You guys are killing me!
You guys are killing me!
If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
That must cause quite a stir around the ole water cooler!Originally posted by Paulie
That's why he wears a codpiece.
I think it would be time to change out that water...Originally posted by enygma
That must cause quite a stir around the ole water cooler!
"George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
-- Arrested Development, Season III
You guys have thoroughly cracked me up!
Hey, fellas! It's coming down to the wire, and you don't want to be left out! Confused about what to do for her on Valentine's Day? In the spirit of friendship, here are 14 suggestions to spoil your lady on Feb 14.
1. Big Mac cut in the shape of a heart.
2. Dinner and a show--What lady doesn't appreciate a buffet and the 99-cent/5-nights rental rack at Mr Friendly's Neighborhood Video?
3. Go to Hallmark and choose from their selection of "I'm Sorry I Slept with My Secretary" cards. (Addendum: If you haven't slept with your secretary, be sure to check out their "I Promise to Not Sleep with My Secretary" selection.)
4. Make sure she gets the last piece of chicken from the bucket during Valentine's dinner.
5. Nothing. This will demonstrate that you understand the relationship is grounded on trust, respect, friendship, and not based on anything crass like material desires.
6. Offer to wash her car. When she catches you sitting on the couch and asks, "When is my car going to be done?" tell her, "Well, I don't know. Depends on when you can get to it."
7. Offer to cook her breakfast in bed. When she comes out of the bedroom an hour later to see you with burn marks on your face covered in flour, she is sure to take over the chores. The French toast will be up in no time.
8. The Bible you stole from Motel 8 during your last business trip when you spent the souvenir money on a lap dance at Bob's Fantasy Girls.
9. A slap on the butt and a "Damn, woman, you lookin' finer every year, and I don't think you gained that much weight since I stopped paying for the gym!" ought to cover it.
10. The sweater her mother gave you for Christmas. This will show that you appreciated her mother's thoughtfulness so much that you think the sweater worthy of being used again.
11. Carpet bomb someone else's country, leaving burnt earth trails in the shape of heart. (George Bush only.)
12. The promise to only watch two pornographic movies before bed. Try to keep promise.
13. Read her the first love letter you ever sent her. Try to eliminate references to "peeping" and "outside your bedroom window" when you do.
14. Try to minimize references to the sexy salesgirl you saw while shopping for her Valentine's Day Gift, especially if you didn't get anything.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!!
Bill you little devil! I was so far behind in this thread!Originally posted by Bill_in_PDX
Okay, I'll do it, but I think he might get mad at me...
"They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)