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Thread: Relationship Challenged

  1. #991
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO View Post
    Well, I know that others have bigger problems right now, but just thought I would give a quick update. I quit my job some time ago, the other coworker I mentioned in the above post told me a couple days ago that he told theloveofmylife that I liked him. This was a couple weeks ago. His response indicated that he had figured it out and if he's known for a couple weeks now it's time to face facts.
    .

    Let me see if I'm understanding you correctly (I'm not sure if I'm reading your post correctly). Are you saying that your sleuthing coworker found out that the Romeo coworker knows but isn't interested? If that's the case, are you certain that Romeo would want to tell your sleuth? Could there be a reason that they wouldn't want to reveal that information to the sleuth? And finally, is the sleuth a man or woman?

    You don't have to answer any of those questions, of course. I'm just trying to sort through your issue.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

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    Thanks, Phat, for the response. I know all of that from prior relationships, which does in a way make it easier. Being away from the situation has also made it easier.

    Stargazer, I had a crush on a man I worked with. Another male friend at work ("Troy") figured it out (well, honestly, I told him I was interested in someone and he asked if it was someone at work and it took two guesses for him to figure it out since there aren't many single men I worked closely with). Within a couple of months I left my job (about a month ago). A couple weeks ago, they and another guy ("Larry") were having a beer together and Troy asked Romeo if he was seeing anyone. Romeo said no and Troy said "I know someone who thinks quite highly of you" and Romeo asked who and Troy said it was me. Romeo said something to the effect of he kind of figured that. I'm not sure if he meant that he figured it out before or if he figured that was who Troy was talking about just then.

    Hope that makes it clearer. And I'm glad Troy told Romeo. I had a crush on him for almost four years, so I think I always would have wondered. Now that I'm not there I was kind of hoping that would happen. Although the other option would have been for me to lose about 50 pounds and call Romeo to ask him out for dinner.

    As far as whether or not he would have wanted to hide his feelings from Troy, I don't know. They (and Larry) are good friends, but Troy did tell me that Romeo never talks about his love life with them. They've all known each other for almost five years, so this was a big step, I guess. Honestly, I have gone through all the scenarios (he's waiting until after the holidays or after I get established in a new job, he's introverted, he's busy, he's thinking things through, he has a past I don't know about and isn't sure how to tell me, etc.) but I think it's healthier right now to just move on. I have a lot of exciting things happening and a lot of self improvement to do, so I'm going to just move forward and let what happens, happen.

    (I feel kind of bad for writing a book considering how minor this is compared to what others are going through...)

  3. #993
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    It's not minor.

    You were interested in a guy and had been for awhile and now dealing with the idea of that he knew you were interested but he wasn't interested enough to do much about is a bit of a shake up.

    Hey, the tread is about relationships. This is where you post these things.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

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    (I feel kind of bad for writing a book considering how minor this is compared to what others are going through...)
    Don't feel bad. If I had any GOOD advice I would've given it but I think phat said it all. I am a firm believer in fate and maybe this guy wasn't right for you but there is something better waiting around the corner. Hang in there.
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  5. #995
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO View Post
    Although the other option would have been for me to lose about 50 pounds and call Romeo to ask him out for dinner.
    No. No. No. :nono

    The minute you think you need to change to suit someone else's fancy can't be a good thing.

    Jennifer, You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't "go a changing, to try and please him".....there is someone out there that will absolutely adore you for who you are. However, if you desire to lose weight, make it a personal goal for yourself, just not for someone else.

    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferinCO
    Honestly, I have gone through all the scenarios (he's waiting until after the holidays or after I get established in a new job, he's introverted, he's busy, he's thinking things through, he has a past I don't know about and isn't sure how to tell me, etc.) but I think it's healthier right now to just move on.
    Don't make excuses for his lack of action either. I apologize if that sounds brash, I don't mean for it to be, but I think as women, we are guilty sometimes of excusing certain actions from men so in essence, we are hiding from reality. We convince ourselves of certain things only to hide the real truth and end up frozen in time.

    I'm sorry you feel sad right now...in your posts, I realize how much you admired this person and it hurts when things don't pan out how you hoped. Now you have a big opportunity ahead of you...you may have subconsciously excluded yourself from meeting someone else if you were intently focused on this fella but now your eyes can be wide open.

    Hang in there and grab some mistletoe while you're at it....you never know when you might need it now
    A Bachelor fan til it dies a slow death and oddly enough, A Rock of Love fan...finest hair extensions from Europe and all. ;-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Igotalife View Post
    No. No. No. :nono

    The minute you think you need to change to suit someone else's fancy can't be a good thing.

    Jennifer, You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't "go a changing, to try and please him".....there is someone out there that will absolutely adore you for who you are. However, if you desire to lose weight, make it a personal goal for yourself, just not for someone else.



    Don't make excuses for his lack of action either. I apologize if that sounds brash, I don't mean for it to be, but I think as women, we are guilty sometimes of excusing certain actions from men so in essence, we are hiding from reality. We convince ourselves of certain things only to hide the real truth and end up frozen in time.

