Talk about your troubles

[DesertRose]

MRD, I'm sorry I have no words either. My only hope is that not to far away in the future you will realize that this change was a good one. And maybe you don't feel strong now, but it will make you stronger.

Thank you all for the kind words. Growing up, you know that one day you'll probably end up having to take care of your parents. I guess I never realized that it might happen before my kids even start school.

Gut, I'm having more trouble with the mental changes my father is undergoing than the physical ones. He is also becoming more childish and mean spirited. Is it anger at his disease or his meds bringing out the worst in him? Who knows.

PGM, I'm well aware of the addiction inducing drug you mentionned. In Canada, it's labelled under the name Mirapex. My father's addiction, fortunately will not render him penniless, but it might injure him. He is addicted to fishing (always loved it) and does not want to realize that wadding waist deep in a river on slippery rocks is not a good idea when you can't even sit and not fall down. The doctor says he's impulsive, so he has now phased it out. We are one week in without the pill and my mom is already seeing a difference in him. She says he's less stubborn. Please PM me if you need to talk more.

[Tilden]

Another suggestion is to let her share an environment where there are children. It can be the park, a school or if you think it appropriate a children's hospital or ward. Or you can bring a child or children to visit her. Children signify hope, and also, sometimes interacting with children whether they are well or sick can teach us lessons. Sometimes it's just the simple and uncluttered way they see and express things. My b est to you and Grandma.

I'm new to this conversation, but I've been volunteering at a nursing home for over eight years, doing pet therapy with my dog. If your grandmother ever had any interest in pets--a dog, a cat, a bird, anything--bring one by to see her. It doesn't have to be a certified therapy dog (mine isn't certified, because there was just nowhere nearby to do that when we started, and the nursing home doesn't require that he be certified). Any dog (or cat or whatever) that's gentle and well-behaved can still raise the spirits of someone who's feeling low. I can't tell you how many times I've had a resident tell the dog that he/she was having such a bad day until he stopped by. I've also had residents who haven't talked in days, or even weeks, talk to the dog, and it's amazing how many people suffering with Alzheimer's disease will react positively to the dog, share stories about their own pets, and remember the dog's name the next time they see him, even when they have difficulty remembering the names of their relatives. I'm told part of it has to do with the dog engaging so many of their senses at once--they can hear him, see him, touch him etc. I prefer to think it's because dogs are magic, but that's just me. Certainly, I'm by far the less important of the two of us when we're at the nursing home. If he could drive, I'd be completely superfluous.

[Ellen]

Hi, MRD. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just want to let you know that I read your post, believe you, and understand you. I've felt that way before and hearing "you're strong" didn't help. Vent away -- and I'll read, believe, and understand.

[Lil Bit]

MRD - What you've been going through sucks. There's no other word for it. I really, really hope that things start looking up for you. God knows I understand how hard it is to find a job, but keep looking for something that will fit you better. And don't worry about venting here. If it helps, vent away. People who don't like it don't have to read it.

[Mariner]

mrd,

It does suck and you have every right to be pissed off and unhappy. Owning a jack russell myself, I'm not sure Rosie and Bogey would be the best candidates for it, but I'm wondering if maybe you could take Tilden's idea for Superbrat and adapt it for your looking for a fun way to spend your weekends. Heck, maybe you could even volunteer to do some of your Southern history lectures at a local retirement community. I bet that would be fun for you. I know you are a bit short on cash but I used to love to go to a movie matinee by myself on Saturday or Sunday afternoon. For the matinee price and a diet coke and maybe a large popcorn, I had a great time. Heck, I don't know if the Tampa area still has drive-in movies, but I used to go with my single friends (not that long ago) to a double feature at a drive in. We'd bring a cooler and snacks and it wasn't very expensive. Sometimes, we'd even bring dogs. They were delighted to participate. I don't have anything against going out to a bar if it's to have a few drinks and talk to my friends and maybe play some darts or pool. Spending time with friends at a bar who were trolling for someone to pick them up or pay for their drinks would horrify me at this point in my life.

[brunette trixie]

I've also had residents who haven't talked in days, or even weeks, talk to the dog, and it's amazing how many people suffering with Alzheimer's disease will react positively to the dog, share stories about their own pets, and remember the dog's name the next time they see him, even when they have difficulty remembering the names of their relatives. I'm told part of it has to do with the dog engaging so many of their senses at once--they can hear him, see him, touch him etc. I prefer to think it's because dogs are magic, but that's just me. Certainly, I'm by far the less important of the two of us when we're at the nursing home. If he could drive, I'd be completely superfluous.

