How do you get someone interested in you? I feel like everyone else I know has no problem meeting people. They get hit on in line at the grocery store, in the parking lot at the mall, at work, wherever. I try going out specifically to meet people at clubs and parties and no one seems to notice me. What am I doing wrong???
True, I am shy and don't start up conversations but I feel like guys should be the ones to show interest first. I'm just old-fashioned that way. Plus, I figure if a guy is interested in me, he'll say something. If he saw me and didn't say anything, he obviously isn't interested in me so it would be a waste of time for me to approach him.
Pika, try smiling and eye contact. And by that I don't mean grinning like an idiot and a dagger stalker stare but looking happy and looking people right in the eyes. Shy people tend to look down or look away which other people take as a sign that they don't want to be bother.
Guys are shy too. You don't have to make a major first move, just a simple "hi" with a smile can be enough to encourage a guy to at least approch. Frankly it does help sometimes to start a conversation, I don't consider that forward or unseemly, if you expect the guy to do all the work it's not going to happen. He needs some sort of signal from you that you are friendly.
I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger
Thanks, nlmcp. I do have a hard time looking at people, even family and friends. I was really, really shy when I was growing up. I've gotten much better but still have problems with it.
pikachu, forget the "old-fashioned" stuff, and think of it sort of like getting a job. If you find a job you're interested in, you apply, don't you? You just don't sit there and wait for the HR rep to come to you, right? It's the same with some guys, it's not that big of a deal to say hi or start a casual conversation.
Being too quiet and not making eye contact might come across as a bit stand off-ish, like you don't want to be bothered. Relax, smile, and have fun (or at least act like you're having fun )
I'm an 18 year old girl, and haven't had a boyfriend EVER. I have tons and guy friends and apperently they have all liked me at one point but tell me that I am too guarded. But really, I have noticed, that I am not attracted to single guys nor do I want to ever become close friends with them. I think it's because I am so afraid of being in a relationship and that I know that to be friends with a single guy there may very well be certain expectations or...eventualities. I dont want that. My best guy friends are the ones with girlfriends, because there isnt any pressure for anything more. I would NEVER be the other woman, so don't go thinking that! And if a guy made a move of me when he had a girlfriend I would be very upset. Anyways lately I've been really lonely and finally think i'm ready for a relationship. I must be friends with the guy first, but the problem is that all of them are taken. And I refuse to date the conventional way, where you meet someone with the intention of becoming their girlfriend. My problem now is that I have found the right guy for me, we were close friends and he was single about a month ago in which I have recently been informed (by him) that he was thisclose to asking me out but thought i didnt like him (because i dont show it), so he asked out another girl instead. This is killing me because they seem so happy together and now that he has a girlfriend I feel comfortable with getting even closer with him as friends which only leads me to more heartbreak as I discover how well we mesh. He told me he still has lingering feelings, but doesn't know how strongly I feel for him,or that I feel at all! So my question finally after all this rambling is this: Should I be a possible homewrecker and just tell him how I feel and let him decide what to do or should I wait until they fizzle out and be "the rebound"? I think that if I told him I liked him after they broke up would be really tacky. It's breaking my heart to know that he likes me, yet knowing he is so happy with her, and also knowing that he doesnt know how I feel about him. To top it off, he's the only realpersoncrush I've had since age bloody 13. So it's a big deal!
Ehmmm, Some how i don't trust this guy now, he liked you so much, he assumed you didn't feel the same way so instead of putting himself out there(protecting his ego) he asks another girl out? Think about this, how would you feel if you were the one he were going out with and he is having thoughts about someone else? I hope you find a good guy though.
Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and Fill me with your poison...
It's like whenever someone tries dropping hints I never get it because I guess I don't feel like I'm worth it-like I'm not worthy of having an "admirerer" and it's hard because I think I'm missing out-like I'm always afraid to make moves because I'm realizing that I am self conscious in that area. Aghhh whatever.
"What it do, Shawty?"-Natasha Galkina
Ok. I do not have a PHD in relationships, however, I have learned a few things.
pikachu There's nothing wrong with being shy. I've been very shy most of my life. Although many people would not necessarily agree. Recognize that you may be walking with your head down, as well as your eyes. Hold your head up and look up at the world. If you want to be seen, you need to see as well. Practice getting noticed by people in a very subtle gentle way. Say hi to the bus driver when you get on, smile at the cashier at the grocery store, practise speaking to "safe" strangers by saying thank you. Or give someone a compliment, just because. Just because you feel you are not noticed at clubs doesn't mean that you aren't. Guys may see that you are really nice and don't approach you because that is not what they are looking for. And those guys, you don't want to get to know! Also, they may think that you will not be interested in them. Lack of confidence is not restricted to the female gender.
spaceoddity You are not an oddity. I graduated high school before I was ever asked on a date, or kissed by a boy. It was awhile after that before I even had a boyfriend. That's what worked for me. Everyone is different and it is very smart that you recognize that you are uncomfortable with single boys/men and their expectations, the eventualities of serious dating, and what I find, are very wrong assumptions made by many people. Trust your instincts. Be true to yourself. Don't give in to peer pressure or ultimatums.
With respect to this particular fellow who has your current attention... I don't believe you can be a homewrecker if none of you are married, or living in homes. You are 18. You are learning, growing and discovering yourself as well as experiencing the world around you. You have many things yet to experience. This potential relationship is not the end of all that will come to you. As you said, he is not available. He is with someone else. Therefore, accept that and continue with your life and keep your options open. If in the future, he becomes available, and you feel the same way, then it makes sense to tell him how you feel. I have learned that men may tell you one thing, but will show you another. Actions speak louder than words. I know you'll hate these words, but everything is a big deal when you are 18. It is tremendous that you have male and female friends. Keep up with that. And enjoy your life. There is much ahead in your future. There are many fish in the sea. Go fishing.
Since I'm on a roll....
ANTM FanSo you are self-concious. Many people are whether they show it or not. You will gain more confidence with time. (which I know doesn't go fast enough). Feeling like you are not worthy is something altogether different. That shows lack of self-worth which is an ugly partner to lack of self-confidence. Think of why you feel that way. Truthfully. Try to put it on paper and look at it when you don't feel really emotional. Ask yourself, if that were the notes of your friend, would you judge them that way? Probably not. Make a list of all the good things about yourself. (I find that hard to do, myself). You will most likely find you are a good person, worthy of all the joys and adventures and abundance out there. If you don't feel like making the moves, then you may not be ready. Keep up with participating with others and do things, like hobbies, or activities, that will help you feel good. Even baking cookies. Talk to someone you admire and trust. They may be able to put things in perspective for you.
I hope that something here helps. Good Luck and Good Mental Health! - Frasier
Last edited by misskitty; 01-25-2006 at 04:27 AM.
Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly
Thanks for the advice, Miss Kitty. I hope something works for me soon. I'm 35 and I've never even had a boyfriend. I don't want to end up alone, never knowing what it's like to have somebody love me. I still want to have children someday. Sure, I could adopt children later in life but that's not the same as having children of your own.