I am very glad to hear he is not driving when drinking excessively. If you don't wish to drive him home drunk. Make him take a cab. You SHOULD be able to go places as a couple without fear of druken embarassment. What if something came up when you were both out and he needed his faculties, immediately. GROW UP is a good action statement.
You mentioned that his buddies are responsible and can handle themselves. Maybe enlist their help to keep your hubby in check while they are together. Your frat boy behavior reference made me think that he's drinking lots with the boys, however, that doesn't seem like the case. He can do it on his own, like at a funeral.
If he chooses not to recognize the emotional effect this is having on you, when he could simply curb some of the alcoholic intake, then his actions are totally invalidating you.
It would be interesting to find out why he chooses to imbibe greatly when he is out and about with friends, rather than when he is home. Does it happen when he is at home with friends as well? Or is it just because the environment of a bar/restaurant brings him back to his party days? Did he do this when you were both younger? Or is this a middle-aged crisis thing?
Does he realize he can be the life of the party, without being the drunk of the party?
I don't know the answer, but I do know that something like this can stick in my paw like a giant thorn.
Best have a sober factual discussion with him about what's really going on in your husband's mind, and maybe why you don't wish to continue living your life apologizing and excusing yourself from situations he makes intolerable for you, especially considering your past history with your family.
I wish you luck, however do recognize the fact that he is just a man. , But, a man that you dearly love.