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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #2001
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    5. Don't pull the "I'm pissed off at you but I'm not going to tell you why" stunt. If I do something that incenses you, either dump me or speak up. Do not attempt to make me figure out why you're angry. This is the most annoying trait you can demonstrate in early courtship. I know you'll do it occasionally if we get serious, but if you do it in our early dating phase, that means you will do it constantly.
    I may get this tattooed on my forehead
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  2. #2002
    Amethyst YetiSports7 - Snowboard FreeRide Champion Amy Lee's Avatar
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    The guy needs to stfu. I can see that with that kind of attitude he obviously is single.
    Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
    Infect me with your love and Fill me with your poison...

  3. #2003
    MRD
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane View Post
    I found this on AOL this morning and read it. It's pretty funny. A guy's perspective about dating (though I don't agree with Point #10. I was always trying to get a word in edgewise during my dating years...the majority of guys I dated yammered on and on about themselves no matter what the topic of conversation was).





    http://personals.aol.com/article/_a/...15113809990001

    'Why I Won't Commit ... Yet'
    By Ron Geraci
    Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine

    I have been on more than 250 dates in the last six years. And, on behalf of my fellow single American male peers, I feel the need to air some things that I, and men everywhere, find complaint-worthy. Many are small things that drive men away, or drive us slightly nuts. But if single women would just take a few of these helpful suggestions into consideration, we could change the world. Or, at least, make a man here or there enjoy a date a smidgen more and consider settling down a whole lot sooner.

    1. Do not insult my black leather couch. It's been around a lot longer than you. And I can clean it with Windex.

    2. Don't tell me about the conspiracies and evil schemes of your coworkers. I don't know these people and I won't care about any of this drama unless it involves guns or sex.

    3. Don't do the feign where, after dinner, you take your wallet halfway out of your purse when the bill comes, saying, "Oh ... wait a second, here ... wait ... Are you sure?" We know it's almost certainly an empty gesture. If you asked me out, you can make a push to go Dutch or to pick up drinks without risking this negative overtone.

    4. If you're overweight, don't try to bring attention to it in some mitigating way, such as "I broke my foot last winter and have gained so much weight, I can't stand it." All a guy hears is, "I'm sure you find my extra weight unattractive, but I'm hoping you'll overlook it." Pretend you really believe that you're attractive. Every guy drooled for at least one enigmatic woman who was a good 20 or 30 pounds overweight, but had the personality and magnetism to make her weight a nonissue.

    5. Don't pull the "I'm pissed off at you but I'm not going to tell you why" stunt. If I do something that incenses you, either dump me or speak up. Do not attempt to make me figure out why you're angry. This is the most annoying trait you can demonstrate in early courtship. I know you'll do it occasionally if we get serious, but if you do it in our early dating phase, that means you will do it constantly.

    6. Don't tell me your timeline for getting sexual. Telling me, "I never sleep with guys until we've dated at least a month -- just my little rule," won't make me think you have especially high standards. It'll make me think you need artificial timelines because you don't trust your instincts. If I become a real jerk and push you into telling me when I'm going to get some, be direct and say, "I'd like to wait until we've dated longer."

    7. Express open-minded interest in something I bring up that you have no interest in at all. I'm doing this for you constantly, so reciprocate just a little. Instead of saying, "I don't watch television, so I've never seen that show and don't know anything about it" try, "I've heard about that show but haven't seen it -- what's interesting about it?" See how easy?

    8. If I talk on and on about myself, don't immediately assume I'm an egocentric conversation hogger who never shuts up. It might be because you're letting uncomfortable silence persist after responding economically to my questions. Say something interesting. If I don't let you finish your sentences, label me an ass and move on.

    9. If we only had dinner, let me call you. If the date was an event in which I bought you some ticket or admission that cost $20 or more (a play, opera, concert, wine tasting, anything above a movie), call or e-mail me the next day with a brief second thank you (the first should have come at the end of the date, though it's omitted quite a bit). Do this whether you want to see the guy or not. It shows class.

    10. Ask me one question. Just one question about me or my life. Don’t spend three hours responding to my questions, talking enthusiastically about your own life, or waiting to be entertained. Asking a question that indicates you have some interest in my life, and letting me answer it, will put you in the top three percent of great dates. And the more questions you ask, the greater your chances that any guy, die-hard bachelor or not, will fall hard and give up anything to be with you.
    I have a girlfriend that should write the counterpoint to this article. And some guys should follow this advice as well, its a two way street you know and she's had several guys do things that this guy is telling women not to do to guys, but they do it to women.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #2004
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Well, I think the guy in that list is a bit bitter, but mostly he's right -- he's mostly talking about honesty and communication.

    But it goes both ways:

    1. Guys, we can't read your minds. That's why we ask what you're thinking. If you're lucky, we've already learned that the answer "nothing," either really means "nothing" or "about baseball" and rarely means "I'm thinking about dumping you." If we haven't learned that, then your best bet is to tell us you're thinking about baseball, or your socks, or anything rather than nothing.

