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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #9371
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    That reminds me of something a longtime friend told me recently. Even if you haven't built up a good support system, which is vital, you can give yourself a "self boost". Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are strong, and don't need to put up with [whatever it is], and tell yourself that you are/have whatever it is that you desire. Phrase it in a manner that it already is that way. She even said, scream it at yourself, if need be. It's one way to assert yourself and take charge of your own destiny.

    Everyone is so busy with their own professional and personal lives that often they just can't drop everything and get away to directly help with our personal dilemna. And there are many levels of how they and we can help someone else. When she said that to me, that's when I realized that I'd somehow dropped my positive affirmations!
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  2. #9372
    Paging Dr. House Salty Babe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    The thing that has me so upset is that I have no idea why she isn't talking to me. I have racked my brain trying to figure out just what I have done and come up empty.

    She is the kind of person who ignores everyone when she is depressed, so this is normal, but it has gone on a long time, even for her. I don't bother calling because I know that she won't return my calls and she won't answer my emails. I am not going to beg her to talk to me. I know I should just drop her, but we have been friends for 20 years and she is like a sister to me. I'm depressed, angry and heartbroken. I'm not used to being such a mess. Thanks to her, my ulcer is killing me and I am having odd, frightening stomach issues because I am so stressed out and upset.

    She has decided to make herself at home on a message board I love and refuses to leave it, even though, on some level, she has to know how much this hurts me. She won't answer my pms. I'm not going to make a stink about it on the boards because when she is angry she is the devil and will make my life a living hell there. I am pretty sure my freinds on the board would stick up for me if she started anything, since I have been a member there for quite awhile. She just joined a few monthes ago.

    I don't know what to do. I feel as if my attempts at contact are just making her mad. I miss her. I don't have many friends in the area. I'm sad and sick at heart.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  3. #9373
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Salty, you could drive yourself crazy (or medically sick, as you mention ulcers) trying to figure out the "why". Unless you get insights, the only way to know "why" is to ask her, and you've said that she will just ignore you (presumably until/unless she becomes ready to respond).

    I am sending good and healing thoughts for you.

    I would discourage you from arguing on message boards. There are usually rules against it, and you probably don't want to alienate anyone (even if you're "right") or get in trouble. Let the admin/mods handle it, if she antagonizes you online.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  4. #9374
    Paging Dr. House Salty Babe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I don't think she would antagonize me on the boards, she isn't that stupid. I am not going to start anything with her, either. I'm a mod on a board she knows nothing about (and if she does find it, she won't get far) so I know all about fighting with other posters. I'm not confrontational anyway.

    I am angry, really angry with her at this point. She knows that when I am stressed my health suffers and I am blaming her for all this crap I am dealing with physically right now. I am just so confused as to why she is doing this to me. I have done nothing to her.

    Thanks Velvet. I am not used to being such a mess.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  5. #9375
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I've realized that I've been giving my certain someone too much power (by internalizing their words and letting their words and actions affect my well-being).

    If you are very sensitive (as I am), this is easy to do, but it is possible to "put up shields", learn to say "no" and stand up for yourself. It sounds like you are on a good start of standing up for yourself.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  6. #9376
    Go Teams! inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Sometimes we simply outgrow friendships that we have had for a long period of time.
    It sounds as though you may have become too dependent on this one friendship.
    Give your friendship a break, and then after you both have had some healing time, revisit the friendship. During the break, you might find other friends that are more suited to you at this time in your life. While it is great to share our past with old friends, its not always healthy for either one of you, too many reminders of a bad or hurtful past. It can keep you from growing into the wonderful person you are suppose to be. And you do have friends here.

  7. #9377
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Be determined to be/act happy! It will drive her crazy!!! I think she is enjoying seeing you miserable...gives her a superior feeling of control. I think you are playing right into her hands.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  8. #9378
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Salty,

    I've had similar experiences with friends and I tend to agree with Inthegarden.
    Sometimes, people do just out grow each other. They may not even know why, but one just has to move on.
    Unfortunately, sometimes people may not even know why they're discarding someone, so if you try to question them, they may just not respond. I've had people do that, too.
    There are many out there more than eager to find you and share your loyalty. I hope you find them.
    To Thine Own Self Be True

  9. #9379
    Paging Dr. House Salty Babe's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay;4062343;
    Be determined to be/act happy! It will drive her crazy!!! I think she is enjoying seeing you miserable...gives her a superior feeling of control. I think you are playing right into her hands.
    I know that is exactly what she wants. She's miserable and wants me to be too. Her homelife is awful, beyond awful. She has been a terrible friend to me lately, so why do I miss her?
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  10. #9380
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Salty Babe;4062351;
    I know that is exactly what she wants. She's miserable and wants me to be too. Her homelife is awful, beyond awful. She has been a terrible friend to me lately, so why do I miss her?
    Probably because you felt fulfilled by helping her, but without consciously realizing that she was an emotional vampire, draining you.

    Plus I'm sure, like everyone, she has good points, and you miss the good times.

    But calculate the percentage of good times to bad times, and that may help you break free.

    This is what I've been thinking and feeling lately about my own situation.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

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