    I'm sorry you feel sad right now...in your posts, I realize how much you admired this person and it hurts when things don't pan out how you hoped. Now you have a big opportunity ahead of you...you may have subconsciously excluded yourself from meeting someone else if you were intently focused on this fella but now your eyes can be wide open.

    Hang in there and grab some mistletoe while you're at it....you never know when you might need it now
    What she said.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferInCO View Post

    Hope that makes it clearer. And I'm glad Troy told Romeo. I had a crush on him for almost four years, so I think I always would have wondered. Now that I'm not there I was kind of hoping that would happen. Although the other option would have been for me to lose about 50 pounds and call Romeo to ask him out for dinner.
    It does clear it up, thanks. Everyone seems way harsh about the guy, I think. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't sit around pining for him or anything, but don't assume he's not interested and shut the door on the possibility. It could be any of the reasons you cited that he's not approached you, yet. He could also have some issues of his own to work out, you just never know. Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time and one (or both) of you have to work some things out first.

    If you happen to run into Romeo, let him see that you're still interested, but don't see him as the only guy for you, either. Don't sit at home moping and close out the possibility of meeting someone. But I wouldn't necessarily write off Romeo yet.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

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    Thanks everyone! And, yes, the comment about losing 50 pounds and "wowing" him was kind of a joke. I don't think he is the type to get too hung up on appearance anyway.

    I actually don't feel that hurt right now, since I'm removed from the situation. A little disappointed, but not as hurt as I thought I would be. It helps that I'm removed from the situation I suppose. I mainly posted to update everyone, since I posted so much about this a few months ago.

  9. #999
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    Jennifer, I am definetely not clever enough at this relationship stuff to post advice! It sounds like its not too bad for you though, not as much as you expected, so perhaps a little bit of relief to get it over with, while at the same time being disappointing?

    I've hurt my back now (temporary thing, happens occasionally), so the husband is trying a little to be considerate, so that's good for as long as it lasts. I said that if there was the money I'd like to take the kids away next month (for a weekend) to the big city.They haven't had their annual trip in well over a year, and I thought it might cheer them up a bit after their dad buggers off. We have someone we could probably stay with, so it wouldn't cost too much. (Except for the price of the darn gas!). I learned how to drive last year, so said I thought I'd be okay in the traffic over there. He said (suprised voice) that he would come too. I said, well I thought you'd want the space (didn't get yelled at for "presuming"!), and he said, no he wanted to come and that I couldn't "shut him out of the kids' lives". WTF? I said, well I'd be there too (obviously, but I thought maybe he blocking out my odious presence). "Ya, I know." and off he goes to work. ????? I don't want him there; and what is he thinking about? He can leave us and I'll straight away want to go on holiday with him? I'd do it if I thought it would be good for the kids, but I think this early on it would be confusing for them. Is he being odd (having cake, also eating it?) or is it me. He's got my thinking so scrambled, I think it's my Year of Crazy Thinking.
    Last edited by giz; 12-08-2005 at 01:34 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by giz View Post
    Jennifer, I am definetely not clever enough at this relationship stuff to post advice! It sounds like its not too bad for you though, not as much as you expected, so perhaps a little bit of relief to get it over with, while at the same time being disappointing?

    I've hurt my back now (temporary thing, happens occasionally), so the husband is trying a little to be considerate, so that's good for as long as it lasts. I said that if there was the money I'd like to take the kids away next month (for a weekend) to the big city.They haven't had their annual trip in well over a year, and I thought it might cheer them up a bit after their dad buggers off. We have someone we could probably stay with, so it wouldn't cost too much. (Except for the price of the darn gas!). I learned how to drive last year, so said I thought I'd be okay in the traffic over there. He said (suprised voice) that he would come too. I said, well I thought you'd want the space (didn't get yelled at for "presuming"!), and he said, no he wanted to come and that I couldn't "shut him out of the kids' lives". WTF? I said, well I'd be there too (obviously, but I thought maybe he blocking out my odious presence). "Ya, I know." and off he goes. ????? I don't want him there; and what is he thinking about? He can leave us and I'll straight away want to go on holiday with him? I'd do it if I thought it would be good for the kids, but I think this early on it would be confusing for them. Is he being odd (having cake, also eating it?) or is it me. He's got my thinking so scrambled, I think it's my Year of Crazy Thinking.


    This is PROBABLY bad advice but maybe you can put a not bitchy twist on it. If I were you (IF) I'd reply with something catty like "You want to disrupt the fammily so you can have space. That means you don't get to do the fun stuff." Something better might be the suggestion ( familiar with the leave it in the corner for him to chew on and think it's his idea thing ) that you will try to use it to ease the stress the children will be feeling with the changes. Trying to get adjusted. I don't know it's a thought. Good luck.
    I might as well work. I'm in a bad mood anyway.
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