Talk about your troubles - Page 7

Muduh · 09-10-2004, 11:46 PM

Goodness you all have so many problems that I hate to lay mine on you. Anyone who wants to pm or email me, feel free. If I can help I sure will.
This may not be the best place for this, but who cares?
Many of you already know that my father in law has literally been at deaths door forever. My sister in law called Tuesday afternoon, crying. I assumed the end had come for their dad. Not so. My husband's younger brother had had a massive heart attack and died. He was 54.
I had always liked him until about three years ago. He was 14 when we married and I considered him my little brother too. He married five years later and we had babies in the same year. His wife and I were (and are) best friends. They went through a bitter divorce a few years ago and he wanted every family member to write her off. Since she had done nothing to me, I was the hold out. We're still close.
The night of the visitation she and I stayed together and visited with friends they had had together. My husband stayed with his mother and sister. Fine.
Yesterday at the funeral I sat with her, my husband with the family. At the cemetery my brother in laws present wife, who I sincerely hope I never lay eyes on again, walked up while I was visiting with a woman and told the woman that everyone was going to "her" house and they were invited. We weren't and I felt bad for my husband. He would have liked to be with his family. I told him to go on and I would go over to his aunts (across the road from the cemetery). He wouldn't do that, wasn't invited anyway, and the two of us went out to lunch and back to our motel.
This morning we went out to tell his parents goodbye and they were getting his dad ready for another trip to the ER. The ambulance came and got him and we went to stay with him until other family members could come. They all arrived about an hour and a half later and immediately decided to all go out to lunch. His sister said that we could stay there till they got back. We finally got to leave about three o'clock.
I really would like to just stay away from them. I know I owe it to him to help some but I don't want to go as often as we have. Last year we spent every holiday there so that his sister and brother in law could get away. We spent a week there at Christmas and they didn't have the first decoration up. I had my house decorated. I wanted to be at home. She is already making plans for a repeat this year. I'm not going. I'm going to need help from some of you to keep my resolve.
Thanks to those of you who made it through this pity party I threw for myself.
I must add that I left out the many reasons that we had a bad relationship for the last few years. I would like to share that later.

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gagi · 09-11-2004, 12:25 AM

You know, FORT just keeps getting better and better. This thread is such a good idea. Thank you, MSC, for being willing to share your heart with us. To you and everyone else, you are all in my prayers. Sometimes it seems like life just gets too hard to bear. That's when we need to lean on our friends.

Please email me or IM me if any of you need someone to cry with, encourage you, and just let you vent. And who knows, I might even be able to help with homework assignments.

We definitely need each other.

My heartache concerns my 12 year old nephew. He's in the hospital for the third time in a week. He has severe back pain, and no one can figure out what's wrong. He's had an MRI, CT Scans, X-Rays, and blood work. All came back negative.

They keep putting him on a morphine drip for pain because nothing else is working. Every once in awhile they throw in some valium. They've sent him home twice with oral meds that don't work. My sister and bro-in-law are besides themselves. If you think of it, please say a prayer for Ryan.

Thanks, all!

Muduh · 09-11-2004, 12:34 AM

Best of luck to Ryan. Hope they find his problem soon. Hopefully it's just simple and can be corrected. Get well soon, Ryan.

glennajo · 09-11-2004, 03:18 AM

Muduh, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'll never understand why some people are so petty. You stick your decisions, and your FORT family will be here to support you.

Gagi, I'll say a prayer for your nephew.

to all.

Clipse · 09-11-2004, 09:22 AM

to Muduh and Gagi. Gagi hopefully they find what is wrong with him, with the way everything has advanced I would think they would find out soon enough. And Muduh I am very sorry to hear that, good luck with everything.

Belfastgirl · 09-11-2004, 10:05 AM

I tend to come onto the web to forget my own worries but have found this thread v interesting. I'm not a religious person, but I feel deeply for all of the other people who have chosen to air their worries.
My own worries at the minute are quite complex. My sister had a little boy last week, a little boy, gorgeous child. He's got Down's Syndrome and we are all going through a turbulant emotional time, coming to terms with the situation. I've read and been told so many positive things I'd love to share with her, however she's not ready yet to talk things through. She and her husband are just enjoying her child at the minute and settling him at home with her other kids. When the time is right I just want to give her the biggest hug in the world and tell her that we are all there for her and that her little boy is the most special child in the world!

