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  1. #8151
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    Thanks for all the good wishes. We are all adjusting. Moms first weekend visit is coming up and I'm all in knots about that. I've already spoken to their other grandma and told her that I'm depending on her to make sure things are fine. She's become very humble to say the least. These are the people who insisted that my son was such a worthless, dead beat dad that he didn't deserve to even SEE his girls, much less participate in their lives. Well, now that he has stepped up to the plate that their daughter left abandoned on the table, their attitude has changed. She was also concerned that, now that my son has custody, he would make it difficult for them to see the girls. He has no intention of doing that. I was able to get a little dig in too when she said that they want to be able to see them. I told her that I would never keep the girls from them. Said that I know what it feels like to not be able to see my own grandchildren and I wouldn't be a part of doing that to anyone. She didn't have much to say after that. I guess it wasn't necessary for me to get that in, but it did make me feel better to say it.
    inthegarden and Photobabe like this.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  2. #8152
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit View Post
    Thanks for all the good wishes. We are all adjusting. Moms first weekend visit is coming up and I'm all in knots about that. I've already spoken to their other grandma and told her that I'm depending on her to make sure things are fine. She's become very humble to say the least. These are the people who insisted that my son was such a worthless, dead beat dad that he didn't deserve to even SEE his girls, much less participate in their lives. Well, now that he has stepped up to the plate that their daughter left abandoned on the table, their attitude has changed. She was also concerned that, now that my son has custody, he would make it difficult for them to see the girls. He has no intention of doing that. I was able to get a little dig in too when she said that they want to be able to see them. I told her that I would never keep the girls from them. Said that I know what it feels like to not be able to see my own grandchildren and I wouldn't be a part of doing that to anyone. She didn't have much to say after that. I guess it wasn't necessary for me to get that in, but it did make me feel better to say it.
    Did the other Grandma at least apologize to you ... you know ... mother to mother, granny to granny?

    I hope all goes well tis weekend ... for the sake of the children and you/your family
    "The way to become boring is to say everything." Voltaire

    " The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. "
    Mohandas Gandhi

  3. #8153
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    Just be aware that they might act out after being with her. A little patience will go a long way.
    Ellen likes this.
    Count your blessings!

  4. #8154
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    Good advice Gutmutter. We are trying to be very patient with them already. I'm kind of worried about what kind of lies she will try to plant in their heads. But this is a long term investment and we won't see progress overnight. The 5 year old is having some wetting issues. Today my son took her to the Doctor to rule out any chance of a UTI and she is fine. The Dr. said it is most likely a behavior issue. We have talked to the guidance counselor at their school to let them know about the situation and Adam is going to speak to her today about what our doctor said when he picks them up from school. We got a referral to see a child psychologist but we have to wait until my son gets their insurance switched over before he can get an appointment, so in the meantime, they will be meeting with the school counselor.

    And no, echo226, no apology from the other grandma and I don't expect one. She is the most two-faced backstabbing person I have ever met in my life, but I honestly believe that she loves the girls as much as I do, so I HOPE that she will do what is in their best interest. That's what I'm depending on anyway.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  5. #8155
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    I would try not to worry about the visit. When my husbands daughters lived with us, the younger one was always different after a visit with her mum. I couldn't explain it, but once I resigned myself to the fact it would happen, it was fine. I never asked what she said to them, because that would reinforce what she had said( talking about it again) was right. I do know, or learned later she put my husband down and blamed him for many things. Pretty heavy things when they were too small for that kind of talk .
    The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
    -Andy Rooney-

  6. #8156
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    I have an non relative loved one in my life, with 2 girls who live with their father and a step mother who I consider a little ... maybe a lot "off".
    The custody arrangement is due to both financial and daytime care giving arrangements.

    Step Mother has sent these girls to visit their (biological) Mother in unwashed, torn clothes, ill fitting shoes, with unexplained bruises ... and last time with untreated lice and eggs in their hair.

    It is a difficult situation ... and stepmom now has 2 of her own biological children, so loving attention and finances will be further divided.

    I know these circumstances ar different than Lil Bit's ... but in a way it just reminds me to pray harder for all.
    "The way to become boring is to say everything." Voltaire

    " The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. "
    Mohandas Gandhi

  7. #8157
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    It may not have anything to do with what she may or may not say. I had a foster son once upon a time and any time he had visits with his biological siblings, he would act out afterwards. It is just a lot for them to process. I wish you luck and love. You're doing a wonderful thing for them.
    beerbelly likes this.
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  8. #8158
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    I would check with my attorney about keeping a list of dates for the visits and any other facts that might help log the situation.

  9. #8159
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    Debb is correct.

    Keep a Journal or at least a folder with notes.

    Documentation is very important and will come in handy.

    Even a photo when they return isn't a bad idea.
    "The way to become boring is to say everything." Voltaire

    " The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. "
    Mohandas Gandhi

  10. #8160
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Share your good news

    We are documenting everything. Have been for awhile. My son always figured that he would have to fight her in court for the girls. He didn't really expect that she would willingly sign her rights away like she did. I am still documenting everything. I have a notebook that I write dates and situations in, I have saved texts and printed out Facebook posts. I may be a dreamer, but I'm hoping that she moves on with her life and leaves the girls to us. She doesn't show much interest in them. They came home Sunday and seemed happy to be back. They didn't cry when she left, just calmly said goodbye. The oldest, Alexis, didn't feel good. She had a fever and was pretty tired. I got her some Tylenol and let her lay in my bed and watch television. Mom never called to find out how she was. That alone just boggles my mind. But, like I said, maybe she'll just go away and stay there.

    Gutmutter - I was prepared for them to act out some and for our progress to go backwards a few steps, but so far it's all good. I'm beginning to think that this is all going to work out.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

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