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Thread: Talk about your troubles

  1. #4631
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    snarkattack, I think we at FoRT are the perfect melting pot of the world. I guess I've never considered the importance of my friend's sexuality. It isn't a concern of mine, and I bet there are others who don't care, either. I personally would revisit if my therapist was doing me any good. Maybe he/she was great for your OCD, but it might be time to move on and find another one. There are great support groups out there. It sometimes takes one step that turns out to be a giant leap. I hope you know that we are there for you!

  2. #4632
    Never a dull moment! chrelsey's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Snarkattack – I’m sorry for what you are going through. Our minds are powerful, and combating the thoughts/habits/etc. that we have allowed to take root in our psyche is difficult.

    I have never suffered from OCD, but I have had my share of thought-consuming battles. Almost 12 years ago I struggled with Anorexia for 4-5 years, and yes, that did include a couple of hospitalizations. Believe me – that is a disease that totally consumed my every waking thought, and controlled every aspect of my life. There was not a single, solitary second of any day that I wasn’t thinking about eating food, not eating food, hiding food, counting calories (all 100 calories that I would eat each day), what I looked like to myself, what I looked like to others, what everyone was saying/thinking about me, how fat I thought I was, how much weight I wanted to lose, etc.

    I used to read articles or see someone on an interview about Anorexia and under their name it would read “Recovered Anorexic.” I wanted to scream “HOW?” Recovery seemed completely incomprehensible to me – in fact, I thought that the only way I would be free from it would be to die from it . . . which I now know was more of a probability than I realized at the time. However, I am blessed beyond measure to be able to say that if I were interviewed today, the title of “Recovered Anorexic” would be beneath my name. I know I am one of the lucky ones.

    So, again, I can’t say that I understand exactly what you are going through, however, I do know what it is like to have your life not only consumed – but also controlled – by something, and all I can offer is to share something that was key in my recovery.

    For me, the really big thing (besides my faith and an incredible therapist), was that as long as being thin was more important to me than everything else I was giving up to continue in that behavior, I would never change. It was only when I wanted what I was missing out on MORE (relationships, life, etc.) than I wanted to lose weight, that I was willing to take the risks associated with giving up what I thought of as “important.”

    Easy? No. In fact, it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, because it meant giving up my very identity – the way that I defined myself. But I had to make a choice – did I want to continue to just exist (and it was a miserable existence at that), or did I want to begin to actually enjoy life? I chose life. Please know I am not saying that you are not choosing life and that this is the answer for you – I’m simply sharing from my own personal experience. Just as we all take different roads into these dark areas of our lives, we will all take different roads out, and yours will be as uniquely individual as you are.

    It sounds to me like you are really experiencing some tangible losses – friendships, work, school, etc. Again, I’m really sorry for that, because in the grand scheme of things – those are huge losses. But it appears to me that what your voice sounds like and what others think of you are only symptoms of a bigger issue – and that is what you think of yourself. It really doesn’t sound like you accept yourself, and until you do that, you will always question if others accept you. As long as you find yourself lacking, you will more than likely think that others see you the same way.

    I echo what someone above said – if you’ve been with your current therapist for quite some time and are not seeing any real results, then I would encourage you to maybe look into another therapist. I know – that’s hard too . . . once you have built a relationship with your therapist it is difficult to just stop and begin again with someone else. But, this is your life you are talking about – and you deserve to get better!

    If what I have shared is totally unrelated and not helpful at all – please forgive . . . but your story touched my heart and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. But hey – you’re a part of FoRT – so I’m sure you already know that! I can honestly say that you won’t find a better group of people anywhere else!
    I don't have OCD, I have CDO. It's like OCD except that the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be!

  3. #4633
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks for the kind replies by everyone. Actually, I just switched therapist a few months ago. It was the other one who wasn't working out very well. This guy seems more compassionate and caring. I think it still is taking me time to break in. Next week I decided to start going 3 days a week.

    My other problem was when I was out of state hospitalized a few years ago I had a therapist who was in his early to mid 30's. Good looking man. I know its not uncommon for people to get attached to there therapists. But I still think I got overly attached. Which isn't healthy either.

