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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #7431
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks proshay, mrd, and Critical! Mr pgm said that he didn't see why it mattered to me so much and why I ever hung around with them in the first place. He attended some "functions" with me and his take on it is that they are all materialistic, yuppie-ish, and want to be seen as the "in" crowd. I don't fit into that mold! The sad thing is that my problem is that I tried too hard to fit in with them and look where it got me. Ridiculed. I know people say, it's not always about you, but the text proved that things had been said behind my back so how do I take that - it is about me. I am not sure who else was included in the text but she said it was to 1 person (and these 2 are a couple of the ones I really trusted!) but I think other "texts" have probably been exchanged.

    Again, thanks for listening and yes, my resolution is to do away with the people that bring me down and make new, healthier friendships!

  2. #7432
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My husband has said the same thing about some of my friends before and sadly I didn't listen to him and learned the hard way.

    However (and not to dis men here), but i think men see friendship completely differently than women see it. And men don't necessarily open themselves up to their guy friends like women do to their women friends.
    Which is another reason why it took my husband so long to understand my need of close friends.

    Well you know you are a terrific person and it's their loss and one day when they need a real friend, they'll wonder why they don't really have one.

    Being with the in crowd is so overrated anyway. Like you said most of them are materialistic and snobbish and juvenile.

    I hang with MY crowd and as far as I'm concerned they ARE the "in" crowd.

    I'm so sorry you had to get ridiculed by people you thought were your friends. But on to bigger and better things and like you said, healthier relationships.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  3. #7433
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    pgm, your "friend" who sent that derogatory text...it truly says a lot more about her than it does about you. Be thankful that you found out about it and know her true colors. Can you imagine if you had made the effort to be a good friend to her in 2009? Think of all the time you would've wasted. She sounds like a person who can only feel good about herself by tearing others down. My guess is that if she's not saying nasty things about you, she's saying it about others.

    I had a couple of friends who apparently had been making fun of me, but they were so stupid that they sent it to me (via email). (This was a while ago, before texting was available! I'm old school! ) I cc'd both of them and said, "Not cool, guys. Not cool." And I listened to them backtrack and apologize but the whole exchange just verified what I had known all along--I didn't want to be friends with them anymore. Not because of that one incident, but because it was the culmination of a lot of little things (using me to give them rides around town all the time, going out to do things and excluding me, being jealous when guys paid attention to me and ignored them (hey, I may be old now but I was cute way back when! ).

    This has been a LONG time since I had contact with any of them and honestly, I do not miss them at all. NOT AT ALL.

    I have some amazing friends--some that I met in grammar school, others in high school, others in college, and others from the work force. I don't talk to some for months, but when we do, it always feels very natural and unforced. These are the friends who are always there for me, whether it's to share happy news or sad news. It took me a while to realize that the quality of friends is so much better than the quantity of friends.

    Anyhow, I know your feelings are hurt, but if I were you, I would thank God that they are no longer a part of your life and also be grateful that you won't have that kind of drama to bog you down in 2009.

    And thus concludes my first sermon of 2009...

  4. #7434
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks again mrd. and AMEN Lois!

  5. #7435
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    PGM, sounds like a "little" jealousy is involved. As much as it might nurt right now, just think how much better you'll feel knowing you didn't stoop to their level! Bless their hearts, they can't help their ignorance! Lois, I've no doubt you were (and are) a cutie! I feel empowered when I make a decision to cut ties when they're the right reasons (I'm not getting any benefit from a relationship). I've had friends that have backed off from me this past year because they don't know how to handle me with my past year. I have been contacting them little by little to see how they want to continue our friendship. And some of them might feel that I've grieved enough- that I won't fall apart at the drop of a hat-and I'm fine with that because they couldn't know me very well and I'll be better off without them. Or they could be a surface friend or pal.

  6. #7436
    FORT Fogey ElizabethG's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by PGM35;3264864;
    Thanks proshay, mrd, and Critical! Mr pgm said that he didn't see why it mattered to me so much and why I ever hung around with them in the first place. He attended some "functions" with me and his take on it is that they are all materialistic, yuppie-ish, and want to be seen as the "in" crowd. I don't fit into that mold! The sad thing is that my problem is that I tried too hard to fit in with them and look where it got me. Ridiculed. I know people say, it's not always about you, but the text proved that things had been said behind my back so how do I take that - it is about me. I am not sure who else was included in the text but she said it was to 1 person (and these 2 are a couple of the ones I really trusted!) but I think other "texts" have probably been exchanged.

    Again, thanks for listening and yes, my resolution is to do away with the people that bring me down and make new, healthier friendships!
    Amen to that! I have found myself in the exact sort of situation and just decided life is too short to put up with back-stabbing faux "friends". Good for you! Besides, you can always come to the FoRT.....I think of all of ya'll as true friends and I'm pretty sure many of the other FoRTers do too.
    I enjoy the escapism of reality television. Beats the heck out of worrying about your REAL life!!

  7. #7437
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Lois, you can preach to me anytime! Great serman, Amen!

    Famita, I have never understood the people that back off from you when you experience a loss. It may be that they don't know how to act, but I've always found it better to just put myself there for the person and if they don't want what I'm offering, then I figure they'll tell me. I could never leave a friend who was grieving or in need. I may be flattering myself that they want me around, but if my really good friends are in trouble, I assume that they need support. And same goes for those that maybe aren't really good friends, but just friends.

    I hope you are able to reestablish ties with those friends this year and if not, then you know who you can count on when times are tough and who not to count on. It's always better to know who your true friends are.

    And Famita, I love that "bless their heart, they can't help their ignorance". How true.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  8. #7438
    FORT Fogey ElizabethG's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3264895;
    I hang with MY crowd and as far as I'm concerned they ARE the "in" crowd.
    Attagirl MRD!!! Love your attitude about this....I wanna be your peep!!
    I enjoy the escapism of reality television. Beats the heck out of worrying about your REAL life!!

  9. #7439
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Sorry to double post, but here's an email I got a few years ago and saved because, well it says it all about friends:

    A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.
    A true friend will always tell the truth.

    A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
    A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

    A good friend will be there for you all through school.
    A true friend will be there till the day you die.

    A good friend will bail you out of jail.
    A true friend will be sitting next to you saying
    "damn that was fun!".

    A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
    A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

    A good friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.
    A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

    A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
    A true friend could blackmail you with it.

    A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
    A true friend calls you after you had a fight.

    A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
    A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself.

    A good friend has never seen you cry.
    A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

    A good friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
    A true friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

    A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
    A true friend expects to always be there for you.

    A good friend is someone you enjoy hanging out with.
    A true friend is someone you need.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #7440
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    May we all be true friends this year!

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