+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree1963Likes

Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #8811
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    3,449

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3811629;
    My sister and I haven't spoken in 5 years. Very similar situation that just got worse and worse. Finally got where she would just say NASTY things to me. Once our parents were gone, it got really, really bad. I do NOT feel guilty for removing her from my life. It was a toxic relationship and I am better off not having her in my life.
    Just because it's family doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Granted my situation is extreme. I hate that you are going through this. You can try talking to her. Or giving her distance and hoping that time will change things. But if you feel you have to do what I did, don't feel guilty.
    I look at things this way. My sister is missing out on a pretty terrific sister and neice because of how she acted. I am missing out on anger, resentment, close mindedness, etc. It's HER loss, not mine.
    I'm touched that you cared enough to share this with me! Thanks! It helps a lot!

  2. #8812
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Nap Time
    Posts
    13,524

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I belong to a discussion group that meets monthly. One time a woman talked about a brother she has had long-term issues with and she said she framed a picture of him and has it in a prominent place where she can sit and look at the picture and send him love. She claims that has opened her heart so that when she does have to deal with him, she already has a warm spot prepared to respond gently. Maybe not for everyone, but it was so lovely the way she described it.
    Count your blessings!

  3. #8813
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I like that Gut.
    Fortunately, I have a relationship with 2 of my sisters 3 grown children. I like that we still speak. They are terrific men. So she's not all bad, she raised some great kids. She just is a very bitter person and I don't need that. I really don't have any resentment towards her either. I'm just happy that I don't have that negativity in my life.

    I've just never subscribed to that theory that because they are family you HAVE to have a relationship with them, even if it's a bad one.
    No, I don't. I don't need any toxic or negative relationships in my life. Life is too short to be miserable. Or to be made miserable by miserable people whether they are blood or not.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #8814
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Among the flowers
    Posts
    1,403

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by RealityLovesMe;3810490;
    Oh thanks. She is young. But I think she has a personality disorder and it will only get worse as she ages. And it has been getting worse through the years. She is 22. I love the idea of "blood is thicker than water" but if family brings me down, then I'll take the water. If that makes sense. Thanks for the support!

    Just jumping in with a similar situation. My sister and I are both now seniors, but we have not gotten along since we were children. She was jealous of me (I am the older) for reasons I have never understood, but she also never got along with our parents. Over the years it was somewhat easier as we live on opposite ends of the country, but eventually the relationship got worse and eroded to the point where I told her not to e-mail me anymore.

    If your sister needs therapy, is there someone who can gently get her to the help she needs? I agree with you that blood is not thicker than water, and I also believe as you get older that "friends are the family we make for ourselves."

  5. #8815
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Among the flowers
    Posts
    1,403

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3812148;
    I like that Gut.
    Fortunately, I have a relationship with 2 of my sisters 3 grown children. I like that we still speak. They are terrific men. So she's not all bad, she raised some great kids. She just is a very bitter person and I don't need that. I really don't have any resentment towards her either. I'm just happy that I don't have that negativity in my life.

    I've just never subscribed to that theory that because they are family you HAVE to have a relationship with them, even if it's a bad one.
    No, I don't. I don't need any toxic or negative relationships in my life. Life is too short to be miserable. Or to be made miserable by miserable people whether they are blood or not.
    MRD -- I absolutely agree with you 100%. Life is too short to be miserable.

  6. #8816
    FORT Fogey GuardianAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Niagara Falls Canada
    Posts
    4,586

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Ana, I'm so saddened to read about the horrific fire and the loss of a beautiful young man. The saddness is slightly lessened to know the community is helping in every way. When you hear of unfortunate situations such as a fire, you see the true caring nature of a community come to life, its heartwarming.

    My prayers to his family and friends.

  7. #8817
    FORT Fogey GuardianAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Niagara Falls Canada
    Posts
    4,586

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I have a sister that is 5 yrs older than me, and I would have no idea what I would do without her, my BIL and my neices nephews and their children. I speak to her several times a week, and see her often.

    I have a mother, who is in her late 70's, who has an incredible sense of humour and love very much. We have had one bad argument a few years ago, but it quickly resolved itself. Other than that, I have never had any arguments issues with either one of them. I see/speak to my mom regularly.

    I have another sister who is 4 yrs younger then me, and it doesn't matter to me if I ever speak to her or not. She has been nothing but trouble in all her years. If I see her, I'm polite, I try to include her in conversations at family gatherings, however I don't see her or speak to her on a regular basis. We/I have had my share of trying to help her in many ways, bottom line is if you don't want to change your life for the better, it won't work. I know I have gone out of my way over the years to help her, that stopped several years ago when I decided my/our efforts are fruitless.

  8. #8818
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Among the flowers
    Posts
    1,403

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Guardian Angel -- I can relate to your post. You can only bang your head on the wall so much and then you have to stop because it hurts so much. Been there; done that.

    I never did subscribe to the "blood is thicker than water" theory anyhow.

  9. #8819
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Got over 3 inches of snow which pretty much shuts this city down. Have to move this weekend in this. And everyone that promised to help, can't get here because of icy roads. ARGH!!!!
    I am so overwhelmed at the moment I want to cry.
    Trying to pack, move and keep up with school is proving to be impossible. I've sent emails to my professors and while they are sympathtic, the deadlines remain the same. This will not be a dean's list semester I'm afraid.
    I just wish it was this time next week, as the move would be over. I'd still be unpacking, but the worst would be over and the snow would be melted and gone.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #8820
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,576

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I wish I could be there to help you. I moved one time during an actual blizzard, and I still remember what a pain it was. Take it one day at a time, or one moment at a time if you have to. Good luck, and know that there are a lot of people sending prayers and good thoughts your way.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.