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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #7441
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I love that about true friends, mrd. So true!

    famita, about the grieving...You know, until someone experiences a tragic loss, they have no idea what you're going through. No idea. I was the same way. I always felt bad about it when someone died, but I never knew how gutwrenching it truly was until it happened to me. When I lost my baby (and sorry for bringing this up again), one friend never called, never sent a card, never offered me a shoulder to cry on. I ran into her about 8 months after the baby died and she said, "I hope you realize I was there for you." ??? How would I have known that? I had called her to tell her about the loss and she NEVER called me back. A true friend would've made the effort to make sure I was OK not because that's her responsibility, but because that's what friends do. After my father passed away, another friend disappeared like the wind. It became all about her. She called me a couple days after he passed away--and she knew about his passing because I had called to tell her--and asked me what was new. !!! I told her I was making arrangements for my father's funeral. She left a few messages for me a few weeks later apologizing for being an insensitive a-hole and I told her it was alright, but in my heart, I had already written her off. Again, not because of this one incident, but because it was the culmination of a lot of things.

    Some people are just takers. I think each of us deserves/needs to be a taker at some point in our lives. But it has to be balanced out by giving. That's what true friends do.

    ETA:
    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3264924;
    I may be flattering myself that they want me around, but if my really good friends are in trouble, I assume that they need support. And same goes for those that maybe aren't really good friends, but just friends.
    I'm only using you to get to your cooking...
    Last edited by Lois Lane; 01-05-2009 at 11:00 AM.

  2. #7442
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Hey, I have a question for all you legal beagles out there. I just found out that my son had a checking account in Ga. One person told me I was beneficiary, another told me they (the bank) weren't set up like that. In order to find out what was in the account and how to get it out, I have to get a letter of testimentary. Any clue? What about cost?

  3. #7443
    LG.
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm not sure, but here is a link to responses to a question about letters of testimentary from lawguru.com

    https://www.lawguru.com/cgi/bbs/mess...3253226&view=a

    good luck.

    My limited knowledge of bank accounts is that unless the account was set up as POD (payable on death) to someone else, then it goes into the person's estate, and the bank can require certain documents from the executor to release the funds, probably this letter. Good luck.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  4. #7444
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;3264973;
    I love that about true friends, mrd. So true!

    famita, about the grieving...You know, until someone experiences a tragic loss, they have no idea what you're going through. No idea. I was the same way. I always felt bad about it when someone died, but I never knew how gutwrenching it truly was until it happened to me. When I lost my baby (and sorry for bringing this up again), one friend never called, never sent a card, never offered me a shoulder to cry on. I ran into her about 8 months after the baby died and she said, "I hope you realize I was there for you." ??? How would I have known that? I had called her to tell her about the loss and she NEVER called me back. A true friend would've made the effort to make sure I was OK not because that's her responsibility, but because that's what friends do. After my father passed away, another friend disappeared like the wind. It became all about her. She called me a couple days after he passed away--and she knew about his passing because I had called to tell her--and asked me what was new. !!! I told her I was making arrangements for my father's funeral. She left a few messages for me a few weeks later apologizing for being an insensitive a-hole and I told her it was alright, but in my heart, I had already written her off. Again, not because of this one incident, but because it was the culmination of a lot of things.

    Some people are just takers. I think each of us deserves/needs to be a taker at some point in our lives. But it has to be balanced out by giving. That's what true friends do.

    ETA:

    I'm only using you to get to your cooking...
    That's ok because I know you aren't friends with me because you're after my money. And my friends benefit from my cooking. A lot. You may not want to be my friend as most have gained weight knowing me.

    I think that in ANY relationship there are takers and givers. I know that friends are like marriages. We'd like it to be a 50-50 relationship, but there are times when it's 70-30 or 90-10 and vice versa. So any relationship has its times when someone gives and someone takes. But a healthy relationship is usually balanced out by the people being both the giver and the taker when it's their turn to be. Does that make any sense???

    Famita, good luck with your legal issues. I know you will be relieved when all the paperwork and legal issues are over and done with.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #7445
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I've found that my friendship (and everybody else's) is a very valuable commodity, and I don't give it out easily. Anything that is too easy can be perceived as cheap. I've learned to pick my 'friends' very, very carefully. I like having many acquaintences, but my true friends are very few. It pays to be very selective, and that is not an overnight process.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  6. #7446
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    A good friend would kill for you.
    A true friend would help bury the bodies.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  7. #7447
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I think one of the best benefits of aging - 'cause there aren't that many - is that you no longer feel the need to have so many "friends", especially those who are not in your best interests. Unfortunately, women can be petty, jealous and insecure. Relationships should make us feel better about ourselves, not worse.

  8. #7448
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I completely agree norealityhere. As I've gotten older, I have dropped many "friends" who really weren't ever my friends. They were only around when they needed something from me.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  9. #7449
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover;3265244;
    I completely agree norealityhere. As I've gotten older, I have dropped many "friends" who really weren't ever my friends. They were only around when they needed something from me.
    And amen to that.

  10. #7450
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    When I lost weight 3 years ago I lost my "best" friend too. She was overweight too, although not nearly as large as I was. The more weight I lost, the less time she had to spend with me until I realized that she was making up the most lame excuses to not hang out with me. It hurt a lot at the time, and to be truthful, it still does. I saw her at Walmart last weekend and talked to her a little, but she was so distant and almost hostile towards me that it really made me sad. I wonder how I could have been so wrong about her. I thought I was a better judge of character than that.

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