Thought I'd update. Saw a lawyer, she was great; she didn't even bill me! (She will if I have to see her again, then she'll bill for 2 sessions). I took her a Visa bill I'd purloined and she took one look and said "It's all about the drinking isn't it!?"
Well, it's also about him turning all uncomfortable emotion into anger - sadness, frustration, feeling overwhelmed by responsibility - everything makes him mad. He's found a place, and since he paid for it he seems to be feeling better. Yesterday we had an astounding 3 conversations! More than we've had in months and months. About his feelings, mine, what lies at the root of our problems, and science and god. He does have opinions and can express them without sneering. So that's good to know. I've made a counselling appointment for Monday (yesterday he said he'd come and today he says maybe). At the moment I think both that there may be someone I'd be more compatible with emotionally, and that I'd like us to work things out if possible. I think we owe it to the kids and to each other, as we've been together so long. I'm going to try not to hang any hopes on it if I can avoid it. He has significant shaping up to do before I'd agree to him coming home. He wants to come for dinner every Friday, take care of the kids when I'm working and if I got sick (though I've said no thanks to the if I got sick scenario, I can do flu without him). He wants to see them Saturdays and says he could even sleep on the sofa some nights. (Uh, no). His latest clever idea was just to tell them he was getting an office downtown (works from home), and that he might sleep there sometimes. They aren't that daft (well the older one isn't),but is says to me he isn't burning any bridges. He said to me, "you're not burning any bridges are you? I don't want to think this is the end for us." He keeps reiterating that he wants to be there for the kids and for me. Of course he may change his mind a hundred times between now and tomorrow, but at least his intent sometimes is to do the right thing. Still not sure what I think, just muddling through.
He thinks he's having a midlife crisis. I think that's a good half of it (and can date it back to a woman in a shop assuming he was our son's grandad - and he was 44 at the time). The other half is his parents fought all the time, his dad bullied his mum and he never learned how to handle negative emotions. Also he drinks to muffle all that. So there's a lot to be worked on (and I would prefer a man without all that baggage), but it is possible. I've just got to decided over the next few months if it's desirable.
Last edited by giz; 12-13-2005 at 03:11 PM.
The ****** is suing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah.. we lived together our senior year of college, and now he's suing me. Says I owe him half of 12 months rent! Also saying that half of my TV and furniture is his too! Which is complete crap! We made an agreement that he pay all of rent, and I pay groceries, utilities, etc. ARGH!
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!!!
Why did I ever cry over this jerk?!
Wow. I'm not even sure what to say. I'm sorry, CallieCutie.
If there's one thing I've learned, not that it would give you a lot of comfort at this point: After a breakup, all the gloves come off, and it's no holds barred.
Mixed metaphors aside, here's a little comfort for you: . I know it doesn't mean much, but you have my sympathy (and empathy).
"...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor
Counter-sue for the ring. I'm not a lawyer, but if he ended the relationship by cheating on you, I believe that most of the time you're entitled to ring. Then he'll be revealed as a jerk to his wife AND have to give you the ring or the money for it.
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda
"I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson
Do what stargazer says. Good luck.
Blow a kiss, fire a gun, we need someone to lean on
I don't want that ring. Plus it was never even mine (I said no to his proposal, even though we agreed to continue dating).
A friend of mine is a lawyer, and she's telling me to counter sue for emotional damage and for frivilous lawsuit. I'm thinking about it...
Ugh... I HATE HIM! I want the absolute worst things in life to happen to him!
This happened to a girlfriend of my sister. One thing she did was ask several of her friends what they recall of the agreement and what did they recall her owning before she moved in with the guy. Three of her friends (including my sister) recalled that he was very outspoken about what a wonderful guy he was to allow her to live there rent free while she was getting her degree. How he got her a nice desk set to go with her computer and asked one of her friends "don't you wish you had a nice boyfriend like me, look at what you would be getting as a gift."
He walked away from his suit (half the rent and all the furnture saying it was all his and she had stolan it. ) with having to pay court costs and her lawyer fee.
Do you have recipets or check's from paying utilities? Do you have pictures or recipts proving you had the TV and furnature prior to moving in or after moving out? Did you get some as hand me downs from friends or relatives? Do they have pictures of the items in their homes?
Good luck, I'm sure the reason he is being an jerk is he is short of money, but still. Just proves even with a boyfriend you need a written agreement of how you chose divide the expenses when living together.
I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger