Have you ever not done Thanksgiving?

[just1paul]

All the days except for Christmas. The reasoning for me is that my family is not one of these "talk to and see you every few weeks" type of family. I see my parents every other week and talk to them at least once a week, but as far as the rest, "Oh it's Thanksgiving or Easter or whatever" let's pretend we are one big happy family just like the waltons. B.S.! I just decided that since most of these days are fronted by and followed by a day of work I want to just lay around and relax.

[nlmcp]

When I've had to work on Christmas, it just came down to a simple "hey, I love you, but I need to work, I can't take it off". My family is pretty laid back when it comes to holidays. Since I was 22, I have lived 500 miles from my parents and they live in the really icy north (as opposed to me living in the icy north) my father has always made it plain....don't come home for the holidays if you have to rush here and back because it's not safe. So my parents have never been a problem. My in laws...well a bit less of a problem, sometimes we have done the holiday on New Years. They always made a bit more of an issue about getting together on the holiday but were willing to work out the timing.

[AJane]

I'm trying to figure out how to not do Christmas this year....and it's NOT going over well with my family! We have a very small group of us (mom & step father, grandmother, and myself) so with me not wanting to do it, it's causing a MAJOR uproar. They've gotten used to the fact that I don't go home for Thanksgiving anymore since I work all that day as well as they day after....but they are drawing the line at Christmas and are majorly mad at me at the moment for even mentioning it. They all think that cause I'm the manager in my department it means that I get first dibs on the day off, but it's quite the opposite...because I'm the manager, I need to be there. *sigh!* Going over on Christmas Eve won't work cause we're super busy then and I need to work a closing shift, we're open on Christmas day so I'll be working also, and even the day after I am required to pull a major shift (7pm-8am for a "strip and deep cleaning")....it may be New Year's by the time I actually make it over!

Any suggestions for those that have skipped the holidays as to how to make things more "right" with my family and keep the peace?

Yes, indeed. Tell them they are most welcome to come to YOU. If you can't accomodate them at your place, send them a list of reasonably-priced hotels in your area. I would give mom & grandma free reign in your kitchen and let them do up a scaled-down Xmas dinner, if they so wish, or make reservations and all of you can go out to eat. Then you can come home from work and enjoy a home-cooked meal, or be waited on at a nice restaurant.

I put my foot down at Xmastime a couple of years ago (and a heavy foot it was, I was six months pregnant with my 2nd). I was sick and tired of the loony bin at my in-laws (we're talking around 70 people jammed in her house - no, it's no fun AT ALL) and my mom overdoing it like she does every year. I invited everyone to come to my house instead. My mom still insisted on making the turkey, but my husband, my brother & I did the rest and my SIL & BIL's girlfriend cleaned up afterwards. (My MIL & FIL couldn't come that day as they had houseguests. Whatever. :rolleyes) I was totally relaxed and really enjoyed Xmas for a change. We now live 10 hours from our immediate families, so we make the trek back home for the holidays - now it's more like a vacation and a chance to see family & friends that we no longer see all year, so I don't complain any more. Much.

[roseskid]

Good for you Rosekid! I think it is more important to do what makes you happy instead of what others expect of you.

You go girl!

Thank you.

Libra, my mother was actually very understanding about me not joining them that year, but she was a very kind, compassionate and loving mom, so I lucked out in that department. I think that AJane has wonderful and wise advice for you, though. I'd say, give it a try, and then let us know how things pan out for you. Good luck.

[MalibuPam]

I did Anti-Thanksgivings for about 3 years in a row. See, I'd been traumatized by several Thanksgivings in a row at my Mother-in-law's. My husband's family doesn't hold back and sparks fly on the holidays. I come from a very conflict avoidant family. No adult has ever ended up in the back bedroom crying during a holiday dinner in my family!

So, we took control of the holiday. We served no alcohol. We said, come if you want, or don't if you have something else to do, it is all fine by us. And then we barbecued ribs on the beach. After a few years of that, I was ready to have a real Thanksgiving again, but ever since, it has been at our house and everyone behaves. This year, we did the beach again, but had a full turkey meal.

[libra1022]

Yes, indeed. Tell them they are most welcome to come to YOU. If you can't accomodate them at your place, send them a list of reasonably-priced hotels in your area. I would give mom & grandma free reign in your kitchen and let them do up a scaled-down Xmas dinner, if they so wish, or make reservations and all of you can go out to eat. Then you can come home from work and enjoy a home-cooked meal, or be waited on at a nice restaurant.

THANKS AJ! That's what I was kind of thinking about....problem being that I have cats, and Granny won't eat or stay at a place where there are cats. She THINKS they are all over the kitchen counters and tables and stuff....ummm no way! I trained mine long ago not to go those places and they are very good about not doing it! I think the hotel is a great idea (even though I have plenty of room here)...maybe I'll give them that as a gift and put them up in a nice place close to my apartment in return for them coming over. And since this is a tourist town, there's plenty of places to eat even on holidays...may be a little drive, but it should work to keep the peace. Now just to hit Mom up with it since she'd be the one doing all the driving back and forth...cross your fingers!

[blue jean baby]

When i was married and not working we always did a big meal for the holidays. Now that i work i think the holidays (the few i get off) are meant to relax and enjoy my loved ones. We eat whatever suits us. i do usually cook a turkey, some easy dressing, green bean casserole and gravy. Sometimes i make a pie or sometimes we bye one. This year i wanted turkey the week before thanksgiving and they were on sale so i bought it, we had turkey, dressing, mashed potatos and gravy. On Thanksgiving we went to my bf's parents house and they had a meal prepared at a resteraunt and they just picked it all, brought it home and heated it up. It was actually very good and i didnt have to cook or clean up, that was a first for me in about 20 yrs. i actually enjoyed it allot, would have enjoyed it more if i had not been sick. For Christmas we will do a small dinner of some kind, we are thinking of getting a ham from Honey Baked Hams and we will cook a few things to go with it. To me i do not have to have a huge meal to celebrate the holidays, it is more about being with the people i care about; spending time with loved ones and relaxing.

bjb

[SnowflakeGirl]

My husband would have a heart attack if we so much as thought about skipping Thanksgiving, or any other holiday for that matter. He's incredibly "spirited" let's call it, in the sense that he really pours his heart and soul into every holiday, making preparations, decorating the house, cooking, etc. It can get pretty intense. He's like...Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation.

My family is actually pretty casual about holidays. One year we even purchased one of those ready-made, Thanksgiving dinners--you know, just re-heat and serve? My husband would never stand for that, and it is true that there is just more excitement in a nice, warm kitchen, smelling things that have been cooking all day, and tasting the goodness of dishes all made from scratch.

He's actually taught us the value of having strong traditions, and it's really given us a new-found appreciation for the holidays. For our part, I think we've gotten him to relax more and enjoy simply being together with each other. It's worked out to be a great combination so far.

[Unklescott]

Snowie, after meeting you and your lovely family this just put a big ol' on my face. I have this great visual of Mr. Snowie running rampant though the house dragging extension cords and strings of lights with pots boiling over on the stove, smoke coming out of the oven, etc. and you and Momma Snowie just giggling at him.

[SnowflakeGirl]

Unk, your description is totally on target! See how well you know us now!