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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #6401
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thank you for your words, and he and I have been down this yellow brick road many times before talking about contraception, period. I know that some issues will crop up, no matter with whom you decide to reproduce/marry. I guess I'm saying that to be forewarned is to be forearmed. That is what genetic counseling is all about, isn't it? Here's the information, now you make the decision. The good part is that she is in college...the bad part is that she is not unfamiliar with having babies. I can see him getting himself into a crappy situation, and then pi**ing and moaning about it later. You know how it is when they KNOW EVERYTHING.

    I've decided that the 20s are when people are not actually grown, but are in the process of learning what being grown is all about. I think people probably start becoming "grown" in their 30s, realistically. And boys....well, it's anybody's guess. So many of them always tend to be a bit behind the curve....my son being no different, I've noticed. It's like in their 20s, they like to talk about being grown, but they are not actually there yet...but the laws tell them that they are, and that's good enough for them.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  2. #6402
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    She being "not unfamiliar with having babies" also doesn't sound that great. At least she's in college....

    Speaking of the above...I have a colleague/friend with a similar situation...a son who "lives on the edge" with a long time girlfriend (who is sticking with him despite what follows...and she even has parents who still like him) who took up with a young woman who already had two children by two different men and no real way to support them. She was the eldest of a family of 5, all with different fathers, again supported by "the system". Supposedly she was on the pill. My friend warned her son that she was very likely to get pregnant, was just looking for someone to support her and her kids, but...you guessed it, son ignored my friend, woman is now 7 or 8 months pregnant with #3. Son wants nothing to do with her long term but has moved her to a nice apt. so that his child will not be born in the squalor in which she had been living (son works construction, so income is up and down). They fight all the time, police have been called, she's not a very good mom to the kids she has (tells the 5 year old he's "worthless", etc.). My friend had a husband who gambled away their house, now divorced; she has a daughter who is functioning pretty well professionally although dating a married man. My friend is feeling like just moving across the country and abandoning ship on the one hand, on the other that someone should make an effort to save this new baby from what looks to be a hopeless life. (Needless to say, paternity tests are on order--her deepest hope is the baby isn't his after all.)
    Basically my friend has struggled through a pretty hard life, now in her late 50's, although looks much younger, and just as there appeared to be some light at the end of the tunnel in terms of college loans almost paid off, etc., this happens.
    I really don't know what to advise her...or what suggestions to make that might make things easier for her. She also has elderly parents a few hours away (with a sister near them), that serve to tie her here, but they may not last much longer. I feel for that baby to be, but also for my friend... as if she deserves some chance at happiness that she's not going to get if she stays around her kids.... Of course it's her decision, but if anyone has any advice to pass on I'd welcome it. Thanks.

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    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    If her kids are grown, she'd paid her dues. Her adult offspring need to be adults, take responsibility for their own lives, and dealing with the consequences of their decisions -- ON THEIR OWN! It's time to cut the apron strings.
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  4. #6404
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Genetic testing (and counseling) is usually used for families that have health histories of things like cystic fibrosis, sickle cell,some cancers etc.
    At this time, I know of no genetic testing for problems like bi-polar or depression.

    But I did come across this and found it very interesting.

    Although advances in genetic testing have improved doctors' ability to diagnose and treat certain illnesses, there are still some limits. Genetic tests can identify a particular problem gene, but can't always predict how severely that gene will affect the person who carries it. In cystic fibrosis, for example, finding a problem gene on chromosome number 7 can't necessarily predict whether a child will have serious lung problems or milder respiratory symptoms.

    Also, simply having problem genes is only half the story because many illnesses develop from a mix of high-risk genes and environmental factors. Knowing that you carry high-risk genes may actually be an advantage, if it gives you the chance to modify your lifestyle to avoid becoming sick.
    Genetic Testing

    I also have a problem with Eugenics. While I think it's great we can test for genetic illnesses and people can avoid having a child with terrible medical conditions, there is also some concern that it will once again be used for not so wonderful reasons. I j ust saw on one of the news magazine shows about the fact that now we can "manufacture" our babies to be incredibly intelligent and that the ones that can afford to do this, will actually create a world where the haves are intelligent, magnificent creatures and the have nots are well, slower, not as smart, not as pretty, etc. and that it could create an evolutionary divide.

