serious commitment. If they cannot understand your situation, then they obviously don't know much about who you really are.

  4. #224
    daydream believer oneTVslave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ineedalife
    So here's my question....Is it wrong for me not to "take a long break" from dating?
    I'm not sure I understand the question. Are your friends giving you a hard time because you want only want to date, without pursuing marriage? Or because you don't want to date at all? Or because they think you want to get married again, hence the J-Lo reference? Either way, there is nothing wrong with you doing whatever feels right to you at this time. There is no law that says you have to be in a relationship to be happy, and there is nothing wrong with you if you'd rather take time to focus on your own growth as an individual than as part of a couple.
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
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  5. #225
    MIA, RIP, or Busy...
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    OTS-my friends think history will repeat itself and worry that I will marry the first thing that I like... They think I should not date at all for a while and at first, I thought that they were probably right, but I'm a fun-loving person and I hated to feel like a shriveled prune.
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  6. #226
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ineedalife
    So here's my question....Is it wrong for me not to "take a long break" from dating?

    Thanks for listening.
    Actually, ineedaboytoy, I think you're in the place now that you should have been in 16 years ago.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating, even so soon after a divorce. The fact is you probably had a lack of that friendly, flirting type of relationship IN your marriage that is vital... and that's what you're finding now in dating again. So truthfully, you're not *dating* again soon after the divorce... it's actually been quite some time since you've had that type of relationship.

    Does that in any way make sense????? Yikes.

    But, if I'm interpreting your post right, it also sounds like you've gotten to the point where you're not taking a date with one person and keeping that a monogomous situation any longer, right? You're dating several people? If so, that's going to be the best thing for you. You know what doesn't work for you, now go find what does. Just be picky and don't settle!

    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

  7. #227
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Ineeda, it sounds to me like your friends are afraid you'll SAY you're just dating, and next thing they know you're married again. I think they may just be afraid you'll make a mistake. But you should do whatever you want to -- only you know where your head is. I don't think you're required to live like a nun for a pre-determined amount of time to prove that you're ok. It sounds like you never really got to have fun dating, so I think you should go for it. If they don't understand, well, tough noogies. They're not living your life, you are.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  8. #228
    FORT Fogey Jahim's Avatar
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    Being single rocks! granted this comes from the 19 y/o gay guy, but stilll... I really think it'll be tough to be single for you, but in the end, by doing so will be really good for you... I know lots of people, and even in alot of our reality shows, when you are in steady relationships for most of your life then you finally let go, and be "free" so to speak, it really stands out and I think makes the people much more interesting as a whole...
    Big Brother 16: The Alliance - Come See the Fun in the Big Brother Forum!

  9. #229
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    You guys all rock! Where were you when I was breaking up with my boyfriend? hmmmph!
    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

  10. #230
    daydream believer oneTVslave's Avatar
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    Well I hope that two divorces (which can't be all that much fun now, can it?) would prevent you from rushing into things a third time *crosses fingers*. I'd say, go for it, go on some dates - but be cautious about becoming too involved with one person immediately (spending all of your free time with them, etc). I think if you reserve some time for yourself to also get into some non-dating activities, it will help you to feel okay about being a single gal for while and let the dating thing just be fun and casual.

    I always feel sorry for people who allow their romantic relationships to consume every moment of their lives, because if those relationships do happen to fail, the person is left with nothing that defines them as an individual and often scrambles to dive into another serious relationship right away, which may often be a mistake.

    Just my two cents.
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
    - Albert Einstein

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