    I am a little embarrassed to write this, but I really became attracted to him. I told him I was the only person I felt safe with and the only person that I would feel comfortable in a relationship with. I finally emailed him yesterday and told him all of this, he told me I took a helpful/healthy risk, but he said he thought it was important.

    He said he is happy with the progress I have made and he said keep working at it. I think I sort of became infatuated with the guy. When I was in my running/jogging group, I dropped out mostly because I was attracted to a lot of the guys. And had trouble accepting that.

    I think I got overly upset this morning, because I am just frustrated and angry with myself. I keep thinking like when is this madness going to end. I think I am progressing, I just still have a LOT to work to do.

    I think a support group is the next logical move and going through with it.

    I will try to enjoy my dinner with Aunt Ruth
    Last edited by snarkattack; 08-22-2007 at 03:59 PM.

  4. #4634
    FORT Fan Shaybo's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Well put Lois Lane and burnbrat. OK Snark let me put it bluntly (I'm Sorry I'm buzzed and proudly admit it.) who gives a flying fig if you're gay or not. What matters is that we all love and respect YOU we don't care if you're straight gay or ambidextrus. Be PROUD of who you are. I mean heck when I get a cold I sound like Mickey Mouse, but I don't care and you shouldn't care if you sound gay. Just remember we love and care about you:hugs
    There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved- George Sand

  5. #4635
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by famita;2539683;
    snarkattack, I think we at FoRT are the perfect melting pot of the world. I guess I've never considered the importance of my friend's sexuality. It isn't a concern of mine, and I bet there are others who don't care, either. I personally would revisit if my therapist was doing me any good. Maybe he/she was great for your OCD, but it might be time to move on and find another one. There are great support groups out there. It sometimes takes one step that turns out to be a giant leap. I hope you know that we are there for you!
    Snarkattack,
    I share the sentiments of all the posters and I really share Famita's.

    Sexuality of my friends is not important to me-who they are as people is what I consider important. I don't care if they are gay, straight, black, white or purple, if they are good people, then I like them and want them in my life and I'm willing to bet that others are like that too for you. (and you've always got good old Aunt Ruth, god love her! ) What I do in the privacy of my own home is MY business and no one else's and that includes my friends. And you should feel the same way.

    Being gay is not anything to be ashamed of. do try to find a support group and if they don't call you back, keep calling them. The squeaky wheel gets the grease you know.

    I'm also glad you opened up to us as you have been a great poster here, you've been a great support to many of us. You have funny and relavent posts and your presence here is valued.
    And just like on Fort, I would bet that in the real world, that same thing can happen.
    I second the finding another therapist. I have to say that years of therapy and medication have literally saved my life. I have depression and I wouldn't have made my 45th birthday without the help from both the therapist and the meds.

    And for the record, I hate the sound of my voice so I don't like to hear it on tape or videos. I think it sounds flat and monotone, but 99.9% of the time I don't worry about it. So don't worry about your voice. What you hear and what others hear are two totally different things.

    Anyway, we are here for you and know that you can find ways to cope with all these things.
    I wish you ALL the best. Please let us know how things are going.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  6. #4636
    I Is Stephanie
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    I'll third the hating the sound of my voice. I won't even let people record me, because I think it's about half an octave deeper then it should be, and I feel like it randomly changes pitch and tone, whether I want it to or not.

    Now I was going to come in here to complain about the parents, but I can't remember what about now...

    Just listen to what everyone says, snark. Even when they contridict each other.

  7. #4637
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Snarkattack -All I can do is repeat what all my other wonderful fellow FORT FRIENDS have posted. Hey you're 28 and and you still have SO MUCH yet ahead of you. When I was 28 I was obsessed that I wasn't GAY ENOUGH! So hows that. Now I am 49 and I don't care either way. I'm me. You are you.

    Quote Originally Posted by 11sstephanie;2540241;
    I'll third the hating the sound of my voice. I won't even let people record me, because I think it's about half an octave deeper then it should be, and I feel like it randomly changes pitch and tone, whether I want it to or not.

    Now I was going to come in here to complain about the parents, but I can't remember what about now...

