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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #9591
    FORT Fan elleprn's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I feel fortunate that this forum exists. Many of you have such heartbreaking circumstances. In comparison my question may see quite petty. I am a single mother with one wonderful daughter that I've raised alone since she was three years old. We have always had a good life, though at times as a single professional it was hard to keep up with families with two incomes. Rightly or wrongly I may have over compensated for my daughter not having a father involved in her life after our divorce. She attended two Ivy League colleges; one for undergrad and one for law school. She is now married and they are both sucessful in their careers. Thankfully she married into a very large and loving family. My family is all gone now and my three closest friends have passed away in the last few years. Of course I miss my daughter even though we live only 4 hours apart. My question/problem has to do with holidays, mainly Christmas. They will be spending every other holiday with his family in another state. There will be at least 75 family members during those festivities. I am already feeling sad about this. I know it is very fair and she deserves to have that "Norman Rockwell" Christmas experience more than anyone I know. I will be alone for those Christmases and although I'm not that old, I feel like there are not that many Chirstmases in my future, as we all know life passes way to quickly. Do I just suck this up as part of the life cycle of adults with children? If so, how would you do it? I'm thinking of volunteering during that time. Can anyone think of anything else? Thanks!

  2. #9592
    FORT Fan BlondeOne's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by elleprn;4092217;
    I feel fortunate that this forum exists. Many of you have such heartbreaking circumstances. In comparison my question may see quite petty. I am a single mother with one wonderful daughter that I've raised alone since she was three years old. We have always had a good life, though at times as a single professional it was hard to keep up with families with two incomes. Rightly or wrongly I may have over compensated for my daughter not having a father involved in her life after our divorce. She attended two Ivy League colleges; one for undergrad and one for law school. She is now married and they are both sucessful in their careers. Thankfully she married into a very large and loving family. My family is all gone now and my three closest friends have passed away in the last few years. Of course I miss my daughter even though we live only 4 hours apart. My question/problem has to do with holidays, mainly Christmas. They will be spending every other holiday with his family in another state. There will be at least 75 family members during those festivities. I am already feeling sad about this. I know it is very fair and she deserves to have that "Norman Rockwell" Christmas experience more than anyone I know. I will be alone for those Christmases and although I'm not that old, I feel like there are not that many Chirstmases in my future, as we all know life passes way to quickly. Do I just suck this up as part of the life cycle of adults with children? If so, how would you do it? I'm thinking of volunteering during that time. Can anyone think of anything else? Thanks!
    You are welcome at our house anytime! When we were kids my Mom took us to hand out presents and food for the needy. I think it would be wonderful if you could find something like that. It is such a rewarding adventure and we grew alot to see others in need.

  3. #9593
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    HUGS, elleprn!

    Your concern is far from petty.

    The idea of volunteering is a good one, IMO, plus reaching out to neighbors and other people in your locale via events, clubs, support groups.

    Especially if travelling to your daughter's in-laws' celebrations is out of the question for you.

    Some of us post during and even on holidays, so there's support here, too.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  4. #9594
    FORT Fan BlondeOne's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover;4089334;
    Well looks like my son has a new tumor growing on his liver....... his tiny little liver. It is about 1.7 cm in size which isn't huge, but this cancer grows at an alarming rate. There are new mets on his lungs. Instead of two mets, he now has 6. We go back on Tuesday to see the oncologist about what to do next. Obviously he won't pass away in the next few months, but the lung mets have multiplied in just one month. If they continue like this, his lungs will be covered within 6 months. Grrrr..........
    Sending prayers for you and your family.

  5. #9595
    FORT Fan elleprn's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    BlondeOne: My prayers are with you and your family. Your warm welcome has brough tears to my eyes ...... I'm going to have to tell my patients that I have allergies! Thank you and God Bless your family.

  6. #9596
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    elleprn, I meant to say that I'm sorry that you lost your 3 closest friends. Those are hard blows. But I feel that you will be OK, even though it might not seem like it right now.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  7. #9597
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    elleprn: My mom is in similar circumstances to yours. She is alone now, and I (her daughter) alternate Christmases among families. My solution is that I bring my mom with us on the "outlaw" years. When there is so many people, one more doesn't make a difference, and everyone loves my mom anyways Is this an option for you?

  8. #9598
    FORT Fan elleprn's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    canukinchile: Initially I thought I would be included and would go in a heartbeat. Like your mom, I get along with everyone especially her in-laws. However, I received an e-mail from my daughter today that said every other year when she is with her in-laws, maybe we could take a long weekend together mid December and do something fun like go to Manhattan. This led me to believe that I wasn't going to be included. I know it is really selfish, but it hurts a little.

  9. #9599
    Miz Smarty Britches queenb's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I don't think it's selfish at all, I think it's selfish of the other family. With such a large celebration, I absolutely cannot understand why your daughter and son-in-law think it's ok to not insist you be invited. It's not like they would have to provide sleeping arrangements or anything; you could get a hotel and just be there on the big day. I know it sounds like I'm being mean to your daughter, but I don't think you are being treated right in this case.
    I have found the Truth and it doesn't make sense.

  10. #9600
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Elleprn,

    I'm really sorry to hear about this.
    Perhaps, you should have a talk with your daughter and let her know how not being with her at Christmas makes you feel.
    Maybe she just doesn't realize the importance of it and needs to be made aware.
    To Thine Own Self Be True

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