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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #1061
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    Lambikins, even though some of the advice was a little tough it did make me realize that this guy is not worth my time. Sometimes its the tough advice that sinks in the best. And I did not mean to come off as a "[modedit]tease", that's not me at all but I can see how my words could have a person perceive that.

    I've seen girls stick with guys that constantly cheat on them and I've always said that I didn't want to be one of those. I'm stuck in my small town for at least another couple months (finishing up a degree) but I'm definitely keeping my options open as far as relocation. The reason why I'm so caught up in trying to be in a relationship is because it seems like everyone that I was friends with in high school are now in long term relationships, having kids etc, and it just makes me wish that i could have that too. I guess I just need to kiss a bunch more frogs before I get my prince
    Last edited by hepcat; 01-05-2006 at 10:56 PM. Reason: Not a PG-13 term even with ***

  2. #1062
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnDaly View Post
    The reason why I'm so caught up in trying to be in a relationship is because it seems like everyone that I was friends with in high school are now in long term relationships, having kids etc, and it just makes me wish that i could have that too. I guess I just need to kiss a bunch more frogs before I get my prince
    Welcome to the FORT DawnDaly!
    I know it's so hard to see all your friends in those relationships with their little babies and it makes you feel like you are being left behind, but you really are not. There is so much out there in the world that you will miss if you jump right into a serious relationship while you're so young. Besides, It's not something you can force and worrying about it won't make it happen. Go, girl, live your life and it will happen for you when you least expect it. You sound like a sweet girl (I can call you "girl" because you are the same age as my son ) and I wish you the best.

  3. #1063
    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnDaly View Post
    The reason why I'm so caught up in trying to be in a relationship is because it seems like everyone that I was friends with in high school are now in long term relationships, having kids etc, and it just makes me wish that i could have that too. I guess I just need to kiss a bunch more frogs before I get my prince
    Dawn, you had some really good advice and you seem to have a good head on your shoulder. I know you will do great. I believe you are the lucky one for not being married with kids at 22. I know many people do it, especially in small towns, and for some it works. But, I think 22 is way too young. You still have lots to learn and to experience. Heck, I'm 30, married, with a child AND I still think I have lots to learn and to experience. So get out of town, live your life, kiss a few frogs, meet your main man, then feel secure in yourself while some of your friends go through a mid-life crises at 30.

    I hope I didn't offend anyone that married young. It does work in some cases, but not in many.

  4. #1064
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesertRose View Post
    Dawn, you had some really good advice and you seem to have a good head on your shoulder. I know you will do great. I believe you are the lucky one for not being married with kids at 22. I know many people do it, especially in small towns, and for some it works. But, I think 22 is way too young. You still have lots to learn and to experience. Heck, I'm 30, married, with a child AND I still think I have lots to learn and to experience. So get out of town, live your life, kiss a few frogs, meet your main man, then feel secure in yourself while some of your friends go through a mid-life crises at 30.

    I hope I didn't offend anyone that married young. It does work in some cases, but not in many.
    Very well said, DesertRose.
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  5. #1065
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    Quote Originally Posted by DesertRose View Post
    I believe you are the lucky one for not being married with kids at 22. I know many people do it, especially in small towns, and for some it works. But, I think 22 is way too young. You still have lots to learn and to experience. Heck, I'm 30, married, with a child AND I still think I have lots to learn and to experience. So get out of town, live your life, kiss a few frogs, meet your main man, then feel secure in yourself while some of your friends go through a mid-life crises at 30.

    I hope I didn't offend anyone that married young. It does work in some cases, but not in many.


    That's exactly what I was going to say.....I was willing to make a bet there would be at least a few of us around here (or many other places) that are in their 30/40's that got married in their 20's and are now divorced wishing they would have known then what they know now. I was just talking with a friend of mine over the weekend about what a leap it is in your life to go from 20 to 30...you learn sooooo much and your perspective changes so dramatically!

    Enjoy your 20's as much as you can Dawn...

    And Lambikins... Just hearing your stories about your roomie makes me exhausted She is lucky to have a friend in you with such good ears. I am curious if you have ever asked her what "she thinks" causes her bad relationships? Its the hardest thing to do to hold a mirror on ourselves, but until we are willing to do it, we can't know the real truth.
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

  6. #1066
    giz
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    Well, my H moved out almost a week ago. The kids are doing okay. I think our daughter's covering up a lot of feeling. Our son, who's six, was initially worried I might leave too, but although he misses his dad, he seems to be doing well so far. His dad's been over lots, and is going to have them for an afternoon on Saturday. I think he misses the kids a lot (though he said the stress of living with kids was one of the things he needs a break from).

    I'm relieved he's gone in that he was a gloom-machine, hyper-critical, and went out every night for the past year drinking. On the other hand, I miss the guy I married, miss having an adult in the house to talk to (not that he was the best for that, but we did have the occasional conversation), and miss the kissing (nothing wrong with that side of our relationship). I guess it's impossible to put a time-frame on it, but I"m wondering how long it takes to get used to all that being gone. I never signed up for singleparenthood, and am wondering if I'll ever get used to that (loving having positive time with the kids, without him making us tense though). Missing old him, grieving that. I feel a bit silly about it, as he was such a *&%$ recently! (He says he "just needs a break" and will "probably want to come back") (though I don't want him back now without substantial improvements, and I suspect he might not really want to come back).

  7. #1067
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    giz - it sounds like you guys are doing as well as you can under the circumstances. Your son being afraid that you were going to leave too just breaks my heart. I don't really know what you are going through but I totally understand grieving for everything you've lost. Don't feel silly about missing the man you married, it's obvious he's been gone longer than just the time that he has not been living in your house and it's completely understandable that you would miss the 'old him'. Hang in there, I wish you the best and hope things settle down for you very soon.

  8. #1068
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    Hey, Giz, think of the good stuff-
    1. You don't have to shave every day
    2. You can eat out of the jar standing in front of the refrigerator
    3. You can burp and fart all you want
    4. The kids have undivided attention
    5. You can catch up on reading
    6. You can reconnect with single friends (who ARE lonely, even if they aren't admitting it)
    7. You can catch up your journaling (which your grandkids will appreciate one day- I love reading my late Grandmother's tales)
    8. You now know exactly what you DON'T want
    9. You now know exactly what you Do want
    10. The kids can now see what happens when two real ADULTS make a wise decision.

    Not making light, just someone who has been there, and learned to laugh.
    Last edited by snoopy; 01-05-2006 at 10:48 PM.
    Go Tigers!

  9. #1069
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    I hope no one takes this in the wrong way- I just recently climbed out of a really deep hole that I never thought I would I ever get out of. If it weren't for my two best friends, and their very supportive husbands, I'd probably be in bed with the covers over my head. They helped me laugh at myself again, and also quite a few laughs at their relationship's expense. They helped me come up with that list New Year's Eve while I was with them as the only unattached person there! It made me laugh, which made me feel better!
    Go Tigers!

  10. #1070
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    Hey, Giz, think of the good stuff-...
    Not making light, just someone who has been there, and learned to laugh.
    You rock Snoopy! A Fab-u-lous list I believe . I intend to be in a relationship AND be able to do all those 10 things. (except insert kitts for kids). Wishing you strength and balance, Giz

    Also Dawn, I wholeheartedly agree with the intelligent advice given below and would like to add: Don't be one to follow the sheep, be one to guide others.
    Last edited by misskitty; 01-06-2006 at 02:53 AM.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

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