Relationship Challenged

[giz]

Yeah, I know stargazer, there's a certain amount of cake-eating going on. Thing is, there's not much for them to do there, though they do go over there on Saturdays. Weeknights he's here twice because I'm tutoring, and get back right before bedtime. They like having him still read them stories. The other nights he drops by on his way to soccer. I think its more comfortable for them to have him here, even if its a bit wierd for me.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I've been busy processing the whole thing, plus doing my part-time work, plus being a newly single parent, plus I started two on-line courses, and am teaching a course next week. I've just been feeling slightly overwhelmed by it all! Everyone I know says I'm doing well, and while I have moments where I'm cranky (at what he's done) or tearful, for the most part I just think "well, what are you going to do?". I'm not going to let the situation beat me down, or define everything about me. The lady I work for got divorced four years ago and she is still hopping mad about it. Great, great lady, really like her, but I won't let it take up that much of my mental time, or peace of mind. I feel a Gloria Gaynor song coming on!

[nlmcp]

It will start working out giz. When my ex first moved out, it still seemed like the house was home base for everyone but slowly it has been that the kids like to go to his place for visits, the older one more then the younger but they start to get their own way of doing things.

Take care. I'm always amazed about the people who are still so angry about their divorces even years later. It's amazing how stuck they are and it's sad because it's done, they need to open themselves up to what is next.

[famita]

Star, I'm with you! Giz, my ex used to watch my kids at my house. It ended up creating problems that are too numerous to go into. Watch yourself and make sure you retain your sanity. The kids might enjoy visiting dad at his place. It might be a welcome change. He would have to accept some of the parental responsibility. I guess the most important aspect is what is best for the children. Good luck!!

[nlmcp]

I have a question. I've been e-mailing with a guy I met on yahoo personals. He seems nice, we've talked about meeting at a book store we are both familar with. Is there a suggested protocal for when this happpens? After a week? When we feel like it? Any suggestions?

On one hand I feel fine with this, it's sort of a blind first date, which I did a great deal of in college. On the other hand I'm a little freaked by the idea of meeting somone new. This would be my first date post divorce, where I didn't know the person for years prior to dating them. (Looking back, I should have just skipped dating who I did and said I had a policy against it)

Oh well, just looking for a little input and something to settle my nerves.

[Stargazer]

nlmcp, I think that only you know when they time is "right" to meet each other. In my opinion, if you feel comfortable meeting this guy, don't worry about what anyone else thinks. I've always thought that there were no reasons to put time restrictions on love and dating. If the spark is there, its there. If its not, it won't be even if you've known each other a year before meeting. As long as you take a few precautions (meeting in a public place, telling at least one trusted friend where you're going and who you're going with), then you should be fine. Good luck. We all know how wonderful you are. I'm sure it will go great.

[PGM35]

I have a question. I've been e-mailing with a guy I met on yahoo personals. He seems nice, we've talked about meeting at a book store we are both familar with. Is there a suggested protocal for when this happpens? After a week? When we feel like it? Any suggestions?

On one hand I feel fine with this, it's sort of a blind first date, which I did a great deal of in college. On the other hand I'm a little freaked by the idea of meeting somone new. This would be my first date post divorce, where I didn't know the person for years prior to dating them. (Looking back, I should have just skipped dating who I did and said I had a policy against it)

Oh well, just looking for a little input and something to settle my nerves.

Have you talked via phone? That may help make it less uncomfortable. On the other hand, if you want to meet him and he wants to meet you, then a book store or other place (coffee?) would be good too. I agree that there is no set time frame - at least for those not playing games. Good Luck!

[libra1022]

nlmcp...I agree with the advice above, if it feels comfortable just go for it! I've gone anywhere from first email and meeting the next day to dragging it out up to about a month just to get comfy. PGM is right on with the phone thing too, it does help break the ice even further and give a better comfort factor.

Just be careful, but have fun! (and of course give us all the details later )

[nlmcp]

We talked on the phone for the first time last night. Planning on meeting this weekend as the nights this week are too hectic.

I of course stuck my foot in my mouth several times during the conversation. Oh well.

[famita]

nlmcp, I am so excited for you. I hope you have a great time!

[misskitty]

nlmcp Take foot out of mouth. Then you can SMILE.
GoodLuck!