    2. We don't care about the mechanical details of your car or anyone else's. Seriously, stop telling us.

    3. Ask US one question. Just one. Show us you're interested in what we have to say, because believe it or not, some of us do not talk non-stop to people who don't seem interested in what we're saying. You don't have to fill an uncomfortable silence with your own life story -- you could fill it with questions about mine. Ask me about myself, and I'll tell you anything you want to know, but if you grunt at me, I'm going to shut up. And then I'm going to think you're self-absorbed. And then you're never going to get to #4.

    4. Sex. We'll have it when I want to, and if I tell you I've got a schedule of how many dates or how long I must know you, what that really means is that it all depends on whether you prove yourself a nice guy who will still call me the next day.

    5. If I take my wallet halfway out of my purse, I'm at least making the gesture. I'm telling you I WILL pay half, if necessary. And it sounds like you should be grateful I'm willing, since it sounds like other women aren't. If I intend to pick up the whole tab, I'm already holding the check and giving my card to the waitress.

    6. I might be pissed off at you and not ready to tell you why. Sometimes I like to mull things over and get the words right before I try to say them out loud to you. Maybe it's because too many men like yourself have dismissed my feelings as mere PMS, and I'm working extra-hard to make sure I'm being rational. When I'm sure, I'll tell you what's wrong, eventually.

    7. You want class? Call me after a date, whether you paid a lot for a ticket or took me to Arby's, and whether or not you want to see me again. If you say you're going to call, call.


    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  5. #2005
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    You should write your own book, Lucy!

  6. #2006
    MRD
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    great counterpoint Lucy!!!!


    WEll if this guy has been on 250 dates makes you wonder about him doesn't it? I mean, maybe it ISN'T all just the women or he's obviously picking the wrong kind of woman.

    I happen to know (2 are in my family) 3 people that were all married 5 times before they were 50. I figure everyone's entitled to one divorce if things don't work out. And maybe 2. But after number 3 you need to ask yourself? Is it me? What is it I'm doing to destroy these relationships? And Am I picking the wrong kind of person in the first place?

    Seriously if you have not learned after 2 divorces, then I think there is a problem somewhere.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #2007
    JR.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy View Post
    Well, I think the guy in that list is a bit bitter, but mostly he's right -- he's mostly talking about honesty and communication.

    But it goes both ways:

    1. Guys, we can't read your minds. That's why we ask what you're thinking. If you're lucky, we've already learned that the answer "nothing," either really means "nothing" or "about baseball" and rarely means "I'm thinking about dumping you." If we haven't learned that, then your best bet is to tell us you're thinking about baseball, or your socks, or anything rather than nothing.
    OK, but you need to promise us that you won't ask 27 more times if you're not happy with our first answer.

    5. Don't pull the "I'm pissed off at you but I'm not going to tell you why" stunt. If I do something that incenses you, either dump me or speak up. Do not attempt to make me figure out why you're angry. This is the most annoying trait you can demonstrate in early courtship. I know you'll do it occasionally if we get serious, but if you do it in our early dating phase, that means you will do it constantly.
    I absolutely hate this and refuse to play it even in a long-tern relationship. I will ask 1 time, if you say "nothing", I won't ask again. Ever.

  8. #2008
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    I'm with you, JR. Long after my divorce, when my ex and I were back on pretty good terms, I told her that I used to love it when she gave me the silent treatment--it was the only time that I got any peace and quiet.

    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  9. #2009
    FORT Fogey joeguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by canuckinchile View Post
    I don't like number 8 either. There is nothing wrong with a comfortable silence....Really can't stand people who have to constantly fill dead air space. Usually not a problem in the beginning of a relationship when there is lots to talk about anyways.
    it says uncomfortable silence...not comfortable. ~~~"It might be because you're letting uncomfortable silence persist after responding economically to my questions."

    I would sometimes stop and let the silence go to see if she could fill it.....then it gets to the point of a waiting game and I know its time to go

    3. Ask US one question. Just one. Show us you're interested in what we have to say, because believe it or not, some of us do not talk non-stop to people who don't seem interested in what we're saying. You don't have to fill an uncomfortable silence with your own life story -- you could fill it with questions about mine. Ask me about myself, and I'll tell you anything you want to know, but if you grunt at me, I'm going to shut up. And then I'm going to think you're self-absorbed. And then you're never going to get to #4.

    I do this too and one lady thought I did it to manipulate her, she just didn't catch on the nothing means nothing to me and i don't care to pull it out of you if nothing means something after all
    Last edited by joeguy; 08-28-2006 at 08:53 PM.

  10. #2010
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Ya, I guess joeguy . I am out of sorts because I go to a painting class to relax, and there is a non stop yatter there. Drives me nuts.

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