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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #9381
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Salty Babe;4062351;
    I know that is exactly what she wants. She's miserable and wants me to be too. Her homelife is awful, beyond awful. She has been a terrible friend to me lately, so why do I miss her?

    You are the only person who can answer your question.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  2. #9382
    FORT Fogey GuardianAngel's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Salty Babe, you can't control what she does, but you can control your actions. She is not a friend, and she certainly isn't worth getting sick over. She is not doing this to you, you are doing it to yourself. You have to look after yourself, no one is worth getting ill over. I bet if you stop emailing/PM'ing she'll be contacting you again, making you sick again, and the visious circle starts all over again.

    There are many ways to meet new people. Church groups, volunteering, check your local newspaper for different events or functions.

    You are wasting your energy on someone who doesn't care about you. I would have dropped them long time ago. Sending you good vibes to release the negative friendship and make room for new fresh people in your life!

    Speaking of friends, Sunday will be one year that I lost a dear friend to ALS. I have lost many people in my life, aunts uncles grandmothers, even my own father 40 yrs ago when I was only 13 yrs old! but I never lost a friend. It was a very difficult time last year, took months for me to be able to talk or think about him without crying. The last few days, as the anniversary gets closer, I'm feeling the watery eyes again at the thought.

    Keeping everyone with ALS and other horrible diseases in my thoughts.

  3. #9383
    Paging Dr. House Salty Babe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks everyone, you are all angels.

    She isn't a friend. No friend would do this to a friend. I need to keep telling myself that. I wish I wasn't such a sap. My problem is that I give and give and give and expect nothing in return. I am sure she thinks I'll be there if she needs me. Guess what? I won't be.

    I just hate being lonely and missing our good times together. It is nice to know I have friends in cyberspace. Thanks.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  4. #9384
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    GuardianAngel

    Yes, I agree with what you said.

    Salty Babe...walk into the light..I am walking into it, myrosiedog is walking into it...walk with us.

    It is very normal to grieve the loss of a friendship/relationship/marriage (even if they weren't that great of a friend).



    Some would say "God has a better plan for you".
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  5. #9385
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Salty...oh and...

    You're not a sap. You are a good heart and a great friend, and generous to a fault, perhaps.

    But please do not be a doormat or a victim of abusive behavior.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  6. #9386
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Salty Babe;4062635;
    Thanks everyone, you are all angels.

    She isn't a friend. No friend would do this to a friend. I need to keep telling myself that. I wish I wasn't such a sap. My problem is that I give and give and give and expect nothing in return. I am sure she thinks I'll be there if she needs me. Guess what? I won't be.

    I just hate being lonely and missing our good times together. It is nice to know I have friends in cyberspace. Thanks.
    Are you lonely now that she won't talk to you? She's making you sick, she isn't being your friend now, you aren't doing things with her now. So you end the friendship and what changes? You aren't sick anymore, you are free to pursue other things and you're already lonely, so it isn't like that would change because you end the friendship. BUT, you decide if you're lonley or not. Meetups.com is a great way to meet people that you share an interest with. I go to a meditation group I found through meetups.
    Find healthy relationships, not unhealthy ones.

    Believe me I know. I not only just lost a toxic friend and feel nothing but relief, but I cut loose my toxic sister 5 years ago and have no regrets even though it's family.

    Think of yourself and how miserable you are because of her. She's not worth it.
    And you have tons of support here.

    And don't think about it being 20 years long. Some friends are for a lifetime, some for a season and some for a reason. Corny, but that's a saying I saw once and it's true. We have some friends for a long time, some for a short time, some that are confidants, some that are just fun to hang out with every so often. There are all kinds and levels of friends. Sure, I'd love to have a very, very close friend right now. I miss that. But I don't miss the friend. But I do have friends that I can go play cards with a couple times a month and friends that I can go have dinner with and other friends that I can meet for coffee. They may not be people I can share my deep dark secrets with like my close friend. But they are people I can get out and do stuff with. I'll eventually find that a good close friend again, but until then, I can have fun with my casual friends.

    Best of luck. I know it's hard. But you'll feel a lot better once you quit worrying about her. I am willing to bet you've thought about her a LOT more than she's thinking about you right now. And when you can finally give yourself permission to end it and quit thinking about her, you'll realize just how much better your life is.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #9387
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Well said, mrd. I am just beginning to "turn the corner", just like you said. I haven't felt this positive and this good in a long time, even though I still feel so sad and depressed.

    There's another old saying "don't let someone live in your head rent-free" or something like that.

    Make good, hey GREAT, choices for YOU and what makes you happy and fulfilled...and don't look back, except to analyze what happened.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  8. #9388
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Salty Babe;4062635;
    ...She isn't a friend. No friend would do this to a friend. I need to keep telling myself that. I wish I wasn't such a sap. My problem is that I give and give and give and expect nothing in return. I am sure she thinks I'll be there if she needs me. Guess what? I won't be....
    Okay -- I'll step out: "Ditch the b***h!" Sorry (not really sorry), but I've been where you are. She's NOT a friend.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  9. #9389
    Paging Dr. House Salty Babe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You are all wonderful. Thank you for listening.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  10. #9390
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    You are wonderful, too; do not forget that.

    And that is what we are here for...to support each other.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

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