+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree1622Likes

Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #6441
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    3,753

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Gabriel, I know what you're saying. When I was divorced w/3 kids under 4 my mom offered for me to stay with her until I got settled. I really thought about it and said thanks but no thanks-we were worse than oil and water, were not getting along at all at the time, and I didn't think I would be able to maintain my "adulthood". We both are thankful that I didn't go the easy route back then. I have respect for those that do go that route, but only if they let their children retain their self-worth. I guess by letting my son stay without working or expecting (rather than hoping) that he would want to be responsible let him down in the end. Hopefully now he will continue with his responsibilities in his own apartment.

  2. #6442
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,178

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbydoll;3126101;
    I agree on the "rent free" living at 24. Sad, just sad! And when I say stop sponging off your mom, I get lol'd at. Because he works and goes to college too. And he is the only son and his mom dots on him. So he knows it has it good, I think his mom getting mad over 67c isn't as much about the 67c as much as a bigger issue. I think he didn't use his own cell because he figured his mom would just pay for it..
    In regards to his mother....this blow-up was not about the 67 cents. I'm with you on that one.

    Your friend should have some dignity and self-pride, and step up and be a MAN. It's impossible to call yourself a MAN when you are standing with one foot in boy's world, and one (or NO feet) in man's world. You can't be both a boy and a man.
    There's nothing even remotely attractive about taking advantage of another person, be it your parent or anyone else.

    I say Mom should change the locks! She'd probably be surprised at what he could/would do if she'd just put her foot down.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  3. #6443
    now I'm smilingmomof4!!!! smilingmomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    265

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbydoll;3125861;
    He lives at home, rent free to boot, it's his stepdads and moms phone line, he pays just for his cell phone. Which no clue why he's not make l.distance calls on that *shakes head*
    His reply was this "rofl" my mom just came in and yelled at me for a 67c charge on the phone bill.. I told you they were crazy, but , oh no you never believe me.
    I was left kind of dumbfounded by it all.
    Sounds like some communication problems in this family! The lack of respect toward his Mom would raise a red flag for me. Although, she doesn't show him much respect, either, from the sound of it. Ungratefulness is an awfully ugly quality, though. I think it is okay for a twenty something to live at home while attending college - might make it easier to focus on school rather than on paying bills. However, I think most parents go the route of being too easy on their kids rather than too hard on them. Boys, in particular, need a firm hand so that they grow up to be responsible men. Mom might need to make him start paying some rent just to strengthen his character. It's not about money, it's about contributing to the family and not taking people for grated.
    ***"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages" - Nietzsche *** "A woman who strives to be equal to a man is lacking in ambition"***

  4. #6444
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I think that living arrangements between parents and children are what works for each family. But there should be limits, boundaries, clearly drawn out expectations, etc. The child should be responsible and the parents should not be enablers. If both parties sit down and discuss arrangements beforehand and try to work out what may come up and then agree to it, there should be few surprises and few hard feelings and a situation that can work for everyone. But being the humans we all are, that sounds good in theory, but probably doesn't always work in practice.

    That said in our house, Bogie who is 9 (which is about 60 in dog years???) is still living at home with his mother, Rosie, not paying rent and being generally annoying to her in the bargain.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #6445
    Team DAN schmoo2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    O-H-I-O
    Posts
    3,174

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My mother used to lecture me about enabling my kids. and yes, they were around longer than I ever was (I moved out at 18 and never looked back)
    however, my son who just moved out last year - was working on college, and actually is still finishing up his PhdD.
    We were lucky enough to have a duplex and then daughter moved in. We are now ready to move out of the duplex - and it has worked out for us in that she will be our first tenant (well, with her friend) and I'm not so panicked about having to clear everything out immediately.

    she also, is still in school. and I know a lot of people have managed to work and go to college and have loans - but we were in a position to help them at this time with the schooling and so forth. And I have no regrets. although daughter is just starting to not take advantage of it IMO. but she is 23. Life and getting started is harder now than it used to be , or so I think.

    Hopefully, they are as successful in careers as they are good hearted and respectful in personalities - and I will be happy.
    Last edited by schmoo2; 07-12-2008 at 02:23 PM.

  6. #6446
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Well there is a huge difference between helping out and enabling in my book.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #6447
    FORT Fogey brunette trixie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    1,440

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm so bummed. I've been feeling dizzy and kind of shaky today, and now I just got sick after trying to eat. So now I'm going to miss my cousin's wedding. Why couldn't I get sick earlier this week so I could have missed work?

  8. #6448
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by brunette trixie;3126707;
    I'm so bummed. I've been feeling dizzy and kind of shaky today, and now I just got sick after trying to eat. So now I'm going to miss my cousin's wedding. Why couldn't I get sick earlier this week so I could have missed work?
    That's a shame, I hope you feel better.

    Try eating some saltines and drinking gingerale and see if it settles your stomach. I know when my blood sugar hits rock bottom, I get dizzy and shakey and nauseous. Try the crackers and gingerale and if they stay down, then try something that will be good for your blood sugar like a combo of protien and complex carbs.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  9. #6449
    Over and Out! Bunny555's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    3,368

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm sorry to hear that Trixie....take care of yourself and I hope you feel better soon.
    CYA

  10. #6450
    K <3 H Bubbydoll's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Age
    26
    Posts
    83

    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks to all who further replied to my questions and thoughts ..

    I agree, he is being an immature boy when he should be a responsible MAN at almost 25 yrs old! *sighs* I called him on it and he got extremely pissy with me! Sort of, how dare you tell me how I should react and relate to my mom!

    I told him I am about 5 yrs younger and I pay my parents rent, I have made almost 400 dollars in l.distance calls in the last 8 months, and I paid for them all myself on a calling card, so it never goes onto my parents phone bill. I pay for my own movies and share of the tv, and computer bill, I buy my own groceries, extra I may want, and I buy everything my pet needs..I don't expect or want my parents paying any of this for me. I am happy I can live at home, and help them out as they help me. And I would NEVER feel good taking advantage of them when I am now working full time and can help out.
    I said he should make his l.distance calls on his cell or buy calling cards like I do, and I said he should pay some rent.. he doesn't even pay for his own food, his mom does for him and he doesn't use a credit card, and doesn't have to make any car payments either, he even gives her a list of what he wants for food etc and she buys it.. *sighs again*

    He claims his mom and step dad are very well off, so money to them isn't an issue to make him pay, and I tried to explain to him, "Thats not the point" have some freaking pride, why don't you! To which his pissiness came out at me.
    I said to him, I am losing a lot of respect for you" which I felt bad saying but I was feeling it so I told him.
    How do you slap sense into someone like that, if his own mom lets him get away with all the freebies? I think he is hoarding a lot of money for himself right now, because he has an excellent job and makes better money than I do..

    I don't think his mom will kick him out, he won't move out until he finishes his degree in another year, maybe? His poor mom.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.