    Just listen to what everyone says, snark. Even when they contridict each other.
    I don't like listening to myself either and I absolutely HATE having my picture taken Stephanie, where with that you have one up on me, at least you take good pictures.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  8. #4638
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Thanks guys your posts were helpful, Going with Aunt Ruth tonight was great. She really was able to get my mind off things without her knowing it.

    Aunt Ruth was very supportive in general. She told me I have made a ton of progress and was proud of me.

    Okay now to the good stuff. I couldn't resist. I asked her how grandma was. I know she can't stand her so I had to get the ball rolling. Aunt Ruth doesn't waste much time. She said I saw her recently and she wasn't very nice to me. That's nothing new. They like each other as much as Joyce Dewitt likes Suzanne Somers. Then she says, she looks like hell(I could of died laughing). I was like I need the internet right now, so I can post that.


    She also told me she doesn't really have her life together either in the car. I kinda knew that. She really didn't pick me apart at all.

    I just need to get out more. I feel much better. I spend too much time alone.

    Then she said can we go for Iced Cream. I really need to loosen up. The thing is I really don't like iced cream that much and I told her next time. When in fact I wouldn't mind going, actually my voice obsession subsided, but was triggered at dinner by another obsession. I really just wanted to go home after we ate, but she said after eating fish, she loves iced cream. She told me I love Iced cream to. I really had no choice, because we went for iced cream anyway. I tried to get out of it though. She asked about 7 times. I said "no thanks" each time. Being home now, it really was selfish on my part not to just say, yes. I mean the woman is 85 years old and is lonely herself. I sometimes just get consumed with my problems, that I forget other people want to have a good time. Sometimes I just have to live with my problems and do things others want. While I was refusing to get iced cream I could hear you guys scream and me. Just shut up and go. I think part of the reason I don't like Iced Cream, is because its fun. I don't enjoy fun things. Working on it though.

    If anything Aunt Ruth knows how to really let you know she cares. It makes me tear up a little bit when I write this. She said Do you watch deal or no deal. I said sometimes, she said I love that program and she said Howie has the same thing as you do and he's successful.

    Aunt Ruth has no clue what she means to me. Words can't express it. I really didn't realize how much she truly cares till tonight.

    Aunt Ruth you get an A+. Even though you told me tonight how much you hate Hillary Clinton. She told me that woman will do anything to be president. I was thinking don't most people? She said Justin, you can see I don't have any opinions. Aunt Ruth calls her jokes "funnies"

    Aunt Ruth is also going to a blue grass concert on friday with friends. She has more of a life then I do.
    Last edited by snarkattack; 08-22-2007 at 09:54 PM.

  9. #4639
    Resident curmudgeon Newfherder's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    That isn't you in your avatar, gabriel?

    For whatever reason, people who don't know me think my voice sounds like I'm always . That's led to more than a few awkward moments through the years, but I confess that I've also used it to my advantage from time to time. What really stinks for me, voice-wise, is that my oldest sister has been pestering me for months to record myself singing. She heard me singing along with a Luciano Pavarotti CD, and I dunno, maybe she got mixed up as to who was who.

    I look at gay relationships like I do inter-racial relationships (very controversial when and where I grew up)--love is where you find it.
    "The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination."
    --Marion Zimmer Bradley

  10. #4640
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Talk about your troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by Newfherder;2540443;
    That isn't you in your avatar, gabriel?

    For whatever reason, people who don't know me think my voice sounds like I'm always . That's led to more than a few awkward moments through the years, but I confess that I've also used it to my advantage from time to time. What really stinks for me, voice-wise, is that my oldest sister has been pestering me for months to record myself singing. She heard me singing along with a Luciano Pavarotti CD, and I dunno, maybe she got mixed up as to who was who.

    I look at gay relationships like I do inter-racial relationships (very controversial when and where I grew up)--love is where you find it.

    HEH! - I wish I looked HALF as good as Dean Martin. I usually get the why are you pissed or so abrupt when it comes to my voice. My thing is, that I rarely chit chat - You ask me a question I answer it. Thats it.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

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