haejin · 09-11-2004, 01:21 PM

ARGH!! I just got back from swimming, and the coach worked us like we were all freaking Olympic class swimmers (which I can say with confidence that none of us are). I'm so tired, and we still have 7 weeks more to go until this semester is finished! Though I expect to get a little better as time goes on...

charlottej · 09-11-2004, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belfastgirl

I tend to come onto the web to forget my own worries but have found this thread v interesting. I'm not a religious person, but I feel deeply for all of the other people who have chosen to air their worries.
My own worries at the minute are quite complex. My sister had a little boy last week, a little boy, gorgeous child. He's got Down's Syndrome and we are all going through a turbulant emotional time, coming to terms with the situation. I've read and been told so many positive things I'd love to share with her, however she's not ready yet to talk things through. She and her husband are just enjoying her child at the minute and settling him at home with her other kids. When the time is right I just want to give her the biggest hug in the world and tell her that we are all there for her and that her little boy is the most special child in the world!

Belfast, there is nothing you can say to quell the fears of a parent whose child was born with a birth defect. My son was born with an extra thumb, and while that is no where near as serious a Down's Syndrome, I was devastated. That child IS the most special child in the world, and the unconditional love that you and your family can give him, and will most certainly be returned tenfold, is the most important thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. I know you said you aren't a religious person, however I strongly feel God doesn't place on our shoulders anything that we cannot handle. Your sister was chosen to be that little boy's mother for a very special reason, and that is she can love him like no one else on earth.

charlottej · 09-11-2004, 01:40 PM

Oh, my dear friend Mudah. I know there really are no words, but I am truly sorry. You were so kind to me as I threw my own pity party, and I hope I can return the favor. Death is never easy on anyone, except the person who has passed on. I say that for a reason: they are in a better place, but they leave behind heartache and despair, and in your case, fueding relatives who cannot get past their own anemosities toward each other to come together and honor the person that has passed. It never ceases to amaze me that people do not realize when wakes or funerals take place you are supposed to be unselfish and pay your last respects to the deceased. Bickering and being cruel to each other is hardly honoring the deceased.

I have stammered on and fear I have done nothing but confuse those reading my post. I am not the most eloquent at typing out my feelings, and I sincerely apologize for that. Just know that I will keep a good thought for you and your husband and I hope each day brings a renewed sense of peace and comfort for you.

imajunkie2 · 09-11-2004, 07:37 PM

Belfast,
My parents had a foster home for children with disabilities when I was younger. I'm not sure who it was but they gave us a gift, it was this poem in a nice frame. I hope you enjoy it and share it with your sister

http://www.geocities.com/shween61/heavenschild.html

09-10-2004, 11:46 PM	#61
Muduh FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,551	Goodness you all have so many problems that I hate to lay mine on you. Anyone who wants to pm or email me, feel free. If I can help I sure will. This may not be the best place for this, but who cares? Many of you already know that my father in law has literally been at deaths door forever. My sister in law called Tuesday afternoon, crying. I assumed the end had come for their dad. Not so. My husband's younger brother had had a massive heart attack and died. He was 54. I had always liked him until about three years ago. He was 14 when we married and I considered him my little brother too. He married five years later and we had babies in the same year. His wife and I were (and are) best friends. They went through a bitter divorce a few years ago and he wanted every family member to write her off. Since she had done nothing to me, I was the hold out. We're still close. The night of the visitation she and I stayed together and visited with friends they had had together. My husband stayed with his mother and sister. Fine. Yesterday at the funeral I sat with her, my husband with the family. At the cemetery my brother in laws present wife, who I sincerely hope I never lay eyes on again, walked up while I was visiting with a woman and told the woman that everyone was going to "her" house and they were invited. We weren't and I felt bad for my husband. He would have liked to be with his family. I told him to go on and I would go over to his aunts (across the road from the cemetery). He wouldn't do that, wasn't invited anyway, and the two of us went out to lunch and back to our motel. This morning we went out to tell his parents goodbye and they were getting his dad ready for another trip to the ER. The ambulance came and got him and we went to stay with him until other family members could come. They all arrived about an hour and a half later and immediately decided to all go out to lunch. His sister said that we could stay there till they got back. We finally got to leave about three o'clock. I really would like to just stay away from them. I know I owe it to him to help some but I don't want to go as often as we have. Last year we spent every holiday there so that his sister and brother in law could get away. We spent a week there at Christmas and they didn't have the first decoration up. I had my house decorated. I wanted to be at home. She is already making plans for a repeat this year. I'm not going. I'm going to need help from some of you to keep my resolve. Thanks to those of you who made it through this pity party I threw for myself. I must add that I left out the many reasons that we had a bad relationship for the last few years. I would like to share that later. Last edited by Muduh; 09-10-2004 at 11:55 PM.

