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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #201
    FORT Regular Madison1995's Avatar
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    I've thought about that before but I have no idea what I would say...?? I was hoping that when they got married all his playing days were over but evidently they are not.. I guess my biggest question is 'is it really my business?'

  2. #202
    Caged Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion Maveno's Avatar
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    Yes..because you're 'friends' with both of them. Maybe you should say something along the lines of....it's wrong to put you in such an uncomfy position, wrong to even DO it in the first place...you've lost respect for him...etc..
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  3. #203
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by erin_dye
    My newest relationship problem.

    I have been seeing a married guy. (I know, I know, Shame on me.) We have been seeing each other for a few weeks now. His wife just filed for divorce beginning of last week. I have not heard from him since Thursday and we usually see each other a 2-3 times a week. I can't call him because he and his wife are still living in the same house. Should I just assume the worst or am I just being impatient?
    Wow Erin.

    First off, I admire your candidness. But I have to say, you are better than waiting around from him. Maybe it's a sign, like famita mentions above.

    JD was right about cheaters being beaters. Listen to your and do what you feel is right.

    Best of luck.

  4. #204
    Premium Member Yeti Long Shot: Porpoheus Champion
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    Unless you're a mormon, then you just marry everyone. (I am one, so don't jump all over me about it...me and my sister-wives will come and getcha!)

    Polygamy rules.

  5. #205
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madison1995
    Oh, and I should add for anyone out there doubting that Sara is telling me the truth that right after she told me about the first time he called her (I was so shocked and started looking at him differently) even though I trusted her I just couldn't see this guy cheating on mary .. but sure enough, only a couple of days later the guy came up to me asking me about sara and if she was still seeing her boyfriend and stuff.. stuff he shouldn't have cared about at all.. and then she told me that he even asked her once if she told me he called her (he asked her not too but she did anyway) because I was treating him and looking at him differently .. I tried to hide what I knew but I couldn't help looking at him differently.. anyway, the day before yesterday he asked me again about her and I told him (and loved saying it) that she is getting married next yr and that is why he emailed her yesterday saying it is a big mistake and he would still like to see her sometime..
    Madison,

    You're in a tough spot. One question that I cannot remember if you answered: is Sara friends with Mary?

    The thing I would do first is to talk with him. Tell him that you know that he's been pursuing Sara and that it's inappropriate. Let him know that he's put you in an uncomfortable position because you are friends with both Sara and his wife and that you will not allow yourself to watch his wife get hurt. Depending upon what he does after that point, the only thing that I think you could do is forward one of his emails to Sara.. to Mary.

    You do need to keep in mind that he hasn't done anything other than express a desire to see another person. Yes, his interest sounds a little more than just a desire for friendship, but he hasn't yet crossed the line that you know of.

    Good luck!
    Never let the things you want make you forget about the things you have.

