pwettybird---well, if that's the case, all the more reason to get some counseling and work with someone who can help you sort it out who's 'on the ground"--only so much we internet folk can guess, and I know we'd all feel badly if we were guessing wrongly.... It's amazing how much help having someone outside the relationship to talk to can be.
mrd--that would be so fantastic! Crossing my fingers and toes for you!
snark--no, I don't do it for a living (I only like to do it for people I like already! ), but I do work a lot with people around your age, many of whom are having similar problems. Plus I have a son whom I'm betting is mildly OCD so I pay attention to the issue. And wow, your mom, talk about evidence for passing down a problem! Probably a very good decision for you even if tough on her.