09-11-2004, 01:21 PM	#67
haejin Ready? Join Date: May 2003 Location: New York City Posts: 1,923	ARGH!! I just got back from swimming, and the coach worked us like we were all freaking Olympic class swimmers (which I can say with confidence that none of us are). I'm so tired, and we still have 7 weeks more to go until this semester is finished! Though I expect to get a little better as time goes on... __________________ Gustav Holst was right!

09-11-2004, 01:40 PM	#69
charlottej Angel boy Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 328	Oh, my dear friend Mudah. I know there really are no words, but I am truly sorry. You were so kind to me as I threw my own pity party, and I hope I can return the favor. Death is never easy on anyone, except the person who has passed on. I say that for a reason: they are in a better place, but they leave behind heartache and despair, and in your case, fueding relatives who cannot get past their own anemosities toward each other to come together and honor the person that has passed. It never ceases to amaze me that people do not realize when wakes or funerals take place you are supposed to be unselfish and pay your last respects to the deceased. Bickering and being cruel to each other is hardly honoring the deceased. I have stammered on and fear I have done nothing but confuse those reading my post. I am not the most eloquent at typing out my feelings, and I sincerely apologize for that. Just know that I will keep a good thought for you and your husband and I hope each day brings a renewed sense of peace and comfort for you. __________________ America- love it or leave it!

09-11-2004, 12:25 AM	#62
gagi FORT Fogey Join Date: May 2004 Location: Dancing along the border of turbulence and order Posts: 5,168	You know, FORT just keeps getting better and better. This thread is such a good idea. Thank you, MSC, for being willing to share your heart with us. To you and everyone else, you are all in my prayers. Sometimes it seems like life just gets too hard to bear. That's when we need to lean on our friends. Please email me or IM me if any of you need someone to cry with, encourage you, and just let you vent. And who knows, I might even be able to help with homework assignments. We definitely need each other. My heartache concerns my 12 year old nephew. He's in the hospital for the third time in a week. He has severe back pain, and no one can figure out what's wrong. He's had an MRI, CT Scans, X-Rays, and blood work. All came back negative. They keep putting him on a morphine drip for pain because nothing else is working. Every once in awhile they throw in some valium. They've sent him home twice with oral meds that don't work. My sister and bro-in-law are besides themselves. If you think of it, please say a prayer for Ryan. Thanks, all!

09-11-2004, 12:34 AM	#63
Muduh FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,551	Best of luck to Ryan. Hope they find his problem soon. Hopefully it's just simple and can be corrected. Get well soon, Ryan.

09-11-2004, 03:18 AM	#64
glennajo FORT Fogey Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: middle of nowhere Posts: 1,313	Muduh, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'll never understand why some people are so petty. You stick your decisions, and your FORT family will be here to support you. Gagi, I'll say a prayer for your nephew. to all.

09-11-2004, 09:22 AM	#65
Clipse FORT Fogey Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: On Hiatus Age: 23 Posts: 2,165	to Muduh and Gagi. Gagi hopefully they find what is wrong with him, with the way everything has advanced I would think they would find out soon enough. And Muduh I am very sorry to hear that, good luck with everything.

09-11-2004, 10:05 AM	#66
Belfastgirl NI FORT fan Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: N.Ireland Posts: 708	I tend to come onto the web to forget my own worries but have found this thread v interesting. I'm not a religious person, but I feel deeply for all of the other people who have chosen to air their worries. My own worries at the minute are quite complex. My sister had a little boy last week, a little boy, gorgeous child. He's got Down's Syndrome and we are all going through a turbulant emotional time, coming to terms with the situation. I've read and been told so many positive things I'd love to share with her, however she's not ready yet to talk things through. She and her husband are just enjoying her child at the minute and settling him at home with her other kids. When the time is right I just want to give her the biggest hug in the world and tell her that we are all there for her and that her little boy is the most special child in the world!

09-11-2004, 07:37 PM	#70
imajunkie2 FORT Fanatic Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: North Pole Posts: 588	Belfast, My parents had a foster home for children with disabilities when I was younger. I'm not sure who it was but they gave us a gift, it was this poem in a nice frame. I hope you enjoy it and share it with your sister http://www.geocities.com/shween61/heavenschild.html