Sending prayers hugs and love buglover.
Sending prayers hugs and love buglover.
Bug -- prayers and thoughts from me to you.
Just a thought here -- as he's a teenager, normally wanting to be grown up and all, but still having to go to a Children's Hospital and being told to eat and drink by his mom -- and all this with cancer. Uggghhh. Would it help him to be more willing to participate in his own health and recovery (eating, drinking) if the doctor had a "grown up talk" with him directly? Do this, and you get better; don't do it, and these are the consequences.
I dunno -- maybe one-on-one time during his exams (or part of them) might help him feel more adult-ish and in control -- and more willing to do what he knows he needs to do?
"There's no crying in baseball!"
-- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own
Aww, bug, hang in there. I can't even imagine.
I think Ellen's advise sounds very wise. He may just be feeling the normal teenage need to rebel. Getting someone else to tell him what he needs to do might get the message through. Is his girlfriend still around? If so, maybe she could reinforce that he needs to be a rebel with a cause and eat and hydrate. How else is he going to keep driving you crazy?
"I miss Darva Conger." - Phonegrrrl
I'm guessing that he's bouncing between wanting to be grown, and still realizing/resenting that he needs his mom for "mommy stuff". I'm know it's rough on both of you, bug. Difficult territory. I am sure he is "mad" at his body for making him different from most of his peers.
Maybe, like Ellen says, you need to step back a little bit....but I don't know how you do it.
Last edited by prhoshay; 02-11-2011 at 05:58 PM.
"...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer.
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!
Bug, sending love and hugs.
Ellen may be on to something. Give him something to "own" by himself. And tell the doctor that he's not 3, he's 18 and you can't sit on him to MAKE him do it that you need help from the doctor on this.
You'd think fainting in front of his friends would embarrass him enough to eat and drink so it doesn't happen again.
Que me amat, amet et canem meum
(Who loves me will love my dog also)
nennie: I'm sorry to read your Mom is not doing that great. Its wonderful that you are close to her though, I know of situations where the home care for one of my friends mother is 1 hour away, which makes it difficult to visit more than once per day. I hope she is comfortable and not in pain.
Bug: You have every right to feel your are coming apart at the seams. Your posts have been so positive despite all your challenges, you can't fall apart now! I think Ellen is right as well, someone other than you, needs to give it to Victor straight up, if you don't eat and drink, this is what will happen, its up to you. Its a tough call, but you are doing all you can and sometimes you just need that outside help. Its ok as a Mom to realize you can't do it all.
Wracking my brain here... maybe buy a bunch of "finger foods" you know he likes. Stuff he can "snack" on while playing on the computer, or playing video games.
I don't know what he likes, but I'm sure you do. The idea is that, while a sandwich might be too much to even think about eating, maybe some cheese cubes/sun chips/trail mix/granola/tortilla chips or nachos with guacamole or salsa, (etc, etc) might hit the spot while giving him some necessary calories and nutrients? I'm going to assume he eats supper with you every day. Maybe you can eke out the rest of his daily food intake with finger foods he loves?
Just a thought. Lots of good wishes for you both from me.
"Blessed is the lonesome pioneer." -- Judee Sill (1973, "There's a Rugged Road")
I think Ellen did hit on something. Can Victor be more a part of what he is eating/drinking? Maybe he is feeling smothered as most teens do sometimes. Are you close with any of his friends that you can talk to them sometime to see that he eats/drinks? Does Victor know everything that is going on with his body and the cancer?
- The Dean Martin Show -
Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..
The screwed up thing is the doctor has come down on Victor about needing to eat and drink. They even prescribed marinol (pill form of THC) to stimulate his appetite. He really wants to go to this concert tonight so at least today he is drinking and eating everything I put in front of him whether he wants to or not. I wish there was something every day that he wanted so I could use it to make him do what is needed!
I guess I'm just getting really tired of only having to go to the doctor so many times, the driving, the treatments.... I know the end game is very worth it but it is taking a lot out of our family. Tuesday we have an appointment in LA so I have to take the whole day off of work. It takes a couple of hours to get there so we have to leave very early in the morning to make it there on time. A week from Sunday I will be back in LA living at the Ronald McDonald House for 8 days. I feel like I'm living out of a suitcase. I never see my man between all that I have to do and his 2 jobs. I know this is a test and if we can handle it, our relationship will be unbreakable but it is very taxing. When I stop for a little bit, I think to myself that this is going to be something I will have to take care of for the rest of my life. If the treatment is successful, Victor will have to keep up with all of his appointments even when he is older. There will be more tests, scans, etc forever. I love my son but he is not the best at taking care of business. He would throw his homework away if it took too long to complete. I guess I've got to really take one day at a time and not think too far into the future. I've never had a vacation....ever. I was a single parent and I worked non-stop. The only time I have ever taken off from work has been for being sick, my mother passing away and now for taking my son to his appointments or ER, etc. I'm just praying that once he is stable I can actually go somewhere even as a family to put my stress behind me even for just a week.
I feel like such a tool for even complaining about this stuff. I know I should be grateful that my son is alive and that things are looking up. I better not go out in a storm because I may get hit by lightening for feeling selfish!!
Thanks for listening. I love you guys and this is the one place I want to go and vent because I know that there are so many of you who understand what I am going through.
Yup, with donuts!!