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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #1831
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    The only reason I'm not into calling guys right now is I used to when I was in college, and it always went well. I called my ex husband several times, in fact chased after him.

    That was always something he brought up, "well you must have liked whatever it was I did, you always called" and a few other things that made me wonder if the relationship would have just quietly died, if I hadn't done a called him. Plus several people have noted to me since the divorce, I always seemed much more interested in him then he was in me.

    Plus the fact, I'm not jumping on the phone to call this guy or checking out the personals too hard makes me think, dating is not a huge thing for me right now. I'm actually more interested in expanding my friends in the area or traveling to see the ones who live out of the area.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  2. #1832
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nlmcp View Post
    Plus the fact, I'm not jumping on the phone to call this guy or checking out the personals too hard makes me think, dating is not a huge thing for me right now. I'm actually more interested in expanding my friends in the area or traveling to see the ones who live out of the area.
    That sounds pretty wonderful to me! And like you already know, it's so much better to be happy and alone than in a meh relationship. (I didn't mean for you to call up this guy right now. I just meant that if you ever feel like calling him (or any other guy) up, there's nothing wrong with it. BUT, if you find that you're constantly the one making plans etc., then dump that guy.)

    It took me a long time to realize why guys don't call. All the hours my friends and I spent discussing this and going over elaborate scenarios (everything from: "They don't want to look too eager," "They're super busy at work," "They're shy," etc.). It pretty much boils down to one thing: Because they don't want to. Their loss!

  3. #1833
    LG.
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    FORT Writer LG.'s Avatar
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    ah yes, the old "he's not calling because . . .[list of crap excuses we make for men]" was a whole chapter in that He's Just Not That Into You book. I think the book as a whole is good information. Of course it didn't apply exactly when I first met my hubby. He was flunking the tests in that book because he wasn't exactly beating down my door after our first meeting, and I did have to email him and initiate our next date. But once he found out that I liked him (and his risk of rejection went down - big chicken) he was all into me. Yup, we got married later that same year.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  4. #1834
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    I second that! If a guy was interested, he'd call. Plan and simple. My b/f was into me at first meeting but I was seriously thinking, he's not/couldn't be/why would he, etc. So he broke it down for me in plain english, black or white, no gray area, that he liked me so he wanted to keep seeing me. No playing games and no guessing. He has gotten a little away from that lately and when he hedges his answers to question, I often tell him, what happened to black or white, yes or no, yea or nay, give me the answer and stay out of the gray area!

  5. #1835
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    With respect to guys not calling because they're not interested, I have to mention that there is at least one exception - Mr. Rattus. He never called when we first started "going out" (I use that phrase loosely), even though he had been waiting patiently for a couple of years for my first marriage to break up (everyone, including the two participants, knew it was coming). He still doesn't call without a lot of prodding from me - "how many times do I have to tell you to call me when you're going to be two hours late from work - you know I'm prone to anxiety attacks". In fact, when I asked him not too long ago how long he would have to be away before he'd call me, he said two weeks, and my heart just fluttered madly because, you know, he loves me . He won't call anyone else at all (we won't go into his mother).

    Anyway, this leads me to believe that there are men out there who are just not phoners (phoneys?) and who are just inclined to take their own sweet time about things.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  6. #1836
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane View Post

    Anyhow, I've always felt that if you feel like calling the guy, call him. I've never known a guy to like a woman LESS because she showed interest and initiative.


    Throw out the rule books and the other crazy ways to test a guy. If he's interested, you should be able to tell and its doesn't matter who initiates what. If you feel prioritized and feel the man's interest when you're together, that's all that matters. If you don't feel that, then who cares if he was the one to make the first call? Lots of guys that aren't that interested call because they don't have anything better to do.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  7. #1837
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    I asked my husband out on our first date. We got married two years later.

    (NOTE: After I asked him out, he then asked me out on most of the subsequent dates and he definitely is the one who proposed...although I may have thrown a few hints here and there. )

  8. #1838
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rattus View Post
    Anyway, this leads me to believe that there are men out there who are just not phoners (phoneys?) and who are just inclined to take their own sweet time about things.
    I know married couples who call each other all the time (one husband calls his wife several times a day to the point where she feels a bit smothered) but their relationships aren't any better or worse than mine. My husband doesn't like cell phones and only has one out of job necessity. He isn't much of a phone talker at all. He doesn't call me that much, which I admit I wish he would more than he does, but he also doesn't call anyone else more than me. Some men, and women, just aren't phone people. Myself, I prefer email to talking on the phone. The only people I really want to call me on a regular basis are my husband and son (when he's away at college).

    I think like Stargazer says, it shouldn't matter who calls who. It's how the time spent together goes that determines if someone is "into you."

  9. #1839
    Amethyst Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LG. View Post
    ah yes, the old "he's not calling because . . .[list of crap excuses we make for men]" was a whole chapter in that He's Just Not That Into You book.
    Enough said.
    Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
    Infect me with your love and Fill me with your poison...

  10. #1840
    Wishing for spring Mellon's Avatar
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    Here's my recent dilemma... I've been meeting & going out with these reallllly nice men. Let me stress that they are very, very nice... They're definitely into me & attracted to me and push for another date, but I'm just not feeling it. With the history that I have, let's just say that if there isn't a small spark, I'm just not going there. Maybe it's because these guys aren't my 'type'... I don't know what my problem is, but I'm just not feeling it with any of them so far... and, it's getting awfully expensive to go on these dates without anything coming out of them - I'd rather stay home & make my own dinner than go out and spend money on my own dinner...

    Buffy: What is this?
    Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too. ("Gingerbread")

    Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey! ("Buffy vs. Dracula")

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