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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #9171
    Cy Young 2010 Mariner's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm so glad to hear that bug's son made it through surgery. Now, I'm crossing my fingers (and toes) that he recovers quickly and is able to spend some time with his buddies and just enjoying life for as long as possible. Maybe we should all write Disney and tell them this is one of those times they should rent out the room in the castle.

    mrd, dating in your 40's isn't quite that bad although it can be comical. A lot has changed since that ridiculous Newsweek article about being killed by a terrorist being more likely than getting married. You'll know when you are ready to see what's out there. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom. Have cereal for dinner. Spend the weekend in your pajamas reading whatever you want to and pampering the dogs once you get them. Join netflix and rent your favorite tv series and watch an entire season in two days. Enjoy time with your friends. Take long walks on the beach early in the morning before it gets too hot. Take the job in the industry you don't like just to get through and explore things you actually want to do. It's not a dead end. It's just a means to an end.
    "I miss Darva Conger." - Phonegrrrl

  2. #9172
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Sorry to hear this mrd. Sounds like a similar story and I was worried when I first heard about this that this was the case. In my case (DH was chatting and texting with a woman he met in a chat room), I ended up getting involved rather soon. I see the bills for the phone and when it showed THAT many texts, I got the phone to check it out. He kept all the exchanges including pictures. When confronted, he had no intention of ever meeting her (or so he said). It's still an emotional affair. He stopped when I removed texting and internet from the phone. Been working out for us so far. I know that's not an option for everyone.

    I got over my divorce as soon as I left him. Once I made that decision, I didn't look back. You've gotten some great advice here! And I ditto - It's HIS loss!

  3. #9173
    Lux et Veritas chrisg's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Bug, it made my day to hear that your son made it through surgery well. The one thing medicine can never assess is the strength of the human spirit. Thinking of your entire family and visualizing health around you and I gave Victor's name to my Mom for her prayer group.

    MRD, I'm sorry things didn't work out but you really gave it your all and should be proud of that and that you are embarking on this new adventure in FL. It is so courageous and I hope you're able to bring the dogs down soon. And keep writing us long middle of the night posts because it might help you to just get things out. You are going to have your pick of guys with your great personality and wonderful caring heart when you're ready for that.
    "Do you want to change the world?...Think Different, Be Different...Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish…Now, let’s go invent tomorrow.” – Steven Paul Jobs

  4. #9174
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    mrd, I am so sorry for the struggle you are having. Your previous post announcing your impending move to Florida had a more positive spin but this most recent one reveals your more fearful side - you are strong and the more you tap into the positive side of the change, it should help you. And if you can live that life of free choice in your every day world as Mariner so creatively suggested, it is quite possible that your health ailments can be lessened, right? Especially if stress brings them on. To be realistic, there will be challenges for you, but you have support of many who can help you. You are bright, creative and funny and those attributes can take you places.

    I just finished painting my bedroom and while doing that I listened to the audio book Eat, Pray, Love in which the author deals with the end of two relationships, her marriage and then one with her soul mate. The experience of working on my bedroom (long neglected) and painting it a beautiful color while listening to the author struggle with the loss of being together with someone was uplifting to me. One of the most important realizations that Elizabeth Gilbert came to was that she needed to find peace with herself first in order to live a fulfilling life. We hear that often, but many of us neglect ourselves in the process of being caught up in a relationship or being a parent. I hope that during this time of healing, you can find that peace and also that your husband will get his life straightened out. It seems that he needs to do whatever he is doing??

    Take care of yourself mrd You always have us here at the FORT.

  5. #9175
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Just out of curiosity, and I hope this is not rude, how old were you when you married?

    I know what you mean about needing your parents. My last surviving parent (my mother) died about 5 years after I married and I was very frustrated at how much I needed my mother's words and wisdom when I divorced and became a mother, basically, raising her child alone.

    At least you don't have to deal with the custody/child support issues, at this point. That's a good thing. I was fortunate to be able to have the child support monies taken directly out of his paychecks/pension checks which cut down on the unpleasantness of having to deal with him or having to listen to the lies/excuses about why the money was not available that month. Don't know if you can get the direct deposit with spousal support, but try to get that if you can. It can make your life much less frustrating.

    And, if it helps, my ex- was just a regular, non-technical whore! You're going to be fine. YOU CAN DO IT!! Work on developing the mindset that you will succeed. There is no better revenge than success!
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  6. #9176
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I do not mean to imply that your hubby was a whore, since I think you said that he and the woman had never met....just acknowledging that mine was.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #9177
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MRD, you're getting great advice (and I'm not even implying that my advice was the best!). I'm going on my first date since I met my ex in 1978 (divorced in 1985). I'm finally ready. And I have taken the time to actually like myself and appreciate who I am. I'm now ready because if it doesn't work out, I'm still going to be ok.

    Bug and Bug's family, so glad to hear that things are steady at this point. Still sending strength, healing thoughts and prayers.

  8. #9178
    PWS
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    First, bug, what good news....I hope Victor can fully enjoy the upcoming months and I hope years.

    mrd---Jeepers...you know, you joked about that CT scan, but it might not be a joke. I'm sorry, but your ex sounds CRAZY, no other word for it. He's leaving his family for a lesbian he's never met...yeah, this is gonna work! If you put that in a TV show it would only work in a divorced from reality comedy, not a drama! Doesn't he have any male friends to beat some sense into him? Or drag him to an MRI? Not that you'd want him back at this point probably anyway, but your poor daughter must be thinking men are insane...not a great way to enter marriage.

    I really feel for you. It's bad enough, scary new things, but depressing old things are the worst. At least, I hope, the job gives you health benefits--think of it that you are working for them... and then keep an eye out for evening classes, online classes, and the like to keep plugging away at the degree. And also start thinking how you could use those same skills in another less painful field... or in another office in a better climate in the same field... The internet is your friend, and not just because of FORT! And as everyone said, vent away! You've been the stiff upper lip through all kinds of situations that would have wiped out a lot of us, so melt(down) away! We are happy to listen and throw advice at you, maybe some even helpful.
    Last edited by PWS; 07-22-2010 at 03:49 PM.

  9. #9179
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MRD,

    I just saw your posting and I'm so sorry for the turn of events.
    The move to FL sounds like a perfect match. You've got a great support system there that will be of great assistance to you.
    Take time for yourself, though, right now and enjoy your independence.
    To Thine Own Self Be True

  10. #9180
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Mrd, Change is horribly scary for humans. Its in our biological makeup to fear the unknown. But you should remember that change is rarely as bad as we think its going to be. Change often improves our lives. Two years ago, my husband and I fretted all the time about what would happen if he lost his job (his company was laying off people by the hundreds). Then a year ago, it happened. And it wasn't that bad. We struggled through for 9 months until he got another job, and we were fine. He likes his new job better and its far less stress. Your life may not be what you thought it was going to be, but you have a chance to build a whole new life that you can be really excited about. I've went down so many wrong roads and made so many mistakes in my life, but I've found that unless you are dead or in jail, its never too late to start again.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

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