I agree with that statement!


mrd, I'm sorry you're feeling so upset and discouraged right now. But I think it's good that you are allowing yourself to feel all those negative emotions. I think it would be worse for you to deny/bury all those emotions and have them explode at a later time.

I wish I knew the right words of encouragement, but I think only time will help these wounds.

[Tilden]

[QUOTE=Mariner;4046867;]mrd, Owning a jack russell myself, I'm not sure Rosie and Bogey would be the best candidates for it, but I'm wondering if maybe you could take Tilden's idea for Superbrat and adapt it for your looking for a fun way to spend your weekends. Heck, maybe you could even volunteer to do some of your Southern history lectures at a local retirement community. Hey, my dog is a terrier mix--terriers make great therapy dogs. Actually, any breed or mix can be a therapy dog. It's more about the dog's personality than anything else. However, senior citizen organizations and retirement communities can always use volunteers of any kind, whether it's someone to give a lecture or teach a craft or just chat with people. For that matter, there are often state or county groups who keep lists of people willing to do presentations on topics of general interest. I can't tell you how many times I've given family folklore presentations for church groups, genealogical societies, and museums. There's always the possibility of teaching a class through community education programs. Around here, at least, they can be anything from a one evening only offering to a course that lasts several weeks. Taking a community education class is always a possibility too. They usually aren't terribly expensive and come in a wide variety of topics. We have free outdoor movies too, as well as summer noontime concerts, though we're approaching the end of those. Libraries and museums often have low cost or free movies, presentations, art exhibits etc. too. Local colleges may have events that are relatively cheap or free too, such as student recitals or art exhibits. Even college theatre productions aren't typically that expensive. Football or basketball tickets can be pricey but sports that are less popular (often, sadly, the women's sports) may be less expensive. We're also lucky enough to host a state festival of the book in September, an event where everything other than the dinner events are entirely free. Like a lot of places, there are a ton of fall craft fairs, ethnic festivals, college homecoming parades, and small town autumn/harvest festivals too, virtually all of them free except for whatever you might wish to buy to eat or take home with you. In a two week period, the choir in which I sing is performing at two separate free arts festivals in local comunities. There's often a lot more to do than one might think. A good place to check for possibilities is chamber of commerce and local tourism websites.

[Cootie]

Hi, MRD. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I just want to let you know that I read your post, believe you, and understand you. I've felt that way before and hearing "you're strong" didn't help. Vent away -- and I'll read, believe, and understand.

Ellen, your words are exactly how I feel about our MRD...

MRD, I hope that we can console you unconditionally through your grief. Hopefully the flower girl shopping will offer you some relief from your sad time.

I got about 10 hours of sleep today because I couldn't face my issues. I thought I would feel better after sleeping so long but I don't. I don't have any words of wisdom for you MRD. I guess the only thing that can be done is face one day, just one day and wait until the next day comes around to face that one too.

Bug, you have been an inspiration to me. I imagine that the load on you has gotten so heavy, I wish that you could have gone to Disneyland and had some fun time with your son. How sweet that he wanted you to come with him! I hope he had a great time at Disneyland.

[Gutmutter]

Bug - I'm keeping my guardian angel for Victor avatar. Sometimes sleeping through the pain is the best strategy.
MRD - "This, too, shall pass." Some day you will look back...
Actually, when my 3 kids were little -and one of them was extremely difficult - I used this mind trick that really worked for me: I would imagine that I was an old woman and I had just made a wish that I could spend one day with my children again when they were young - and my wish had just come true...
Somehow that would jolt me into the proper perspective to appreciate my precious gifts. Maybe if you could think of a way to rewrite the script for your situation. Like, imagine you are old and sick and you just wished that you could have one day back when you were young and healthy, and your wish just came true.

[famita]

MRD, you know we love you and would take your pain away if we could. The hardest times for friends is when one of them is hurting and you can't do anything to make them feel better. Just know we're here.

Bug, I believe in the power of sleep. Victor remains in my prayers.

Gut, what a nifty idea! All the times that I was frustrated when the boys were young and fighting w/each other. I always said a little prayer to myself about tomorrow being better (or even different). What I wouldn't give sometimes for another day when they were small!