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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #1141
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    Well so far every time we have talked I've said something that has just been, well dumb but each time he seems to find it humourous rather then dumb.

    The conversations have been fun so far so hoping the date goes ok.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

  2. #1142
    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
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    That sounds really exciting Nlmcp. Good luck on your date!

  3. #1143
    Wishing for spring Mellon's Avatar
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    Well, my time of living with my ex is almost at an end. We've been very good to each other over the past three weeks & have stayed out of each other's way, but I found a wonderful apartment that will be mine next Wednesday. I will be able to take my time moving in & Mr. Mel has paid for my first & last and is giving me a lot of the furniture from our house. I'm really excited about my own place and it's absolutely adorable!

    I did have a moment of "OH MY GAWD WHAT DID I DO?" panic on Friday night while out at a bar... it was interesting to say the least

    Buffy: What is this?
    Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too. ("Gingerbread")

    Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey! ("Buffy vs. Dracula")

  4. #1144
    Here's your sign JAFO'S PRINCESS's Avatar
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    Good luck Mellon.
    I might as well work. I'm in a bad mood anyway.
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  5. #1145
    giz
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    So I saw my friend who happens to be a lawyer today. Just before my husband moved out I saw my friend's friend (the family law lawyer: my friend is more business law, bankruptcies, real estate etc). I don't want to pay to see a lawyer yet, but my friend said she knows enough about family law to tell me that a) if I sell the house and get somewhere cheaper my husband will have an easier time of cutting back on support payments. He keeps saying we should sell (it's in both our names), but I don't want to/think it's a really bad time to introduce even more negative change into the kids' lives. Anyway he claims we're not getting divorced so what's the rush? (I actually -today- want a divorce, but we have to wait a year legally. Which is probably a good idea not to be allowed to rush into anything). My friend also says B) that if I get the full-time job he wants me try and get (I want to hold out for part-time at at least $18 p.h. with benefits, as then I'd still be able to take the kids to school, pick them up, make their lunches and dinner, take care of them when they're sick, clean the house etc: he wants me to work full-time for minimum wage) he will be able to make a stronger case for reducing his payments.

    She is convinced he's been talking to someone, either a lawyer (or more likely) some pub-fool who also does not like women. My husband used to say "the money's yours too babe", in the last six months this has changed to "You are a parasite" and "I'm sick of you sponging off me". (I work about 6 to ten hours a week right now, and have always done all the housework, cooking and yardwork). I kind of feel he's probably being (willingly) given some of these ideas. What do you guys think? Does he come up with all this stuff on his own? He's not normally Macchiavellian enough to have cunning plans, but his character has really changed in the last year or so.

  6. #1146
    Adelitas Way 7.14.09 libra1022's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nlmcp View Post
    Well so far every time we have talked I've said something that has just been, well dumb but each time he seems to find it humourous rather then dumb.

    The conversations have been fun so far so hoping the date goes ok.
    nlmcp, I'm so excited for you! Best of luck with the date!

  7. #1147
    Here's your sign JAFO'S PRINCESS's Avatar
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    Giz- I would listen to the lawyer friend. As far as the ex goes I wouldn't trust a thing he says. That's the best defense you have. It sounds awful but you have to look out for yourself and kids. If you can make enough $$ part time to support yourselves then more power to you! Go for it! It does kinda sound to me like he's trying to get you into a bind. I wouldn't trust him. It's like the story about they guy who picked up a snake cause it was freezing o death and put it in his pocket. As soon as the snake got warm it bit him. When the man asked why the snake had bitten him after he helped it the snake replied "you knew I was a snake when you picked me up". Don't make the same mistake. You shouldn't have to change everything you are doing cause it's not working for him. He's a big boy. He wanted to seperate so IMHO I don't think he has any say about what you do. As long as the kids are taken care of what buisness is it of his where/when you work? I think that lawyer gave you very good advice. DOn't give him any excuse to pay you less. And moving would probably be the WORST thing for the kids. Hang in there Giz.
    I might as well work. I'm in a bad mood anyway.
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  8. #1148
    giz
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    Thanks Jafo's P. I got an email from him this morning (he's much more reasonable in email form, doesn't get all het up) outlining why he thinks we should consolidate his debt into the mortgage. The bank gave me figures showing it won't save us any (will cost us some), but he's so keen on the idea I don't think he'll listen to reason. I'm not looking forward to that conversation.

    Sadly there's no way I could make enough to support me and the kids. I wish. I hate taking money from someone who's called me a parasite. Where we live is really expensive (the whole region, not just our middle class neighbourhood), so even if we did move to a real dive neighbourhood I'd still need his money. And he does want to give some, but it just grates knowing that on some level he resents it. We needed his hefty income to stay here, so the part-time will be mostly a savings fund for a while. I'd like to have at least a month's worth of living saved in case he suddenly cuts back on what he's giving me. Eventually I'd like to save for a real holiday for the kids. It's just so damn frustrating. He makes more than enough for us, but as he has spent the last few years frittering it away (largely in the pub) we are now massively in debt. It makes me fairly furious, but I try not to dwell on it.

    Last night I dreamt we all went on a family day-trip, and it was so sad to wake up to the reality of him gone, and all those family times gone, and all these self-inflicted money troubles. Just makes me sad and mad. It's all so freaking unnecessary.

    I'm off into town today to submit some more applications. Sort of hoping I might get part-time work in a chocolate shop for Easter. Yum!

  9. #1149
    Here's your sign JAFO'S PRINCESS's Avatar
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    I feel for you Giz. I know what it's like to have to walk on egshells till the next bomb hits. It's good that you are saving for a rainy/crappy day. Any leverage you can get financialyy is good. I meant that if there is a way (including child support) for you to support yourselves go for it. I am all in favor of having a mom at home. He shouldn't get all honked off about support anyhow. Those are his children too. That he helped make. It's not your fault that you got rpegnant. He was there too. Men can just get jerky like that sometimes. I had to remind evil x lots of times that children have needs. And that they come before his. Just ignore his nasty comments as much as you can and try to make the best of what you have. And remember. It could always be worse. It probably will before it's all over, but then it will be over. I can't send enough hugs cause I know I needed a bunch.

    PS- At least you have a good head on your shoulders. You'll make it. JP.
    I might as well work. I'm in a bad mood anyway.
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  10. #1150
    FORT Fan Shaybo's Avatar
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    Hey Giz

    Hey Giz,
    I feel for you kiddo really I do, and if I had the money I'd give you some. What right does he have to tell you that you're a parasite? You're not a parasite and he has no right in calling you that. You know something smells fishy in Denmark and kiddo it aint the fish.
    Shaybo
    There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved- George Sand

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