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Thread: Just Say No to Drugs

  1. #1
    dvm
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    Just Say No to Drugs

    Hi All

    I need a little parental perspective on an issue regarding drugs, namely pot. Let me start by first coming clean to you all: I’m 24 and still live with my folks. So, I share a house with my parents and my 18 year old brother, who just started college this fall. My Mom and Dad have been busting their tails owning and running a restaurant for the past 2 years, not having the time to really make their house a home or really pay attention/spend time with my brother.

    My brother is not a joc, not very book-smart, and hangs out with his guitar-playing, skateboard-riding, song-writing, geek friends—many of whom are either taking a year or so off from college. So he has a friend over last night who fits my description above to watch the Red Sox game (they rule, BTW). They went out to get some grub and came back home to my Dad answering the door. My Dad thinks he was stoned, because both boys had that glassy look in their eyes. A few minutes later, mom later confronted him about it and he wasn’t as defensive as he should have been for someone who’s been accused of doing something he “wasn’t.” Plus the amount of cologne he had on was suffocating.

    Before I start scaring members with my incessant ramblings, the bottom line is that my Dad wants to have a family pow wow about drugs and have my brother come clean. I assured them that he doesn’t strike me as the type to go into anything hardcore, but their imaginations are already going buck-wild. My mom is feeling guilty for not being around—but the restaurant was mainly income for his college tuition. There are a lot of other marginal factors that make this a dysfunctional situation, but this post would go on for the next 5 pages. I don’t want to be involved in this “intervention” because to be honest, I’ve dabbled in weed back in college. I don’t do it now, because I have a job and am trying my darndest to be a responsible adult (ok, who’s mom and dad bought her a car and allows her to live with them rent free—but I digress). I just don’t want to be involved because I fear that I’ll look like a hypocrite.

    My heart really goes out to my mom and dad because they are doing their best and making the most out of this economy and just trying to survive. My question to you all is if you could give me some perspective on this. I would really appreciate it. My life is an open-book so feel free to ask me whatever you want!

    Thanks in advance, guys!!!

  2. #2
    Top Model Baby! cahalanmac's Avatar
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    DVM, Just tell your parents the truth. You don't feel comfortable in the situation and you do not want to participate. It really isn't your place and you would prefer if they handled the parenting. You don't have to tell them you dabbled, although if you did it might give them some perspective (i.e. trying pot a few times doesn't necessarily lead to a life of debauchery). Just be honest with them.

  3. #3
    dvm
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    Quote Originally Posted by cahalanmac
    DVM, Just tell your parents the truth. You don't feel comfortable in the situation and you do not want to participate. It really isn't your place and you would prefer if they handled the parenting. You don't have to tell them you dabbled, although if you did it might give them some perspective (i.e. trying pot a few times doesn't necessarily lead to a life of debauchery). Just be honest with them.
    Thanks, cahalanmac.

  4. #4
    Angel boy
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    I agree with calahanmac. I also tried pot 3 or 4 times while in college, and while I was not upfront with my mom about it at the time, I have no problem admitting it to her now. (I'm 28) Good luck!!
    America- love it or leave it!

  5. #5
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    trust me - parents always take things better in retrospect! My brothers and I just recently admitted to stealing (and returing) dad's car about 15 years ago - he kinda laughed but was not impressed. My brothers have yet to admit to their drug dabbling, alcohol was always my drug of choice so I have no experience that could give you any kind of insight DVM good luck!
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  6. #6
    Caged Maveno's Avatar
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    Or, if the parents insist on you being 'involved'... say exactly what you said here, in front of all of them.
    Say you're not taking sides, cause quite frankly..you've dabbled in pot at his age. Let your parents know your concerns and that you understand them, but also do the same for your brother. He'd be more inclined to 'admit' to smoking some dope if you say you have...also, if there are harder drugs he's doing, you all might find that out too. Maybe you should take the time to let everyone know what's going on in your life, schooling, etc.. then your parents can share, then your brother...

    It sounds like the 'pow wow' is a PRIME opportunity for everyone to either vent, talk, cry, admit, etc.. If you all know what you've all been doing lately, it can only make the living situations (for everyone) much more enjoyable.

    Good luck dvm!
    All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed; in
    life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

  7. #7
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    DVM, maybe you can convince your parents to hold off on the powwow and let YOU talk to your brother. He might be more inclined to come clean with you than if he feels the whole family is ganging up on him, especially if you're frank with him about your experiences. Then you'd be able to gauge how serious the situation is and whether further action is warranted.
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  8. #8
    dvm
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    Ok, he has come clean to me. He and I are very close. I know for a fact that he does pot from time to time-- and I've never said anything or thought it was a problem. We've exchanged stories. He's a good kid and would never do anything really serious like crack. Which is exactly why I'm torn-- I didn't "tell on him" last night when I had the chance. I feel like I'd end up betraying either my parents or my bro. Maybe I'm just acting like a drama queen. This whole situation sounds much more stupid when I see it in writing.

    But thank you to everyone for all of your support!

  9. #9
    Leave No Trace ADKLove's Avatar
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    Nothing too much to add to the good advice you've already been given. I don't belive pot to be the gateway drug many claim it to be. The only problem (other than its illegality :rolleyes and co$t) is that it can hinder your motivation. I think you should talk to your parents (you're an adult - buck up and really talk to them about your experiences) and then talk to him. If he's smoking now, he'll probably smoke in college - make sure he understands where his priorities should be.
    Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe

  10. #10
    FORT Fan Catt's Avatar
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    I have a co-worker who suspects her son is using drugs. He is older than your brother and has a young son. She tried talking to him, but he denied it and basically tuned her out. His sister also tried talking to him and he admitted to smoking pot. He doesn't want to stop.

    A person has to see that they have a problem and have a desire to correct it before they will accept any help.

    Just keep loving him and don't shut him or your parents out. Good luck.

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