  6. #206
    Former Exile :o) ToothDoc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madison1995
    Okay, I'm happily married (one year anniversary is November 29th!) but I have a different kind of problem.. my question is 'To what extent do you share things you may know with people if it may affect their relationship?' I have a friend who works here at the company I work for. Let's call her Mary. We are not super close but close enough to call her a friend. She used to be in my dept but moved to another one but we still email and talk once in a while. We have also gone out a couple of times and I got blitzed with her the night of her wedding shower. We both have a mutual friend, who I'll call Sara who also used to work here. She is my best friend and someone I once lived with and someone I really trust.. but to Mary she is more like an acquaintance who hung out with her a couple of times because she was along with me but they talked to each other on their own sometimes too.. here is the kicker of the story.. Mary is now married to a guy that works here and is in my dept. My best friend and I have gone out with him and Mary to celebrate his bday and on a couple of other occasions. They were dating for the past 4 yrs and Mary thinks he hung the moon. They are the beautiful golden couple here and everyone was just waiting around until they finally got married and they just did this year.. thing is Sara like I said is my best friend and tells me everything and she told me that when she first met mary's fiance she was instantly attracted to him and they clicked and flirted with each other and then out of the blue he told her that he was dating Mary..sara hadn't yet met mary but just the fact that he was not single was enough to get her to back off and then after we all became friends she never would have did anything with him but the thing is he kept trying.. he emailed her, called her (from work!) told her that he felt the connection they had too and he wanted to see her sometime but without me or Mary or anyone else along.. he was divorced so he would tell her that he is scared to get married again with Mary..Sara told him that there is no way she could do that to Mary and she didn't want to be someone's 'other woman' .. even now, Sara just moved back from out of state and he is still emailing her..he emailed her yesterday saying the same things 'I want to see you sometime' and Sara is getting married next year and invited him and mary to the wedding and he said to her that he couldn't come for obvious reasons that even she may not realize.. the guy is a dawg, I know that now .. and it really bothers me that I didn't tell Mary about it but I wasn't sure if it was my business, it would have caused a complete riot here at work, and I just don't want to 'hurt' mary or see her get hurt because she loves and trusts this guy so much...not to mention she has really been hurt in relationships in the past and this girl is freaking gorgeous! 5'7, prob around 120 lbs, wavy brown hair w/ highlights, green eyes - the type that could get any guy....has any FORTers ever had to deal with this kind of thing?? what did you do or ..not do? I know that I will prob never say anything to anyone about it but I still wonder when it is the right thing to do to tell someone they are in love with a DAWG???????
    Madison, your situation is made even worse b/c the man works in your dept and Mary is with the company also. You have to tread lightly. He may already have cheated on Mary with other women. Sara is your best friend. If the roles were reversed and Sara was married to the man I'd say tell her. You are not as close to Mary. She has a right to know, but it shouldn't come from you. That will stir up too much trouble in your dept with her husband. Are you prepared to find another job if things head south? Would it be fair that you were the one to end up leaving over the discord? No, but that is usually the way things work out. No good dead goes unpunished. It would be better if Mary were told by Sara. She could met privately with her and bring copies of the e-mails, etc. If he would cheat with Sara, he will cheat with another. He'll get caught on day. On the other hand, Mary may already know what he's really like and has just accepted it. This is just my humble opinion.

    toothdoc

  7. #207
    FORT Regular Madison1995's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broadway
    Madison,

    You do need to keep in mind that he hasn't done anything other than express a desire to see another person. Yes, his interest sounds a little more than just a desire for friendship, but he hasn't yet crossed the line that you know of.

    Good luck!
    Thx Broadway, you are right.. somehow I let that fact slip from my mind

  8. #208
    FORT Regular Madison1995's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToothDoc
    Madison, your situation is made even worse b/c the man works in your dept and Mary is with the company also. You have to tread lightly. He may already have cheated on Mary with other women. Sara is your best friend. If the roles were reversed and Sara was married to the man I'd say tell her. You are not as close to Mary. She has a right to know, but it shouldn't come from you. That will stir up too much trouble in your dept with her husband. Are you prepared to find another job if things head south? Would it be fair that you were the one to end up leaving over the discord? No, but that is usually the way things work out. No good dead goes unpunished. It would be better if Mary were told by Sara. She could met privately with her and bring copies of the e-mails, etc. If he would cheat with Sara, he will cheat with another. He'll get caught on day. On the other hand, Mary may already know what he's really like and has just accepted it. This is just my humble opinion.

    toothdoc
    Thx for the advice toothdoc! Actually, your opinion is exactly mine at this point! If I didn't work with these people it would be alot easier but I don't want to cause a huge fallout and that is exactly what it would be. I also feel like she should know but it isn't my place to break it to her because she is just a casual friend who used to sit across from me, we never talk after work or hang out except for once a year on her husband's birthday and to answer Broadway's question - mary and sara are not close friends at all.. sara used to work here too and I introduced her to mary and brought her out with us but that's about it. I also hope you are right that he will get caught one day because no, I don't think sara is the only other female this guy has preyed upon.. he recently went to a harley bike week and won the award for sexiest biker there so my guess is he wasn't an angel there either but mary stayed here and didn't go and seemed completely oblivious because she always talks about how much she trusts him...

    thx again for the great advice people! It made me realize that even though I don't wish to see mary hurt, it isn't really my place to put that into action esp when it could affect my job..

  9. #209
    So Far Away Yellow Apple's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.D.
    Unless you're a mormon, then you just marry everyone. (I am one, so don't jump all over me about it...me and my sister-wives will come and getcha!)

    Polygamy rules.
    I'm part redneck and in that spirit, I asked my sister if she wanted to go out with me and she turned me down. Sometimes water is thicker than blood, apparently...
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  10. #210
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    Geez. I've already tried to set up Y.A. and Erin, and they're the two biggest whiners in this thread. Pay attention when someone tries to help.

    J/k, of course, guys...but just so you know, I have an astonishing success rate in pairing people up. I am responsible for at least two marriages among my friends, and they are both past the 10-year mark and still going strong.
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