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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #4891
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    babs I've been there as I'm sure so many of us here have. If you didn't have a reason to look, you wouldn't. If he had nothing to hide, it wouldn't matter if you looked. I would confront him and be honest. Maybe it's something you can work out but don't let him turn it around on you. People have their right to privacy but that doesn't mean he has a right to fool around on you. Sure, maybe it's something innocent like the red-head suggestion. But if it is, then the confrontation will be a chance to grow your relationship rather than destroy it.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  2. #4892
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    If he had nothing to hide, it wouldn't matter if you looked.
    I must protest this in the strongest possible terms. Some people are more private than others, and do not take well to invasions of privacy. And even in a relationship, there can be some things that are not anyone's business. For example, a woman would have to be married to me (God help her, I know ) before I'd let her see my banking and tax records. I have nothing to hide, but there isn't a need to know, either.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
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  3. #4893
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Well I say that any relationship has to be based on trust and honesty and communication.
    If this is upsetting you, then tell him the truth, you were looking for a website of yours in the computer history and ran across this and you would like to talk about it. If he says its an invasion of privacy, remind him that if he want's privacy, then not to use that computer or to erase the history.
    But you found something innocently, not being nosy and you feel its something that is affecting your relationship and you need to talk it over with him.
    If he makes it into a big deal and he's actively looking, then it might be time for you to reconsider the relationship with him.

    I also agree with Newf, that in ANY relationship there are things that we all wish to keep private. Not all are big things either. There are some boneheaded moves I can make that I just don't share with my husband because I prefer not to be teased incessantly about them. But to some people R or X rated sites are a big deal and can be deal breakers. To some, its something they can live with if its just looking, but not actually touching so to speak.

    But the other key to any relationship is to talk about things that are bothering you because if you ignore them, those things tend to fester. Better to get it out in the open now rather than later. Just my opinion.
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  4. #4894
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Newfherder;2616220;
    I must protest this in the strongest possible terms. Some people are more private than others, and do not take well to invasions of privacy. And even in a relationship, there can be some things that are not anyone's business. For example, a woman would have to be married to me (God help her, I know ) before I'd let her see my banking and tax records. I have nothing to hide, but there isn't a need to know, either.
    I'm sorry. I know it was a blanket statement but I stand by it. I'm not talking about financial records. If your name isn't on the bank account you have no right to snoop in it. But I firmly believe that if you suspect your spouse of fooling around, then you have every right to check on your computer for evidence. My husband can look at anything he wants on my computer, snoop in my private email box, check out the postings I've made on message boards. Sure, I would feel a bit invaded and he might find something that would upset him (like me drooling over celebrity men) but I would get over it and try to understand why he looked in the first place.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  5. #4895
    FORT Fanatic tickerrose's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Well my husband and I are still stuck in TTC land. The news got even worse this week when my husband lost his job and therefor our health insurance. I will be able to sign up through my company, but not until December, plus I don't believe fertility testing is an option with my insurance. It gets so hard sometimes when some months I feel so positive and excited about TTC, I chart and and test for ovulation and take my Vitex and all my multi-vitamins, we use our PreSeed (this stuff is great even if it's not helping get me pregnant)...just to see AF rear her ugly head time after time after time. Last month I had had it and gave up thinking about it. The month did go much faster, but AF still arrived and I am back to being all depressed and enticed by my couch and a bag of cookies. Naturally, as is always the case, everyone around me is getting pregnant, or at least seems to be. I know 30 is not that old, but right now it feels like it and every time I see babies or children I am starting to think "I will never have that...."
    I know the doctor is the next step for us, but I have so many fears about that....I am overweight and need to find a fat friendly doctor and I also have hepatitis C and am affraid they will laugh me out the door. Something like "Oh, no sweetie, YOU can't have a baby!" I know I sound crazy, but these are really my thoughts at time.

  6. #4896
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    tickerrose. Bite the bullet and get yourself to a doctor. The sooner you get checked out, the sooner they can figure out what's stopping you from getting pregnant. And try not to worry about the overweight and hep c issues. Overweight women have babies every day. And I hear that it's pretty rare for you to pass the hepatitis on to your baby, so the doctor isn't going to discourage you from trying to have a family.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  7. #4897
    MRD
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    My stomach is still giving me horrible problems and now I'm being sent to a specialist (again) and they can't see me until Nov. 12. Last night I slept a total of 3 hours because of the tummy pain. In the meantime the meds they give me for pain are about as effective as butter is for burns. I have the heating pad plastered to my stomach.

    I'm so over this. I want to feel better. I have been having these stupid problems and strange illnesses and crap for several years. I want to feel better permanently. Or at least for longer than a few days at a time. Seems like they get one thing fixed and another problem crops up. I'm like an old fixer upper house. You solve a major structural problem and a plumbing problem crops up immediately afterward.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
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  8. #4898
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    MRD - I think of you often and hope that "the fixer upper" can go for longer periods "without repairs" soon. Hang in there!
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'm sorry about whats going on mrd. I hope everything goes ok.
    tickerose my suggestion is wait a little bit on getting pregnant until your husband has a job. I also think that you should go see your doctor.
    Well hubby my is not a happy camper right now. The job is giving him fits and they just told him that has to work more hours. He works as a Nurses Assistant, which by the way is an all female job, and it makes his job that much harder. You know back in the day when females first came into an all male job market? Well that's what it's like for him. Only worse they treat him like a human fork lift.
    There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved- George Sand

  10. #4900
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Just wanted to give a brief update on my friend Sean, who had the inoperable brain tumor. He has been fighting and gone through every regular and alternative treatment that he can find. Today he found out that he has three more brain tumors, on top of the one he already has.

    So if you all could keep him and his family in your prayers I would appreciate it.
    Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.
    -Bono

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