    I just think it's a fine line here. I have friends that have children with Downs, Cystic Fibrosis, and other medical conditions and everyone of them have told me before: I wouldn't trade this child for anything. God blessed me with this particular child for a reason. We all hope to have healthy babies, but even with the best medical treatment in the world, that isn't always possible.
    The world is always going to have people with problems. But the measure of the parents and of the person with problems is how they handle them. Do they use them for a crutch? To blame everything on? Or to overcome and strive to be the best they can be despite having problems?
    History is full of people that overcame their problems to go on and do something truly great.
    Last edited by MRD; 07-06-2008 at 07:29 AM.
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellen;3107757;
    If her kids are grown, she'd paid her dues. Her adult offspring need to be adults, take responsibility for their own lives, and dealing with the consequences of their decisions -- ON THEIR OWN! It's time to cut the apron strings.
    I have a friend that is in dire need of following this advice. She is raising her granddaughter because her son and his ex are not ready for the responsibility. He is 19, living at home, not paying rent but whining about not having money. He works but he blows his money on crap and treats her like dirt. He has an attitude like he is owed a good life. Her middle son is on his way there. She knows she needs to kick them both the heck out, since they have proven that they won't do a dang thing while at home.

    I just wish there was a button to push so that she, and mothers like her, can see that it is time to cut the apron strings. (Or the umbilical cord as her oldest son's friends told him. )
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!

  6. #6406
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3108708;
    Genetic testing (and counseling) is usually used for families that have health histories of things like cystic fibrosis, sickle cell,some cancers etc.
    At this time, I know of no genetic testing for problems like bi-polar or depression.

    You misunderstood what I was saying. I'm not saying to get genetic counseling for bipolar disorder or unipolar disorder. I am saying that the thinking behind information gleaned from the testing and definite information you know going into a pregnancy situation is basically treated the same. You get the information and, either way, what you decide to do with that information is up to you.


    ****************************** ****************************** *********

    I am shocked that the parents are handicapping their son by allowing him to still live with them. He's playing them for fools, and they are going along with it. I understand that they have to do what is best for the baby, but they should kick his useless butt to the curb and send his brother with him. You can't be treated like a doormat unless you lie down and allow people to walk on you. I vote that they use the words, "Get Out!" Geez....grow a spine, already.
    Last edited by prhoshay; 07-06-2008 at 01:59 PM.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #6407
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay;3109367;

    I am shocked that the parents are handicapping their son by allowing him to still live with them. He's playing them for fools, and they are going along with it. I understand that they have to do what is best for the baby, but they should kick his useless butt to the curb and send his brother with him. You can't be treated like a doormat unless you lie down and allow people to walk on you. I vote that they use the words, "Get Out!" Geez....grow a spine, already.
    I don't get it either. She has guardianship of the baby so it isn't like he is staying home for the baby. He has given her maybe $100 to help support the baby and doesn't help watch. The mom is pregnant again with twins and hasn't seen the baby in months. My friend is saving up to get custody. I think the problem with her boys is she lets them get away with the crap they pull. She needs to put her foot down and keep it down, but she has never been able to do so. I will say she is getting closer. She told me the other day that she can now see why it was a mistake to constantly give in to her kids when they tantrumed.

    Actually it is mom and stepdad. Their real dad is a jailbird who they act just like. If she would let him, stepdad (who is supporting them) would kick them out but she won't let him loose. She keeps saying she should but she doesn't. She agrees they need to grow up and get out, but is having a real hard time cutting the cord.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    Maybe we should chug on over to namby pamby land where we can find some self confidence for you, you jackwagon!

  8. #6408
    FORT Fan Shaybo II's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I don't know what to say.

  9. #6409
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by dagwood;3108788;
    I have a friend that is in dire need of following this advice. She is raising her granddaughter because her son and his ex are not ready for the responsibility. He is 19, living at home, not paying rent but whining about not having money. He works but he blows his money on crap and treats her like dirt. He has an attitude like he is owed a good life. Her middle son is on his way there. She knows she needs to kick them both the heck out, since they have proven that they won't do a dang thing while at home.

    I just wish there was a button to push so that she, and mothers like her, can see that it is time to cut the apron strings. (Or the umbilical cord as her oldest son's friends told him. )
    Good grief...well, as they say, there's always someone worse off than you (or in this case than my friend)--at least her son does work and contribute financially and is trying, if disorganizedly, to be responsible about the baby. But twins on the way...yikes...

  10. #6410
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Wow, ...this is soooooo my life as it's been. I have been paying for everything since my son lost his job in late Feb. He is now working, but saving for an apartment. They will be out by the end of the month. He is a Marine Corps vet and that should have helped, but our area has lost most of our businesses in the past several years. I am now able to let him go forward on his own. I have already told both of them that is she gets pregnant they will be on their own. I am working myself and will not be a babysitter. I will not be able to help them financially. I probably should have done this sooner, but it was nice having him here. And, my added bonus is that I can now slowly redo the bedrooms and the living room.

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