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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #1501
    Amethyst Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Giz, in other words, he lacks tact. I've dealt with people like that.
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  2. #1502
    giz
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    thanks, Mudah!

    Yeah, Amy Lee, he lacks tact! It's a hard one for me, because I am just rabbit to the hilt and us hares can't understand why people can't just be nice. We'd rather slice off our right paw than be rude, whereas for him it's no effort, rudeness just comes burbling out of him! I am trying very hard to look at his actions, which for the most part are pretty good (apart from the leaving us thing!). He spends a lot of time with the kids, and gives me stuff lately (dvd last week), and fixes things without being asked on occasion. So, somewhere, deep down, under the crabbyness, the depression and the rudeness, I think there is a good person. I would prefer a person for whom I don't always need a magnifying glass to see the good, though! However, I'm keeping my vows in mind, and the kids, and the fact that he's family (since we're married, we're not second cousins or anything. Not that there's anything wrong with that ), and trying to be patient while we figure things out. My hopes aren't high, but then neither (unfortunetly) are my expectations. Though I find my expectations creeping up, day by day!! Yay for that!
    Last edited by giz; 05-22-2006 at 08:30 PM.

  3. #1503
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giz View Post
    However, I'm keeping my vows in mind, and the kids, and the fact that he's family (since we're married, we're not second cousins or anything. Not that there's anything wrong with that )!
    Giz you crack me up!

    Somehow, I imagine that you look exactly like your Helana Bonham Carter avatar! (Oh, and about shrinking all your cashmeres in that other thread, I hate when that happens!)

  4. #1504
    giz
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    Well, the reason she's my avatar is that people do say I look like her. Hopefully without the ... er, odd outfits. (And I do not consider shrunken sweaters odd! My goodness, no, I am starting a new trend!). My face is not as square, and I've got a couple of inches on her. I don't photograph anywhere near that well, and I certainly take it as a compliment when people mention the resemblance (though I don't know if she'd be flattered!). I love her voice too, it's always deeper than I expect it to be.

  5. #1505
    FORT Fogey Muduh's Avatar
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    giz, I think that asking to go on vacation with you all, in front of the kids, was a pretty tactless thing to do. What could you say? AND if he wants to spend two nights in the same house, then why did he leave at all? Sounds as if he's wanting to keep the door open in case he decides to stroll back through. Don't make it too easy for him. You don't want that door to turn into a revolving one.

  6. #1506
    Funny Farmer JenTheSurvivah!'s Avatar
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    Hey FORTers, I don't know if this is the right place to do it but I need to vent a little bit so bear with me...

    Okay, I know have decided to swear off any idea of a romantic relationship from now until after graduation (far too stressful a time) but there are still thoughts swirling around my head.

    My friend has had three or so boyfriends over the past two years and I don't get why I'm single. Maybe part of it is that I am way too busy but I'm fine with that for now. I think I have a lot going for me. I love making people laugh and have a good time, I'm fairly intelligent, I'm very creative (the arts are my passion), I'm very loyal, caring and willing to be there for anyone. Is that not good enough for anyone?

    Also, when it comes to the looks department, I know it's taken me time to accept myself but I personally like the way I look. I like my hair. I like the fact that I am part of the 4% in the entire world with red hair. I like my green eyes. I like my smile. I like my eyebrows (my sister is rather envious of my eyebrows). I like my pale complexion. I like my curvaciousness (if that's even a word).

    But maybe the dimbulb guys out there aren't into what I have to offer and think the latest Paris Hilton ( ) and Jessica Simpson clones will offer them a brief penis extension...and I personally am glad that I don't look like them. In fact, I don't even want to look like them. I don't want to conform into an image that guys want. That's for the weak minded.

    Maybe guys are afraid of girls with strong, independent minds. I'm not gonna make myself become a drooling idiot for them.

    But I don't understand why all of the above has never had a guy have a crush on me or something. If they say confidence brings the guys in, maybe they're all filthy liars. I haven't found anyone out there yet that has made my heart pound with excitement since my last heartbreak (which I will save for another rant). Maybe next year some college lad will sweep me off my feet. Who knows?

    There, that felt good. Sorry if I seemed profane.
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  7. #1507
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Jen, I'll be frank with you. High school guys are often meatheads that do want to think they can get the local Paris Hilton clone. However, there is hope. College is a whole other world and guys there often have a more mature notion of what a real woman looks like. Sit back and give it time. I'm sure the right guy will come along. Keep your confidence, too. It really is the most important thing.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  8. #1508
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    I agree with Stargazer. But you don't want your confidence to be mistaken for arrogance and a condescending nature, Jen. I was much like you in high school. I was comfortable with myself and proud in much the same ways you are. But I rarely had dates and wondered what was wrong with the guys. I later found out that boys who were interested were either intimidated or thought I had no interest in them. So try to loosen up in college without losing your integrity. I know lots and lots of men who would love a red-headed, green-eyed, milky white beauty. Make sure you let them know you are interested, too, don't make them do all the work!

  9. #1509
    giz
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    Jen, I'd say keep your sights high. Looking back I think I was nice looking in high school, but boho, and I think guys (being less mature than girls on average, at that age) were a bit intimidated. They often are just not thinking past their pants and can't deal with having to have a conversation with the object of their affections. At least as they get older they get better at hiding that! *

    Going to college will open up a whole new world as far as relationships are concerned. The guys will start maturing and be more ready for you. He will show up, keep your standards high, and expect him to do well by you. When one shows up, make sure you're on the same page. I've been reading He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt, and while the theme does not apply to you (it being guys who cannot commit) the message of deserving a good guy might be cool to read. It sounds like you already are seeing things clearly, but just in case you find yourself slipping and willing to accept less as a trade off for some male company (my particular Achilles heel) this book will shore you up! (and there's never been a better time to be a redhead if you ask me, everywhere I turn I see gorgeous famous women with red hair. Although mine's chestnut and I like it like that, my daughter's is going coppery and I'm thrilled for her).

    *or as Greg Behrendt puts it, "pretending to listen while trying to figure out if she's wearing a thong".

  10. #1510
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenTheSurvivah! View Post
    But maybe the dimbulb guys out there aren't into what I have to offer and think the latest Paris Hilton ( ) and Jessica Simpson clones will offer them a brief penis extension...and I personally am glad that I don't look like them. There, that felt good. Sorry if I seemed profane.

    OMG...must.remember.this.sayin g.

    Priceless JenTheSurvivah! Hang in there..you sound like an awesome young woman and in time an awesome young man will come along and you will be ready for him.
    I don't know your exact age but I would have loved to have had your confidence when I was in my late teens. That will serve you greatly in the future!
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

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